Two dogs are laying in their front room

First dog says to the second dog: Hey, do you want to hear a joke?
Second dog: Yeah, go on then.
First dog: Knock, knock.
Second dog: Woof, woof, woof, woof!

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The wife was nagging me for ages to put a shelf up in the front room, but as I am shit at DIY I thought that I should get some advice.

So I went to the library and asked the woman there, "do you have any books on shelves?"

I had a polish cleaner helping around the house, it took them 4 hours to clean the front room carpet.

It turns out she was a slo-vak.

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Father Conor is walking by the Shannon when he sees one of his congregation fishing...

He stops for a chat, and mentions that he's never fished before. 'It's a doddle,' says the angler. 'Take a rod and give it a go.'

'Well, I suppose the blessed Saint Peter himself was a fisherman. Perhaps I'll try my hand,' says the priest.

Father Conor sits down and casts his line. Aft...

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A pregnant woman was shot during a bank robbery...

After being rushed to the hospital and treated in the ER, the doctor tells her some good and bad news. The good news is that she's having triplets, all boys and they're all healthy, the bad news is that they've each got a bullet inside of them and will pass this Bullet naturally in +- 18 years.
<...

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There's this young lady looking for a place to stay.

There's this young lady looking for a place to stay. She doesn't know anyone in town so she's browsing the small ads.

All the rooms for rent are way out of her league. She's just a young student and she doesn't have that kind of money. Finally she sees an advert for a room that she thinks she...

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A little boy goes into the kitchen

And says to his mother, "Nan's got a prawn in the front room".

Confused, his mother pokes her head around the door to find the grandmother asleep, legs fallen wide with no underwear on.

She turns around to the boy and says, "Oh honey, that's not a prawn, that's called a clitoris" ...

[LONG] The life of an old man.

I decide to water my garden.

As I turn on the hose, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.

As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the table that I collected from the letter box earlier. I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.

I lay my car keys ...

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[NSFW] A farmer walks into his house holding a duck.

His wife is sitting in the front room. He looks at her and says, "This is the pig I've been fucking."

She says, "That's not a pig, that's a duck."

The farmer says, "Shut up bitch, I wasn't talking to you."

Did you hear about the gynecologist...

...who wallpapered his front room through the letter box?

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