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Cloister Jokes

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WW2. An Italian bishop is visiting a cloisters shortly after the liberation of the country...

He meets with the mother superior and asks her how she and the nuns did during the nazi occupation.

"Oh it was terrible, father. First came the fascists and violated all, but sister Rosa. Then it was the Germans, and they too violated all, but sister Rosa. Then came the partisans ...

Nun gets up and starts walking down the cloisters. Another nun walks up to her and says "who got out of the wrong side of the bed this morning?"

Nun carries on walking and again another nun says the same thing. This happens 15 times as she is walking down the cloisters and she is becoming very angry. She gets to Mother superiors office and just before Mother Superior could say anything the nun shouts, "don't tell me I got out of the wrong si...

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It’s time to redecorate the nunnery and Mother Superior is feeling overwhelmed with supervising all the various contractors. Wanting to save some money, she tasks the 2 newest novitiates with painting the cloister...

The young nuns are inexperienced painters, and they paint slowly and carefully, concerned about getting paint on their habits.

Mother Superior comes to check on them and is dismayed to find by the end of the day they’ve barely painted one wall.

“You’ll need to paint faster ladies, w...

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What do you call an overly complicated orgy at a monastery?

A cloister fuck.

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What do you get when you cross a monastery with a convent?

A cloister fuck, obviously.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two leprechauns walk up to the door of a church.

One jumps up on the other's shoulders, knocks on the door, and jumps down as a priest comes to answer. He stares at them for a moment, then says, "Yes? Can I help you... gentlemen?"

The first leprechaun doffs his hat and bows. "Top o' the mornin' to ye, Father! If ye don't mind, we be needin'...

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