"Honey, let's just a couple of sheep so we don't have to mow the lawn." -- "Oh, but what would we do with the wool?" -- "Well, we could-"

shear it

wash it

dry it

pick it

card it

bag it

store it

sell it

process it

clean it

buy it

keep it

pack it

send it

mail

insulate it

mulch it

fertilise it

toss it

compo...

I'm going to rewrite history.

History.

Four dads are arguing, each dad claims to have the best son in the world.

The first dad says, "My son is the best because he is so rich, I only gave him a small loan of a million dollars and he ended up making four billion dollars from his multi-billion dollar hotel business. He has even appeared on many TV shows. He is so successful that he was elected to lead a country....

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Professor X to JK Rowling:

Professor X: "What's your power?"

JK Rowling: "I can rewrite the past of fictional characters."

Gay Professor X: "Interesting."

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A duck walks into a bar and grill.

The moment he sits down, the bartender comes up and asks, "Well shit, I've never seen you here before. How's things?"

The duck is already drunk and starts rambling. "The name's Huey. Day's almost over, just thought I'd come here and get a burger and beer."

"You look wiped out. Long day...

In a classroom...

The girl students were really upset and shouted together in class in unison for justice. The agahst teacher asked for a reason. They asked him to look at the blackboard in which was written in bold "**50% of girls don't have brains**", which the girls asserted was the job done by boys on purpose....

A man had an adult daughter who he loved dearly but rarely met. He decided to send her a letter, and in it was hundreds of pieces of advice to help her succeed in life.

The advice ranged from career to cooking to basic mechanics; it was like a manual for life, and it took him a good while to rewrite, condense, and perfect.

When he went to the post office to send the letter, he met the mail deliverer Kurt. Kurt said he would deliver the letter.

The man...

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So Satan asks God to let him back into Heaven...

God says "Satan, you've betrayed me before, but I am a just and forgiving god. You may get back into Heaven, if you can beat my only son in a programming contest."

Satan and Jesus meet to agree to the terms. The contest is a simple one. God will set a timer for six hours, and both Jesus and S...

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The old lady visits the doc with stomach problems...

An old lady in her 70s experiences some difficulty with her stomach and decides to visit the doctor. She tells the doctor that she thinks that she has the farts. The doctor frowns and subjects her to a full examination. After doing many tests, the doctor says, “Mam, congratulations, you are indeed p...

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Skipper

Skipper was the most well-liked guy in the office, and seemed to know everyone at all the parties. In fact, he seemed to have a connection with just about everyone, including his boss's friends. The boss, struggling to stump him, decided to test Skipper.

"Hey, Skipper," he said, "Brad Pitt's ...

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