UPJOKE
red pandasichuanchinabearprocyonidcarnivorabamboogorillazoogiant pandashrubpanda bearshaanxiailurus fulgensbear cat

Pandas Jokes

To start a zoo, you need at least two pandas, a grizzly and three polars.

That's the bear minimum.

6 yr old son made this up. What do exploding pandas eat?

BAMBOOM!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Panda Walks Into A Bar

A panda walks into a bar and looks around. the bartender greets him enthusiastically asking “what can I get you?”. The panda approaches the bar and orders a small meal. The meal arrives and the panda eats all of it. Once finished, the bartender asks him how the food was. to his surprise, the panda p...

What do you call pandas on April 1st?

Bamboo-zler!

Real pandas come from the Pandeaux region of France.

Otherwise they’re just sparkling patrol car bears.

Pandas

What does it sound like when Pandas make love?

Panda-moanium.

What do ghost pandas eat?

Bambooo

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do pandas say on Halloween?

Bam-BOO!

That's the entire joke but this subreddit won't let me post such a short joke, so I'll tell a little story like one of those irritating-as-fuck internet recipe intros that gives WTMI.
My four year old is fascinated by finding the perfect joke. He'll often pick up on jokes from tv ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and waits to be served.

The owner is confused by the presence of the panda, but decides to provide service just like he would any other customer. The panda orders a meal, eats the meal quietly, and then asks for the check.

As the owner prepares the bill, the panda suddenly pulls out a gun, fires a few rounds into t...

Why do pandas make awful boyfriends?

Because he only eats shoots and leaves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Panda

A panda pulls up to the valet at a nice restaurant, drops his car off, and goes inside. The panda is seated at a table and orders. He calmly eats, pulls out an AK-47 and shoots everyone in the restaurant. He walks outside and gives the valet his ticket. The valet, scared to death, reaches out with a...

Today, I saw twin pandas.

That bears repeating.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

panda

So this panda is tired of hanging around the zoo and decides one night, when his cage is accidently left open, that he's going to do what people do.

Being after dark, he's heads to the bar for some good 'ol fashion binge drinkin'

So this panda bear is sitting at the bar drinking some b...

What do pandas drink?

Bambooze

We don't serve pandas in here...

A panda walked into a restaurant and ordered a meal. After the panda ate, he shot the waiter and left. They called the police and the cop said, “I guess the waiter hadn’t looked up the definition of a panda”. The restaurant owner looked up the definition and it said “panda, an animal that eats shoot...

Why are Pandas untrustworthy?

They bamboozle you.

A panda walked into the restaurant where I work as a server.

He came in, found a table and sat down. Hesitantly, I approached and took his order. He ordered sooo much food. He ordered at least one of every entree. I faithfully took notes and read them back to him. Satisfied, he sent me away to give the orders to the kitchen staff.
I took a detour to ask m...

Pandas are to Bears what Vegans are to Humans

Adorably unfit to survive

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A panda walks into a restaurant

A panda walks into a restaurant. He is shown to his seat and orders some food. When he is done eating, he pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter. The chef runs out of the kitchen and asks the panda "what did you do!?!?" The panda responds, "I'm a panda, look it up" and walks away. the chef looks on h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A panda walks into a bar. Orders a meal and quietly eats it. When the bartender comes with the check, the panda pulls out a shotgun, shoots the bartender, and prepares to leave the bar. The bartender, on his last breath, screams “Why?!”

The panda pulls out a dictionary, points to the entry on pandas, which reads:
Panda (n.) – Eats shoots and leaves.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

On the sixth day

**ON THE SIXTH DAY... **

**God Creating Spiders**

God: Make it have 8 legs

Angel: Seems excessive but OK

God: And 8 eyes

Angel: You need to calm down a li-

God: Give it a bum rope

**God Creating Kittens**

God: make them fluffy & adorable li...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

They said pandas couldn't get babies

They were fucking wrong.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A panda walks into a bar

He sits at the bar, and orders some food. The food comes, and he eats. Once he's done, he jumps up, pulls out 2 pistols, and shoots wildly around the bar. He then turns to leave.

The bartender says "Hey, what the hell is your problem?"

The panda says "I'm a panda, look it up!"
...

I met a kid who loved everything black and white. He adored penguins, pandas, and Mickey mouse

I dont get why I'm not allowed to hang out with him anymore. All I asked is if he likes michael jackson.

As chosen by voters, Germany's Berlin Zoo named their two newborn pandas "Hong" and "Kong".

Upon hearing the news, China reacted fiercely and decided to withdraw all pandas from every country back to mainland China. It was a logistical nightmare⁠ to bring all the pandas back—it was pandemonium.

Where do Pandas live?

On the road to Extinction.

Why do Pandas have such a hard time mating in captivity?

Because all of their broads are in Atlanta

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A panda walks into a restaurant

The panda sits down and orders bamboo. The waiter, completely confused tells the panda that they don’t serve bamboo. The panda gets very angry and demands that they serve him bamboo. The waiter, again, tells the panda that they don’t serve bamboo. The panda points to a decorative bamboo plant near t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do pandas have black eyes?

SHE FELL, DAMNIT! God! What is with all the fucking questions?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A giant panda walks into a restaurant...

He orders some food, which is promptly brought to him by the waiter. The panda finishes his meal, gets up from the table, and pulls out a gun. He shoots the waiter and without saying a word, exits the restaurant.
The waiter, still bleeding, runs after the panda. He catches up with the panda and ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.