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Opticians Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Polish guy goes into an Opticians for an eye test.

Optician holds up the card with CZWJNYSACZ and asks him can he read that?

The Pole says “Read it? I know the cunt”.

How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb ?

Is it 1 or 2 ? 1 or 2 ? 1 or 2 ?

They charged me a fortune at the local opticians.

I'll tell you what, they saw me coming

Guess who I bumped into at the opticians the other day?

Everyone!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was at the opticians the other day.....

“I got cum in one of my pupils recently, should I be worried?” I asked.
“I think you’ll be fine.” He replied.

“That’s a relief. Her parents were banging on about telling the Headmaster and the Police.”

Went to the opticians.

She told me that I was color blind.


Well I must say, that came right out of the purple.

A man goes to the opticians

Says: “Doctor, I’m seeing double”

Doc looks up and asks: All three of you ?

A Polish man walks into an opticians for an eye test.

The optician sits him in the chair, and wants to know how good his eyes are, so he asks the man whether he can read the the letters on the 6th line, which are quite small.

The man replies "Of course I can! You think I can't spell my own brothers name?"

My wife just got back from the opticians with her new glasses. "How do I look?" she asked

"Through the glass bits!!!" I said.

A Polish guy went to the opticians...

... the doctor asked him:
“Could you cover your left eye and read the second row from the bottom please.”
“Sure” he replied and started reading...
“K R Z Y K A C Z”
And the he stops and says:
“ Can I read it? I know the guy!”

I received a letter from my opticians, but I’m concerned about their printer....

Either it’s failing or they used a blurry font. So weird.

A psychic goes into an opticians to get his contact lenses replaced.

Upon learning his customers profession, the optician asks what next year has in hold for him.

The psychic replies "Alas, I cannot tell you"

The optician, who has had a terrible year up to this point, begs him for just a basic reading, even offering free contact lenses for a year.
...

Optician.

A man goes to the opticians to get a new pair of glasses, the optician checks his records and finds that the man only had new glasses less than six months before. so he says to the man, "How did you break them, if it was in an accident, we might be able to replace them free."

the man says, "I...

A lot of opticians will be going out of business next year

Everyone is going to have 2020 vision

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl I dated from my local opticians text me saying I've got a split personality.

Wait, no. It says "shit".

I walked into the wrong opticians to collect my new glasses.

Should've gone to SpecSavers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

First joke I've ever come up with. So far nobody has laughed

I went to the opticians and they were telling me about revolutionary technology to allow us to see out of different parts such as our arms, nose and even our ass. Intrigued, I asked "when will this technology would be available?" The optician replied "arm and nose is coming in 2019, hindsight is 20...

There's a name for people who judge others solely on how they look

Opticians!

Which profession has the worst sense of humour?

Well, chiropodists like *corny* jokes.
But opticians like them *cornea*.

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