Where do naughty rainbows go?

Prism

What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold?

You'll be the end of me.

Photons from a rainbow hit you at almost 300 million m/s and you don’t even flinch

I guess they are pretty light

I asked my five year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday and she giggled, "I want unicorns, rainbows and fairies!"

Ok, LSD it is!

What's Ed Sheeran's favorite Lucky Charms? The Rainbow and Horseshoe.

He's in love with the shape of U.

What do you find at the end of a rainbow?

A “W”

( joke from my 8 yo daughter)

Where can you weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow...

What do you call a deceitful little criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow?

A leprechaun artist!

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My cock is rainbow coloured

Tell your mum to stop changing her damn lipstick

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

I ate a rainbow-colored Altoid

It was bi-curiously strong.

What do you call a magician wearing a rainbow colored suit?

Hue-dini

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Guy is out for a walk and sees a rainbow

He decides to find the end of the rainbow to see if he can really find a pot of gold. So he follows the rainbow to the end, and is surprised to find, rather than a pot, a leprechaun standing there. The leprechaun says, "I'll give you a pot of gold, but there's one condition."

"What's that?" r...

What do you call a rainbow without any colors?

A plainbow.

Credit to my 6 year old.

A Man finds a Leprechaun at the end of a rainbow

Suprised the Leprechaun tries to hide


The man says "I found you, can I have my pot of gold?"


The Leprechaun unwillingly gives him the pot, "I don't usually give this away free, this stuff doesn't grow on trees you know..."


........


Just 1 year later the ma...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A young punk with a rainbow colored mohawk says to an old man who’s staring at him: “what’s the matter old man, haven’t you ever done anything crazy in your life?”

The old man responds: “I have, actually. 17 years ago I got stupid drunk and fucked a parrot. I was just wondering if you’re my son”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I met a guy who claimed his jizz was rainbow colored

I asked him how that felt, to which he responded:

“I can’t complain”

The youth of today don't know how to make those 90s rainbow tie-dye t-shirts...

..I guess it's a dying art.

A rainbow is doing a drug deal...

The cops pull up and the rainbow yells "I don't want to go back to prism!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Old man and a rainbow haired boy in subway.

i've heard it in russian, so i'll try to translate it.
So, once an old man take a ride in subway and was confronted by a young person with brightly colored hairs, piercings everywhere possible and torn cloths. So, the old man seats calmly and stares at boy. He noticed that and asks: "what are yo...

A pilot passed through a rainbow on his flight test.

He passed with flying colors.

What the sound of a rainbow laughing?

Hue hue hue hue

My mental health is like a rainbow

All over the spectrum

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My kids will be friends with people of all colors of the rainbow.

That means no black people.


(Credit goes to a person on either America's Got Talent or Britain's Got Talent, can't remember which)

I think my wife considers me her rainbow.

Or at least, according to her, I'm on the spectrum.

How does a Confederate flag and a rainbow flag differ?

The latter represents people that win.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What do you call the ban on same sex marriage?

Rainbow Sex Seize

Don't be racist! I takes all colors to make a rainbow.

Except black. There's no black in a rainbow.


Credits to vinesauce

A man travels to Ireland for the first time.

His flight to Dublin arrives in the morning, and he travels into the countryside to stay for a few days. He goes to visit the Blarney Stone, feeds some animals at a ranch, and even gets to experience a rainstorm with a beautiful rainbow at the end. After his countryside excursion, he heads back to D...

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"...

Hugh Hefner was sitting in the Playboy mansion, admiring 'the view'

He then heard there were a group of people at the door, trying to sell him flowers.

He went out and said, "Can I help you?"
"HI sir! We are from Rainbow Florists and would like to know if you want to buy some beautiful flowers for your beautiful ladies?"

"Get the hell off my propert...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Magical Mirror

A husband and wife bought a mirror from a fortune teller hard up for cash. The fortune teller warned them that the mirror was capable of magically granting wishes, but to make sure to be mindful of the words you chose. If you rhyme and keep it simple, everything should be fine.

They of course...

Why did the unicorn cross the road?

To make the rainbow connection!

Why are all Leprechauns drug addicts?

Because there's pot at the end of the rainbow!

Once upon a time, a King wanted to have some fun...

.... He went on a podium and said loudly: "I will give half of my fortune to anyone who manages to tell me a lie that I, myself, admit that it's a lie."

An old man walked to the King and said: "I can draw rainbows wherever I want."

The King replied: "That's true, I saw you making one y...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man deposits $1,000 cash into his bank account every day

The bank employees start getting a little suspicious and tell the manager about the customer. The manager tells them to let him know next time he makes a deposit. Surely enough, the next day, he comes with 1k in cash to deposit into his account. The tellers tell the man that the manager would like t...

The Princess with the cursed hand

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who had been cursed from young - any object that she touched with her hands instantly melted in just about three seconds, before disintegrating aftwerwards. She'd even killed her own father this way.

The Queen was desperate to remove this terri...

The Clown Joke (WARNING: Very Long)

Once upon a time – which is a terrible way to start a joke – there was a little boy named Billy.

Billy was six years old, and for the whole of his short life, he had been utterly and intensely obsessed with clowns. He had clown bed sheets and clown posters; he had clown toys and clown-themed...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A teenager is walking down the street...

He's dressed up in all leather with spikes and studs and has a mohawk dyed like a rainbow. He notices an old man on a porch up ahead staring him down intensely. He just smiles to himself and keeps walking.

As he passes the house, he sees the old man has yet to take his eyes off him. Finally h...

A quick math question

Alright, so here's quick math question for ya:

So there's two trains. The first train is traveling at *exactly* 90 miles per hour from Plotopia heading due west. There is a clown standing atop it. He is holding a grenade. (And yes, his billowing pants and rainbow-dyed afro-wig *are* affecting...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to the doctor....

He whips it out and says "doc, look at this". His dick is striped with every color of the rainbow.

Doc: "Yep, seen that before. Nothing we can do but amputate."

Man: "Screw you doc!" and runs out.

The man sees every doctor in town, but they all take one look and say the same ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

An elderly man goes to a shopping mall...

... And decides to sit down for a while in the food court. A few moments pass by and a young man sits a few tables away from him. This young man has a mohawk taller than half of his body and dyed every color of the rainbow. The old man begins staring at the young man and eventually the latter gets a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy was sitting in a cafe

When suddenly a girl with a wild rainbow mohawk passed by. The guy stared at her and she caught him staring.

Girl: "what? Never tried anything wild?"

The guy just shook his head and says.

Guy: "no, i fucked a parrot once and im wondering if you were one of its offspring"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The neighborhood bully

The neighborhood bully was a guy named Horace. He was a nasty, mean, arrogant, sexist, racist jerk who made life miserable for the rest of the town. In particular, Horace's neighbors lived in constant fear of setting him off. Anything from stepping one foot on his front lawn or failing to bring in t...

In the year 2013, the Lord appeared unto Noah, who was now living in America, and said:

"Once again, the earth has become wicked and overpopulated, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another Ark and save two of every living thing, along with a few good humans." He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I bring about unending rain for 4...

Modern Bible Stories: American Noah's Ark

…..And the Lord spoke to Noah and said:
” In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed, but I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark.”
In a...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Friday Update - Jokes for the week of 3/16-3/22

A new study shows sugary drinks cause over 180k deaths a year, only 4 of which are from being crushed by a soda machine. I like those odds!

Japan has created a remote controlled mobile toilet, because sometimes you just gotta go.

A North Korean spokesman has said that its nuclear arms ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The Punk Rocker

A middle-aged guy gets on a bus and sits down. He looks across from him and sees a punk rocker with spiked hair dyed every color of the rainbow - blue, red, yellow, green, orange.

The punk rocker notices the guy gawking at him and says, "What's a matter, old man? Didn't you ever do anything...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Dirty old man

An old man was sitting on a bench when a teenager with a rainbow mohawk walked by. The old man stared at him. Seeing him star, the teenager said "What's the matter old-timer, never done anything crazy in your life?" The old man replied "Many years ago, I got drunk at a wild party and had sex with a ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Since We're Posting Jokes From Our Grandpas...

A twenty-something with a rainbow colored mohawk is sitting at a booth at a restaurant. After a while he realizes an old man sitting there staring at him. He goes back to eating but the old man is still staring at him. Eventually, he goes over and asks "look, can I help you?" and the old man says "w...