UPJOKE
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What do you call a rainbow without any colors?

A plainbow.

Credit to my 6 year old.

I was caught stealing a rainbow once

Ended up getting thrown in prism

What do you find at the end of a rainbow?

A “W”

( joke from my 8 yo daughter)

What did the rainbow say to the pot of gold?

You'll be the end of me.

How much does a Rainbow weigh?

I don’t know for sure, it’s Light!

Hahahaha as far as I am aware, I just created this joke and I could not be more proud of myself!!!!

Why is a rainbow the pride flags colors.

Because it’s the first thing you see when the sun comes out.

I saw a rainbow flag covered in seaweed.

AlgaeBTQ

Where do bad rainbows go?

Prism.

What happens to a rainbow when it breaks the law?

It goes through the prism system

I ate some rainbow candy that I was a little concerned about;

I'm okay now; it passed with flying colors

The other day I saw a little rainbow and it was dancing all over the place so I asked the rainbow why it was dancing...

The rainbow replied: "Cuz I just got outta prism"

I asked my 5 year old daughter what she wanted for her birthday?

She said, she wanted unicorns,fairies and rainbows.

LSD it is then.

What do rainbows do in prison?

They refract on what they have done.

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Learning how to identify

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer wearing a rainbow pride shirt. "I didn't realize you were gay," the bartender says. "Oh, I'm not. But I just discovered I am a part of the LGBT community and I want to show my support," the guy replies. "Since I get all my loving from prostitutes it was point...

Why are rainbows always happy?

Because they just got out of prism.

It's illegal to reach the end of a rainbow

If you find it, you go to prism.

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A girl I met last night told me her pussy tasted like a rainbow...

Found out that she meant 'Trout' and not 'Skittles.'

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Rainbow Mohawk,,,

An old man was sitting on a bench when a teenager with a rainbow mohawk walked by. The old man stared at him. Seeing him Staring, the teenager said "What's the matter old-timer, never done anything crazy in your life?" The old man replied "Many years ago, I got drunk at a wild party and had sex with...

How much does a rainbow weigh?

Not much, they're actually pretty light.

In the year 2010, the Lord came unto Noah and said:

“Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I see the end of all flash before me. Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6 months to build the Ark before I will start the unending ra...

What did Lieutenant Worf say when he made rainbow T-shirts with his son?

“Today *is* a good day to dye!”

What's rarer that a double rainbow

Double impeachment

What do you call a magician wearing a rainbow colored suit?

Hue-dini

My 5 yo son, Samuel, came up with this knock knock joke at his birthday and we were all in tears..

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"Sam"

"Sam who?"

"Samwhere over the rainbow..."

What do you call allies who color things in rainbows to show support for Pride?

Dye-er Straights!

I have a remarkable ability to see numbers as rainbow colors

But I can only count to seven

What do you call a deceitful little criminal who lives at the end of the rainbow?

A leprechaun artist!

Who is the Greek goddess of rainbows?

Diffractodite.

The sky had a rainbow color to it today.

I guess the sun's coming out.

My mom called and told me granpa is now somewhere over the rainbow and gone to his glory.

Yeah, I saw him on the news - he had a hell of a Pride parade.

Bought a new camera today…

and wanted to test it out. I was looking for a good subject and found a salon where a guy was cutting a woman’s hair. I went in and asked him if I could take some pictures. He said she wanted a rainbow look, and it would be great to get some before and after pics to capture the coloring process.
...

I asked a baker where does he go to get his pies weighed. He said “somewhere over the rainbow”.........

Weigh a pie

Katy Perry sang that after a hurricane comes a rainbow, but you know what else comes after a hurricane?

A moron in a suit.

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

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My cock is rainbow coloured

Tell your mum to stop changing her damn lipstick

What's Ed Sheeran's favorite Lucky Charms? The Rainbow and Horseshoe.

He's in love with the shape of U.

I hate optimists.

They'll jump out of a plane expecting sunshine and rainbows to cushion their fall. Meanwhile, I'll look both ways before crossing the street and get hit by the optimist.

Leprechaun's Lucky Rainbow

Three men find a Leprechaun and he says, "I will snap my fingers and we will be at the top of my rainbow." With a quick snap the men are on the rainbow.

The Leprechaun then says, "As you slide down the rainbow, yell out what you want and it will appear at the bottom."

The first man sli...

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My kids will be friends with people of all colors of the rainbow.

That means no black people.


(Credit goes to a person on either America's Got Talent or Britain's Got Talent, can't remember which)

A Man finds a Leprechaun at the end of a rainbow

Suprised the Leprechaun tries to hide


The man says "I found you, can I have my pot of gold?"


The Leprechaun unwillingly gives him the pot, "I don't usually give this away free, this stuff doesn't grow on trees you know..."


........


Just 1 year later the ma...

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Old man and a rainbow haired boy in subway.

i've heard it in russian, so i'll try to translate it.
So, once an old man take a ride in subway and was confronted by a young person with brightly colored hairs, piercings everywhere possible and torn cloths. So, the old man seats calmly and stares at boy. He noticed that and asks: "what are yo...

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A man deposits $1,000 cash into his bank account every day

The bank employees start getting a little suspicious and tell the manager about the customer. The manager tells them to let him know next time he makes a deposit. Surely enough, the next day, he comes with 1k in cash to deposit into his account. The tellers tell the man that the manager would like t...

Once upon a time, a King wanted to have some fun...

.... He went on a podium and said loudly: "I will give half of my fortune to anyone who manages to tell me a lie that I, myself, admit that it's a lie."

An old man walked to the King and said: "I can draw rainbows wherever I want."

The King replied: "That's true, I saw you making one y...

Why did the T-Rex attack the LGBTQ parade?

It wanted to Taste the Rainbow.

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Why isn’t a vertical rainbow gay?

Because it’s straight.

Photons from a rainbow hit you at almost 300 million m/s and you don’t even flinch

I guess they are pretty light

What the sound of a rainbow laughing?

Hue hue hue hue

A rainbow is doing a drug deal...

The cops pull up and the rainbow yells "I don't want to go back to prism!"

The youth of today don't know how to make those 90s rainbow tie-dye t-shirts...

..I guess it's a dying art.

My mental health is like a rainbow

All over the spectrum

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Two Priests and Two Nuns have dinner with His Holiness, the Pope.

Two priests are fishing on lake outside of Rome. It's a beautiful day, the sun is light, and the water is smooth. Suddenly the first priests fishing rod bends alarmingly; he has hooked a huge fish! It's a struggle but he managed to reel it in. It's a beautiful rainbow coloured fish and big enough to...

Bob and Rose are getting on in years, and their memories aren't what they used to be.

They make a visit to the doctor, who does a thorough check-up, before telling them that there's nothing to worry about, and that this is just a symptom of getting older.

"One thing you could try", the doc says, "is to write down the things you need to remember. Many of my patients say that he...

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A young man gets a flat tire and must find a place to stay for the night...

He knocks on the door of a nearby house and an old man greets him. The old man hears out the young mans predicament, and allows him to stay for a night. Later the young man hears strange noises coming from a red door on the other side of his room but goes to sleep anyway. Asking the old man the ne...

The Three Paddies find a Leprechaun...

The Three Paddies find a leprechaun, who brings them to the top of his rainbow.
“Slide down the rainbow, and shout out something, and you’ll find it at the bottom,” He says to them.
Paddy the Englishman slides down and shouts gold and he lands in huge pot of gold.
Paddy the Scotsman slides...

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I met a guy who claimed his jizz was rainbow colored

I asked him how that felt, to which he responded:

“I can’t complain”

I ate a rainbow-colored Altoid

It was bi-curiously strong.

How does a Confederate flag and a rainbow flag differ?

The latter represents people that win.

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The Princess with the cursed hand

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess who had been cursed from young - any object that she touched with her hands instantly melted in just about three seconds, before disintegrating aftwerwards. She'd even killed her own father this way.

The Queen was desperate to remove this terri...

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...

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True story

My wife comes at home in a hurry:

**—** Honey, I'm late for my gynecologist appointment! Don't have time to shower and shave, I'll just wash down there and I'll go. 5 min later she rushes out the door.

When she comes back, she's angry as hell:

**—** That son of a bitch, he's bee...

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The true story of cinderella

Cinderella wanted to go to the ball, but her mom said she had work to do.

So she finished all her chores and asked "please, please, let me go to the ball!"

But mom said she had nothing to wear.

"Oh, i sewwed this dres out of old scraps. Isn't it beautiful?" Cinderella pleaded....

For my chemistry homework, I was supposed to write a thousand words on acid.

I tried, but my pen turned into a rainbow-coloured giraffe and then the desk melted.

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Can you tell your mom to stop wearing different lipsticks every day?

My dick's starting to look like a fucking rainbow!

What can Skittles do that guys can't?

Come in a rainbow of flavors.

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What do you call the ban on same sex marriage?

Rainbow Sex Seize

Don't be racist! I takes all colors to make a rainbow.

Except black. There's no black in a rainbow.


Credits to vinesauce

Two witches were arguing about who was the better witch

One rainy day inside the coven HQ, Meredith and Wendy were arguing about who was the better witch.

"I'm the superior spellcaster", boasted Meredith. She raised her wand into the air, and conjured up a small cloud. It snowed over Wendy's head, dropping hailstones the size of marbles.

"...

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Six Letters of the Alphabet

Billy was a boy in kindergarten. At the end of the school day, the teacher gave the class a simple task.

“Ok class, I want you to go home tonight and learn the first six letters of the alphabet.”

So Billy left school determined to learn what the teacher had asked. When he got home, he ...

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A convent of Catholic nuns receives a letter saying the Pope himself will be visiting in just a few days

They are all very excited and nervous. Mothers Mary, Agnes, and Isadore take it upon themselves to prepare the convent to receive His Holiness and plan a simple but delicious meal of fresh caught fish from the local lake with herbs and vegetables from their own garden.

Agnes goes to the loca...

My grandfather was always playing pranks on people.

My grandfather was always playing pranks on people. He was originally from Ireland before he moved to the US. He fit all of the stereotypes of an Irishman, having red hair and beard, constantly being at the bar, and having an accent so thick that I could barely understand him even though I knew him ...

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