A well-dressed man, complete with top hat and monocle, walks into a bar.
The bartender, who has seen it all, pours the dapper gentleman two fingers of their top-shelf 25-year-old scotch. Just as the man begins nursing the peaty, smoky booze, a rabbi, a priest, and a minister all walk into the bar, arguing about how to prove the existence of their respective Gods.
People with fogged up glasses from wearing a mask: have you considered using a monocle?
It only fogs up half as much.
A monocle walks into a bar
After a few drinks he starts to feel pretty good (and a little tipsy). He reaches for a cigarette, but the bartender stops him. "Sorry, buddy, but due to city ordinances we don't allow smoking in here. You'll have to step outside to smoke."
So the monocle hops off the bar stool and grabs his ...
Why do you never wear two monocles at the same time?
Because you'd make a spectacle of yourself.
2 Monocles walk into a bar
The new bartender can tell that they are already well on their way to intoxication but obliges them anyway when they order 2 shots.
As the night goes on they continue to get drunker and drunker and their behaviour becomes obnoxious. From loud arguments to inappropriate comments to women and e...
My Friend Dressed Up As A Monocle For Halloween
He made a spectacle of himself
London held a monocle convention for high class members of society...
... it was a respectable spectacle spectacle.
What's the difference between obsequious behaviour towards someone important in order to gain advantage and John Wayne Gacy wearing a top hat and monocle?
One is sycophancy and the other is a fancy sicko.
(As far as I'm aware this is an original joke that I created and am quite pleased with)
Why should you never go drinking if you wear a monocle?
Because then you’d be a barnacle.
I once knew a man with two monocles.
He made made a right spectacle of himself.
A young man buys a chicken farm out in the country
He doesn't know much about chickens, so he decides to go consult with some of the locals. He finds an old farmer and asks if he might be able to give him some pointers. The old farmer tells him "sure, meet me here at 6am tomorrow and I'll show you the ropes.
The young man gets up and ...
Some aMOOzing cow jokes
**What do you call a cow with two legs?** >!Lean Beef!<
**What do you call a cow with no legs?** >!Ground Beef!<
**What do you call a cow with three legs?** >!Tri-tip!<
**What do you call a cow with a monocle and a three-piece suit?** &g...
my sight was getting bad so I went to get glasses ...
I could not afford a pair so I bought a monocle instead -
at least now I have 1920 vision.