UPJOKE
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Two Time Jokes

Genie granted me one wish, but with a condition that my enemy will get two times more

I asked for 120/80 blood pressure

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Why does Jesus have sex only two times a week??

It takes three days for him to rise again.

What is two times more disgusting than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm in your apple

Two time travelers meet at a bar

"So when were you during the great financial crisis?"

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There are only two times a year....

when I masturbate, when it's my birthday, and when it's not.

I’ve only done cocaine two times in my life..

..once for 2 years, and once for 5 years.

Redditors laugh at jokes two times

Once when they read it, and once when they repost it.

My wife and I have the secret to making a marriage last. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant and have a little wine and good food.

She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

What do you call fish that taste two times as salty?

2Na

i've been married two times. my first wife died to poisonous mushrooms. the other sufred severe skull fracture.

\-what happened to her?

\-she didn't want to eat the mushrooms

There are two times when a man doesn't understand a woman

before marriage and after marriage.

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Two times two is four, four plus five is nine, I can pee in yours but you can't pee in mine".

A guy and a girl are having sex when they both say, "I'm really hungry and thirsty too. It was freakin' freezing in the house so they both have an argument over who should go get the food and drink.

After a while they decide to have a contest. Whoever can come up with the best poem would be ...

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On average, an American man will have sex

two to three times a week; whereas a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year. This is upsetting news to me. I had no idea I was Japanese.

A real man can feel embarrassed only two times in his life...

the first time when he can't manage the second time, and the second time when he can't manage the first time.

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