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Old Person Jokes

What does an old person turn into when bitten by Dracula?

A Grampire.

What's the difference between a young and old person?

When you're young a joint is something you smoke, when you're old it's something that hurts

What is an old person called in Egypt?

a Giza

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does an old person's ass taste like?

Depends

If you see and old person and a child in the road you're driving on, what do you hit??

The Brakes!!

What is an old person's favorite flavor of gum?

Retire-Mint


^Thank ^you, ^goodnight

What do you call it when you throw away an old person but they return?

Boomerang.

What determines if an old person can stand in line to vote?

Depends.

If an old person looks through their Facebook timeline

You could say that the Elder Scrolls

What do you call a rude old person who won't leave you alone?

A boomer-ang.

Whats it called when an old person gets hurt smoking weed?

Joint pain.

Another joke about an old person on a bus.

An old man gets on a crowded bus. All the seats are full and he ends up leaning on his cane in front of a young whippersnapper who doesn't offer his seat.

As the bus starts to drive, the man's cane slips out from under him and the man loses his balance. As the bus stops to pick up more passen...

I made this up today! What do you call a guy who's been left at the old persons home three times in a week?

Jerry hat trick.



(Geriatric)

What do you call an old person with really good hearing?

Deaf Defying.

What do you call an old person trying to fit in with today's kids?

A dislocated hipster.

What do you call and old person who runs away from the nursing home, but always comes back later?

A Boomerang

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wise words and thoughts.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

I’m responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it the most never use it.

My tole...

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