My wife said she’d leave me if I kept quoting Shrek and I didn’t believe her

But then I saw her face

If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm–

–BODY ONCE TOLD ME…

What do you call it when Shrek gets mad?

Ogre-reacting!

How does Shrek like his eggs?

Ogre easy.

I was just imagining Shrek trying to comfort Fiona while she gave birth to triplets.

"Better out than in ae Fiona"

who is gordon ramsay's favorite shrek character?

donkey

What does Fiona let Shrek do on Valentine's Day?

Smash Mouth

Why did no one want to be near Shrek?

He had terrible body ogre

Me and a friend were eating Shrek's baby for dinner. My friend thought the meal was great.

Myself, I thought it was a little meaty ogre.

Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?

He ogre-dosed

My wife said she'd divorce me if I kept making Shrek puns

I told her to get ogre it

What did the lazy dog say when Shrek surprised him?

Oh, grr.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I’m trying to pick up girls I ask them, are you Shrek?

Because you’ve got an ass that talks back

What is Shrek’s favorite food?

Ogert!

I thought my wife was joking when she said she'd leave me if I don't stop singing "I'm a believer" from the Shrek Movie

Then I saw her face...

My friend tried to make me watch shrek

But I find it ogrerated

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's it called when Shrek gets a blow job?

Smash Mouth

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been

Mediogre

A Pondering thought on Shrek

Do you think Shrek ever told fiona that he was head ogre heels for her?

What’s it called when too many animals move into Shrek’s swamp?

Ogre-population

What do you call it when Shrek falls off a boat?

Ogreboard.

What would you call Shrek if he was small?

Shrank

I was raised to believe that girls never lied.

So when I was out with my best friend at the cinema, one of the female workers there said she knew how to get into the cinema for free, so I believed her. She took me to an empty cinema and started to lower the lights and started to remove her clothing. I was confused but I went along with it. The m...

What do you call a Shrek fan girl?

An O-girl!

What do Bruce Lee and the Donkey from Shrek have in common?

They have both entered the dragon.

What's the difference between Finding Nemo and Shrek?

Finding Nemo is about Efficiency.

I heard Shrek opened a new church so I decided to attend.

First thing they told us to do was open our bibles to Psalm: body once told me.

What the food critic say after eating Shrek?

"He was just meaty ogre"

Not many people know this but there's actually a bible verse about Shrek

It's called Psalm-BODY ONCE TOLD ME!!!

What did Shrek say when he tripped over Donkey?

Sorry, didn't see you ogre there.

5 things I won't finish this year

1. My work

2. A thing in a game

3. My plans

4. My list on reasons why I would have shrek as a pet

5. This list

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have a green ball in your right hand, and a green ball in your left hand, what do you have?

Shreks dick in you mouth

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can predict your favorite movie with one simple trick..

This math test will determine your favorite movie.
Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be Gone With The Wind. Thats my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked.
.
Be honest and dont look at the movie list till you have done the math!
.
Try this test and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call nonconcensual ogre sex?

Shreksual harassment

Shrek isn't a very good cook

He's pretty mediogre

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

I put on Shrek and fell asleep. I woke up and it was over.

I ogre slept.

Why didn't Princess Fiona fall in love with Lord Farquaad?

He lacks Shrek's appeal

My kids love The Hulk so I painted myself green for my son’s birthday party.

Man were they excited to meet Shrek.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Magic Dildo

They say that love knows no bounds. In the case of Donkey and the Dragon, this is true. However, even though the two loved each other, Donkey quickly realized that the differences in their sizes meant that he couldn't please the Dragon with his little Pinocchio.

Wanting the best for his loved...

I loved the first Shrek movie

The second one was mediogre

So I Saw Shrek For The First Time

Ehhh ... I though it was pretty mediogre.

The news out of Washington has me feeling like Shrek.

I miss the good old days when all we had was a swamp.

Judging by the sounds, there’s an ogre staying in the hotel room above me.

Hopefully he shreks out tomorrow.

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