If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm–

–BODY ONCE TOLD ME…

There are children being born who’s parents weren’t alive when Shrek was released in 2001

It’s crazy how the years start coming and they simply don’t stop coming

My wife said if I mentioned Shrek one more time in bed she’d leave me. I thought she was joking

But then I saw her face

How to get beaten up by the shrek community

Step 1. Say " Shrek the third wasnt that bad. "

Step 2. Wait for every shrek fan to chase after you

I was just imagining Shrek trying to comfort Fiona while she gave birth to triplets.

"Better out than in ae Fiona"

Which European country did Fiona and Shrek go to for their honeymoon?

The Shrek Republic.

How does Shrek like his eggs?

Ogre easy.

who is gordon ramsay's favorite shrek character?

donkey

What do you call it when Shrek gets mad?

Ogre-reacting!

What does Fiona let Shrek do on Valentine's Day?

Smash Mouth

Why did no one want to be near Shrek?

He had terrible body ogre

My wife said she'd divorce me if I kept making Shrek puns

I told her to get ogre it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I’m trying to pick up girls I ask them, are you Shrek?

Because you’ve got an ass that talks back

Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?

He ogre-dosed

What did the lazy dog say when Shrek surprised him?

Oh, grr.

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been

Mediogre

remember when shrek used his giant green hands to take the helmet off of his giant green head

and fiona was shocked he turned out to be an ogre

What is Shrek’s favorite food?

Ogert!

A Pondering thought on Shrek

Do you think Shrek ever told fiona that he was head ogre heels for her?

What do you call it when Shrek falls off a boat?

Ogreboard.

My friend tried to make me watch shrek

But I find it ogrerated

What would you call Shrek if he was small?

Shrank

I'm quite disappointed with the lack of Shrek jokes in this sub

And I don't think I'll ever get ogre it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's it called when Shrek gets a blow job?

Smash Mouth

What’s it called when too many animals move into Shrek’s swamp?

Ogre-population

I heard Shrek opened a new church so I decided to attend.

First thing they told us to do was open our bibles to Psalm: body once told me.

What do Bruce Lee and the Donkey from Shrek have in common?

They have both entered the dragon.

What the food critic say after eating Shrek?

"He was just meaty ogre"

What did Shrek say when he tripped over Donkey?

Sorry, didn't see you ogre there.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can predict your favorite movie with one simple trick..

This math test will determine your favorite movie.
Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be Gone With The Wind. Thats my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked.
.
Be honest and dont look at the movie list till you have done the math!
.
Try this test and ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have a green ball in your right hand, and a green ball in your left hand, what do you have?

Shreks dick in you mouth

What do you call a Shrek fan girl?

An O-girl!

Not many people know this but there's actually a bible verse about Shrek

It's called Psalm-BODY ONCE TOLD ME!!!

Shrek isn't a very good cook

He's pretty mediogre

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

I put on Shrek and fell asleep. I woke up and it was over.

I ogre slept.

Why didn't Princess Fiona fall in love with Lord Farquaad?

He lacks Shrek's appeal

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call nonconcensual ogre sex?

Shreksual harassment

So I Saw Shrek For The First Time

Ehhh ... I though it was pretty mediogre.

I was raised to believe that girls never lied.

So when I was out with my best friend at the cinema, one of the female workers there said she knew how to get into the cinema for free, so I believed her. She took me to an empty cinema and started to lower the lights and started to remove her clothing. I was confused but I went along with it. The m...

5 things I won't finish this year

1. My work

2. A thing in a game

3. My plans

4. My list on reasons why I would have shrek as a pet

5. This list

My kids love The Hulk so I painted myself green for my son’s birthday party.

Man were they excited to meet Shrek.

I loved the first Shrek movie

The second one was mediogre

The news out of Washington has me feeling like Shrek.

I miss the good old days when all we had was a swamp.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.