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Shrek Jokes

If you want to read the Gospel according to Shrek, open your Bible to Psalm–

–BODY ONCE TOLD ME…

Shrek was furious when all the fairy tale creatures were forced onto his swamp

It was Marsh Madness!

If Shrek had been an average movie, it would’ve been

Mediogre

I heard that Shrek’s coming to our town

I know this because someBODY once told me!

"How would blind people watch shrek?"

Interviewer: "I meant any question about the job."

How to get beaten up by the shrek community

Step 1. Say " Shrek the third wasnt that bad. "

Step 2. Wait for every shrek fan to chase after you

How does Shrek like his eggs?

Ogre easy.

My wife said she’d leave me if I kept quoting Shrek and I didn’t believe her

But then I saw her face

When my wife threatened a divorce because of my obsession with the Shrek soundtrack, I thought she was joking.

But then I saw her face

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's it called when Shrek gets a blow job?

Smash Mouth

What do you call someone who likes both Shrek and Fiona?

Bishreksual

(Courtesy of my 13yo son)

What’s donkey from shrek’s favorite Bruce Lee movie?

Enter the dragon

Why did no one want to be near Shrek?

He had terrible body ogre

What did Shrek use to propose to Fiona?

An onion ring.

who is gordon ramsay's favorite shrek character?

donkey

There are children being born who’s parents weren’t alive when Shrek was released in 2001

It’s crazy how the years start coming and they simply don’t stop coming

What does Fiona let Shrek do on Valentine's Day?

Smash Mouth

What do you call it when Shrek gets mad?

Ogre-reacting!

A Pondering thought on Shrek

Do you think Shrek ever told fiona that he was head ogre heels for her?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I like my girls like Shrek...

Big boned and with an ass that talks back

I was just imagining Shrek trying to comfort Fiona while she gave birth to triplets.

"Better out than in ae Fiona"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I’m trying to pick up girls I ask them, are you Shrek?

Because you’ve got an ass that talks back

What is Shrek’s favorite food?

Ogert!

What do you call it when Shrek falls off a boat?

Ogreboard.

Shrek isn't a very good cook

He's pretty mediogre

Which European country did Fiona and Shrek go to for their honeymoon?

The Shrek Republic.

What did the lazy dog say when Shrek surprised him?

Oh, grr.

My friend tried to make me watch shrek

But I find it ogrerated

What did Shrek say when he tripped over Donkey?

Sorry, didn't see you ogre there.

I'm quite disappointed with the lack of Shrek jokes in this sub

And I don't think I'll ever get ogre it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If you have a green ball in your right hand, and a green ball in your left hand, what do you have?

Shreks dick in you mouth

My wife said she'd divorce me if I kept making Shrek puns

I told her to get ogre it

Did you hear about the person who watched too many Shrek movies?

He ogre-dosed

What the food critic say after eating Shrek?

"He was just meaty ogre"

My friend told me to stop singing "I'm a believer" from Shrek, I thought she was joking.....

And then I saw her face

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call nonconcensual ogre sex?

Shreksual harassment

I loved the first Shrek movie

The second one was mediogre

What’s it called when too many animals move into Shrek’s swamp?

Ogre-population

I heard Shrek opened a new church so I decided to attend.

First thing they told us to do was open our bibles to Psalm: body once told me.

I put on Shrek and fell asleep. I woke up and it was over.

I ogre slept.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I can predict your favorite movie with one simple trick..

This math test will determine your favorite movie.
Amazing!
This is pretty damn amazing. Mine turned out to be Gone With The Wind. Thats my favorite movie! I was surprised how this worked.
.
Be honest and dont look at the movie list till you have done the math!
.
Try this test and ...

Why didn't Princess Fiona fall in love with Lord Farquaad?

He lacks Shrek's appeal

So I Saw Shrek For The First Time

Ehhh ... I though it was pretty mediogre.

A joke

My friend was planning on going to a costume party as Shrek, but was really reluctant to paint himself green. He was worried about it being seen as insensitive, like blackface. He asked my opinion, but I wasn’t sure. So, I told him, “I think you better check yourself before you Shrek yourself.”

How was the sound quality of Shrek's musical keyboard?

Nothing special, it was just MIDI-Ogre

Not many people know this but there's actually a bible verse about Shrek

It's called Psalm-BODY ONCE TOLD ME!!!

5 things I won't finish this year

1. My work

2. A thing in a game

3. My plans

4. My list on reasons why I would have shrek as a pet

5. This list

What do you call a Shrek fan girl?

An O-girl!

My kids love The Hulk so I painted myself green for my son’s birthday party.

Man were they excited to meet Shrek.

The news out of Washington has me feeling like Shrek.

I miss the good old days when all we had was a swamp.

I was raised to believe that girls never lied.

So when I was out with my best friend at the cinema, one of the female workers there said she knew how to get into the cinema for free, so I believed her. She took me to an empty cinema and started to lower the lights and started to remove her clothing. I was confused but I went along with it. The m...

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