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Cyclops Jokes

While doing a crossword, the cyclops asked his wife, "How do you spell Hawaii?"

She replied, "You need two i’s."

Cyclops growled, "My life is just a big joke to you, isn’t it?"

What did Polyphemus the cyclops say when his wife asked him how she looked?

"Sorry, no idea."

Did you know that a cyclops’ favorite winter activity is sking?

It’s like skiing, but with one “eye”

Why did the cyclops quit teaching?

He had only one pupil.

There was once a cyclops living in a cave on an island ...

The cyclops loved himself a good meal of human meat. He ate many a people.

Once, a young man came to the island to kill the cyclops. The cyclops had, to say the least, a lot of trouble killing the young fellow.

At one point the cyclops asked, in his rage: Who are you?

The man re...

What did Odysseus say to the depressed Cyclops?

Nobody cares.

Cyclops

Is the sound a depressed horse makes when it runs

The word "cyclops" should be spelt "ciclops".

Just so that it has one "I".

A cyclops walked into a bar

He didn't have any depth perception

What did one Australian Cyclops say to the other?

Good Eye mate!

Two guys go into a hat shop run by a cyclops.

One of them says "That's the one I'd get". So the cyclops hit him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cyclops came in the cave all angry and hot

Cyclops: I know you are cheating on me! Who are you fucking!

Wife: Nobody!!

Read a book about a lonely cyclops.

It's called, "Me, Myself and Eye."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is your perspective on cyclops?

If things don’t work out with the wife, I think I’ll look for a nice, one-eyed girl.


I think I’d be more sexually compatible with someone who has little to no depth perception.

Which way does a cyclops wing their eyeliner?

It doesn’t matter because Nobody will judge them anyway!

Why should we rename the alphabet to the cyclops?

Because it only has one I.


(I made it up to entertain my four year old, but I'm still kinda of it.)

Why did the navy refuse to have a cyclops for a general?

They wouldn't be able to say " eye-eye sir"

Polyphemus the cyclops learns his assaulter's name and yells to Poseidon to strike him down Poseidon asks why?

Polyphemus:
"He's O-dissing-us"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did Professor X said when Cyclops whipped out his penis?

"Keep it in your Jeans"

I made this joke up randomly at the store...

Did you hear Cyclops of the x-men got vaccinated?

He got his pfizer.

My friend was recently blinded in an horrific skiing accident...

So please comment with your best cyclops/pirate/one eyed jokes so I can simultaneously cheer him up & take the p*ss

(This aint a joke)

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What does a cyclops and a pile of shit have in common?

They both look like my ex-wife Helen, that wretched ugly cheating bitch.

An Australian was in London admiring suits displayed in a shop window...

To nobody in particular he said, "Ahh, there's the one I'd get!"

A split second later, a three foot tall cyclops ran up and punched him in the nuts.

Wolverine, Nightcrawler and Cyclops heard of the birth of Jesus and decided to pay him a visit

They had travelled many miles following a star, until they came to Bethlehem.

Finally, the found the stable wherein the tiny baby lay in a manger, watched over by his mother Mary.

They knelt before the babe and asked of his mother, "May we worship the holy child?"

Sadly she s...

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X-men get captured.

Wolverine, Cyclops, and Magneto are captured by Mr. Sinister. As they regain consciousness they realize they are naked with their testicles in a vibranium clamp hanging from a vibranium chain that is slowly being lifted to the ceiling. As they realize they are about to be painfully suspended only by...

Why doesn't Nick Fury have a super-hero name?

Because "cyclops" was already taken.

True

You can lead a jackass to logic but you can't make them think.

If you laid all of the world's economists end-to-end they wouldn't reach a conclusion.

It is easier to tell a book by it's cover than without it.

If God meant for humans to fly He wouldn't have created so much traffi...

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My friend invited me to go and see a freak show...

He said 'they've got all sorts; a one eyed man called the cyclops, a woman covered in scales called the lizard lady, even a man with a willy where his nose should be'

'What do they call *him*' I asked

He said 'fuck knows'

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