UPJOKE
scampimpterrorwaifbratwurstlittle terrorrascalladrugratkidtyketwitbumpkinbuffooncurmudgeon

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Cinderella was being a brat...

Cinderella was being bitchy and bratty days before the ball and it pissed her fairy godmother off something furious. To teach her a lesson, the fairy godmother said;

"Look I'm not going to be heartless. You can go to the ball and dance with Prince Charming, but if you're back ONE MINUTE after...

When your a spoiled brat and your dad is a trusts lawyer

Kid starts throwing a tantrum in a department store:

Kid: If you don’t buy this for me for Christmas I’ll kill myself!”

Dad: “Well then it’s a good thing I took out that life insurance policy on you”

Kid: “Ughhh! I hate you!”

Dad: “I love you too”

Kid: “Didn’t you ...

What does a spoiled brat need to break a laptop in 1 minute?

1. Laptop
2. One minute


Real life story.

I went to a great restaurant the other day -- it has absolute best brats, franks, and other sausages I've ever had!

It was literally the wurst place in town.

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The kids asked what was for dinner and I told them "Scraps". They started crying. Spoiled brats, it's really hard to get food at the moment thanks to the panic buying.

And it was a stupid name for a dog anyway.



(Obligatory thank-you edit for the silver!)

(Narwhal! Narwhals are cool!)

what's the most hilarious thing a spoiled brat might say?

No I'm not

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What did Hitler do to gain power in Germany?

He Brat out the Wurst in people.

My little brother is throwing a tantrum because we aren’t having German sausages for dinner

He’s being such a brat

4th of July picnic

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "How was your 4th of July picnic?" the bartender asks. "Horrible. Everyone came down with food poisoning," the guy replies. "I knew the hot dogs might have gone bad, but turns out the brats were the wurst."

Dummy

A young ventriloquist is touring the clubs and one night he's doing a show in a small town in Arkansas. With his dummy on his knee, he starts going through his usual dumb blonde jokes when a blonde in the 4th row stands on her chair and starts shouting

"I've heard enough of your stupid blonde...

What’s the worst brat of all?

A bratwurst.

Which sausages are the most immature?

The brats.

I hate when my mom grills brats for dinner

She’s the würst

I thought burying my wurst for a few days would improve its attitude, but it just became a spoiled brat.

I'm sorry. That was completely terrible. I shouldn't have wasted your time.

My sister and her kids live with me, and I'm always waking up to a spoiled brat screaming her lungs out.

Her kids don't help either.

We all know that no matter how kind you are, a German child is kinder

But let me tell you something, when they’re being brats, they’re the wurst!

Pork is delicious...

So why do they call it bratwurst? Shouldn't it be called bratbest?

Just been challenged to a water fight by next doors brat kids…

Popped on here while I waited for the kettle to boil.

My recipe for vodka-flavoured brats never caught on.

It was the Absolut wurst.

What do you call a brat without the bun?

The wurst

What did the German brat say to his father?

You're the wurst!

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There is a new teacher in a school, and she is sent to the worst class with the laziest and the most spoiled kids.

The new teacher starts introducing herself to the first-graders, asking some questions to them, hoping to get them to like her.

She decided to start the lesson in a fun way to get the children's attention. So she starts drawing some pictures on the whiteboard and asks the children what has s...

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A fourth-generation prostitute goes home to her great-grandmother's house for a family dinner...

She begins complaining to her family about work. "Geeze! Men these days complain about paying $50 for a blowjob! It's hard work! I *earn* that money!"

Mom, who was a hooker in the 1980s laughs. "Fifty bucks!? You're complaining about that? When I was on the streets, we were lucky to get $20!"...

Little Johnny was staying the vacation at grandpa's.

Little Johnny asked grandpa if he could get him something to drink? Grandpa went to the kitchen to get Johnny some lemonade.
Whe Grandpa got back from the kitchen little Johnny threw a bucket at grandpa's feet. Grandpa lost his temper and shouted "why the hell did you do that you little brat?!"...

What do you call an annoying german kid?

A BratWurst

My little nephew wanted to share a joke he was very proud of coming up with: Why did the hotdog get grounded?

It was being a brat!

My Kid left some uncooked sausage out of the freezer overnight...

When I discovered it, I realized I was dealing with a spoiled brat.

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Diffrence between potential and reality

An 8 years old son asks his dad:
"Whats
the difference between 'Potential ' and 'reality?'

Dad turns to wife: "Would you sleep with
Barack Obama for $1 million?"

Wife: "Of course, I will never waste that opportunity."

Dad turns to daughter: "Would you sleep with B...

Be wary of Oktoberfest

Brat farts are the wurst

What does a cannibal bring to a barbecue? (OC)

Brats!

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An old Hitler joke

Some time ago, a medium contacted Hitler's spirit by accident. Out of curiosity, he decided to listen to what Hitler had to say.

"Listen to my words, you little brat: I'm gonna reincarnate someday, and I'm gonna kill six million Jews and two dogs".

"Why the two dogs?" the medium replie...

A few Americans got sick after they couldn’t hold their liquor in Germany...

One said to the other “man, Oktoberfest really brat out the wurst in us!”

Thanks u/prisonmikeymay for the suggestion.

Jokes from the 90's seem popular here. How about one from the 80's?

Little Timmy had a severe stutter. However, his mother decided that this was no reason for him to not live a normal life, and so decided he should try taking the bus to school on his own.

"It's very simple," she assured her nervous boy. "When you board the bus tomorrow morning, tell the cond...

My autistic cousin came to visit

When I was young, my autistic 10 year old cousin would constatly visit us, and I hated him because he was a brat. However, since his parents were extremely protective and thought of him as a little prince, they wanted to make me give him my "Up" DVD, because he really likes it.

When they left...

Saw my cousin walking down the street

Her dog got its foot stuck in a drain. I asked her if she needed help dealing with it. She told me to flip off. What a ungrateful brat, I muttered while putting my gun in its holder.

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I work at a sub shop, right?

This kid at the till says to his dad "the cashier just called you an asshole daddy!"
I was absolutely astonished at the little brat for saying such a thing out of no where!!

I was twice as surprised at how sharp his hearing was though.

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Young Jimmy has a terrible gambling problem.

Jimmy's Dad goes to talk to his teacher before class one morning. "Ms. Thompson, my son Jimmy has a terrible gambling problem, he bets on everything, he'd even bet on what tomorrow's temperature would be." he says. Ms. Thompson replies "Yes I have noticed his gambling, and it disrputs the class and ...

Darth Vader built an entire Galactic Empire...

Wearing protective gear in sanitary environment.

But it was all destroyed by a whiny brat without a mask who refused to stay home with his aunt and uncle.

On a hot summer day, a woman has a hankering for a hotdog.

She walks to the nearest hotdog stand and gets in line. Looking up to the front of the queue, she sees an elderly gentleman ordering a bratwurst. He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it, and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.

Puzzled, the woman watches as the...

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How the Seven Dwarfs got their names..

Miss Snow White was a randy cow
And desperate for a fcuk,
So off she went into the woods
To try and get some luck.

She’d almost given up looking
When she saw some chimney smoke,
Then she stumbled on the cottage
And went on in for a poke.

Her clothes came off in second...

I don't understand kids

Mine has been bothering me for two weeks so I take him to watch that movie where toys talk, but then the little brat spent the two full hours crying when I finally took him to see Anabelle Comes Home.

The teacher, Miss Brown, goes to school in a mini-skirt

At some point, Little Matt whispers to his friend:

'I saw Miss Brown's thighs!'

Miss Brown hears the comment.

'You cheeky brat! Get out of here right now, I don't wanna see you for three days!'

A while later, Little Timmy whispers to his friend:

'I saw Miss Brown's...

You know one the main reasons Jeffrey Dahmer got caught was because his freezer stopped working and the smell became so bad the neighbors were complaining.

The cops came to his door and said "We heard you were keeping a bunch of spoiled brats in here"

Did you hear about the chain of German restaurants opening up this year?

They're going to be serving Sausages, Brats, Anne Franks.

A woman in a supermarket is following a grandfather and his badly behaved 3 year old grandson.

It's obvious to her that he has his hands full with the child screaming for sweets in the sweet aisle, biscuits in the biscuit aisle, and for fruit, cereal and pop in the other aisles. Meanwhile, granddad is working his way around, saying in a controlled voice,"Easy, William, we won't be long. Easy...

Have you ever watched a German sausage go bad?

It goes from brat to wurst.

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A kid receives an assignment from his teacher..

.. To write down 3 commonly used phrases, from around his house.

So the kid goes home and tries to ask his dad, who replies 'fuck off, i'm busy working!'.

So the kid writes that down.

Next, he goes to his younger brother, who is watching batman for the 20th time that day and sin...

My wife and I really should get a divorce, but we're staying together because of our kids

Neither of us want custody of those little brats...

I refused to eat oatmeal as a child.

I was an inporridgeable brat!

Why did the kids get in trouble for eating the sausages?

They were brats

The devil went down to Georgia looking for a soul to steal

He was walking along the country road when he saw a boy playing his fiddle on the side of the road.

The devil walks up to him and says, "Hey boy, you're pretty good with that fiddle, but I bet that I'm better than you."

The little boy says, "Alright, mister. What do you have in mind?"<...

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Two dogs are sitting next to each other in a veterinarian's office...

One of the dogs looks at the other. "So, what are you here for?"

&nbsp;

The other dog looks back. "Well, I guess I have nothing left to lose. I...Well, two days ago, I relieved myself in my master's shoes. When he punished me for it, I chewed his favorite bathrobe to shreds. And......

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Jew sits on a bus in Nazi Germany and reads a Nazi newspaper.

Someone sitting next to him asks "Why are you, a Jew, reading a Nazi newspaper?" The Jew answers "Look, I'm broke, I hate my job. my wife's a terror, and my children are brats. But I get to ride the bus half an hour every day and read the paper. What should I do? Read the Jewish papers, with stories...

My daughter lost her first tooth today!

That'll teach that little brat.

A Policeman, Heart Surgeon, Lawyer, Grandfather and his Grandson are flying in on a plane...

...They hear this load bang, and then some alarms go off.

"Uh...This is your captain speaking. We seem to have taken damage to our engines and the plane is going down. Please grab a parachute and exit the plane immediately. Because this is not a ship, I don't plan on going down with it"
<...

Common ground among the German people

What are the German people in agreement with when discussing over-entitled children and expired sausages?

That Spoiled Brats are the Wurst

The Moth

A moth went into a podiatrist's office, and the podiatrist said, "What seems to be the problem?"
The moth replied, "What's the problem?! Where do I even begin? For one thing, I'm breaking my back day in and day out, working long hours for next to no pay at a thankless job where my horrible...

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Me and my girlfriend got into a fight.

She said some things, I said some things.

She yelled some things, I yelled some things.

Eventually it got so heated that she went for the kill-shot. She said "you're an immature, spoiled brat." I said "alright that's it, have fun sleeping on the couch."

Later that night she come...

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