The 53+ Best Obsession Jokes

When my girlfriend said she was leaving because of my obsession with The Monkees, I thought she was joking.

And then I saw her face.

My wife threatened to leave me due to my obsession with 'The Monkees'. I didn't think she was serious.

And then I saw her face...

My wife is threatening to kick me out of the house because of my obsession with acting like a news anchor.

My girlfriend left me because of my “unhealthy obsession” with USSR memorabilia...

She said there were too many red flags!

I just realized my wife left me because of my obsession with simplifying fractions.

Oh well, hindsight is 1.

My wife says she’s leaving me because of my unhealthy obsession with poker.

I think she’s bluffing.

My wife said she was leaving me because of my obsession with food.

I wasn’t really listening, but she said something about not making enough thyme for her.

My wife said, "I can think of 14 reasons to leave you, plus your obsession with Tennis."

I replied, "That's 15 love."

My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta

I'm feeling cannelloni right now

My wife is leaving me because of my obsession with wearing a different t shirt every hour.

I said, “Wait, I can change.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife says she’s leaving me due to my obsession with porn,

I wish she would see it from my POV.

My wife said she's breaking up with me, because of my obsession with rhyming,

I nearly choked on my tea, what terrible timing!

My girlfriend just broke up with me due to my linkin park obsession.

...But in the end, it doesn't even matter.

My girlfriend is not talking to me because of my obsession with Björk.

Its oh so quiet.

My wife left me because of my obsession with golf

It’s ok

I figured our relationship was on the 18th hole

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Queen's breasts

The Queen's breasts

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.

One day Sid revealed hi...

My wife,Rose,is leaving me because of my obsession with pens

Biros

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my therapist about my obsession with the number 12.

But she dozen seem to care.

A man goes on a date

Friend: 'How did your date go?'

Man: 'I talked too much about my obsession with simplifying fractions'

Friend: 'That wasn't a very good idea'

Man: 'Yeah, well hindsight is 1'

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what do you call a grown woman with a Lego obsession?

Legolass. And beautiful if you still want to be married.

My girlfriend said my obsession with Only Fools And Horses was too much and asked me to go.

I said, I'll get the suitcase from the van...

As a child, I had a real obsession with Posh Spice

It cost my Mum a fortune in saffron

I finished with my ex girlfriend due to her obsession with counting.

I wonder what she's up to now.

People said I’d never get over my obsession with Phil Collins.

But take a look at me now.

My wife and daughter are leaving me because of my obsession with horse racing...

"And they're off!"

A girl is fed up with her boyfriend's unhealthy obsession with detective movies, and wants to break up with him.

"This is too much. We really should split up."

"Good idea, we can cover more ground that way."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend hated my obsession with Japanese food

Sushi left me.

The moon landing was staged

The moon landing was staged and it was shot by Stanley Kubrick, the reason it looks so real is because of Kubrick's obsession with filming on location.

My wife left me because of my obsession with crosswords. I guess you could say I'm...

1 \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_ \_

Across:

1 Severe and overwhelming shock or grief (10)

My obsession with Doris Day songs is ruining my social life.

I already lost my friends Kay, Sarah, Sarah.

One a scale of number one to number ten, my obsession with the Beatles is

number nine, number nine, number nine...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said I have an unhealthy obsession with revenge.

We'll see about that.

Those who have an obsession with meat and anagrams are tough to please.

They're really hard to assuage.

My friend has an unhealthy obsession with ocean life

I told her to sea kelp

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I recently quit masturbating because I found that it was an obsession in my life.

Currently, I haven't masturbated for thirty days sixteen minutes and forty seconds.

My wife left me because of my obsession with cowboys

But that's ok cos this town ain't big enough for the both of us.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A psychiatrist is conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their kids.

“You all have obsessions,” he observes.

“You,” he says to the first mother, “you're obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.”

He turns to the second mum, “Your obsession is money. It shows in your child's name, Penny”.

He goes to the third mother, “Your ob...

My Doctor finally managed to cure me of my obsession with the Muppets

He gave me an enema

followed by a Doo Doo do do do

I used to love tractors when I was a kid.

I had posters of them up on my walls, dozens of toy tractors I used to play with; I remember one year my parents surprised me for my birthday with a big cake in the shape of a tractor. They were an obsession.

As I grew older, I started to notice girls and put more thought into my studies, and...

My dad had this strange obsession with collecting bottles!

Would be one way to say he’s an alcoholic.

My obsession with carbon borders on Freudian.

I guess you could call it a carbon fixation.

My girlfriend wants me gone because of my obsession with cats.

Shes kicking meowt

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw my therapist today, and said "You are going to bring up my obsession with predicting the future, aren't you?" She said Yes.

I said "I knew it!!"

A middle aged bachelor has an obsession with tractors.

His entire house is decorated with them. He has tractor wallpaper, tractor memorabilia, many many model tractors, pictures of tractors, tractor bed sheets, even his car looks like a tractor (not a real tractor due to legal reasons).

As it is, his obsession with tractors had left him awkward, ...

My wife's obsession with 69ing is costing me a fortune

Really wish she wouldn't touch the thermostat.

My GF said she's leaving me because of my obsession with TV Dramas. But will she really leave me?...

Find out next week!

My life was ruined by my obsession with video games.

Fortunately, I had another two lives.

I used to have an obsession for sweet foods with a hole in the middle

I donut care for them anymore though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

what a set up, for a dad joke. it's worth it tho

full disclosure, this isn't my joke, was sent to me

I knew a bloke who was a massive fan of tractors his whole life.

When he was a kid, he didn't have toy cars or posters of lambos on his bedroom wall, he had toy tractors and trailers and posters of the latest John Deeres.

...

There was once a little boy

For his 2nd birthday he was given a little tractor with pedals. He loved it so much that it started an obsession with tractors.

By his fourth birthday, he already had 30 tractors of different sizes and colours.

As soon as he learnt how to read, he started filling his shelves in his bed...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There once was a man who loved tractors,

There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely adored them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor anime(which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was ...

Did you hear about the architect who had an unhealthy obsession with designing overly intricate shopping malls?

He had a complex complex complex.

My my wife said she was leaving me because of my wierd obsession with Marvel characters.

I said, please Yondu that.

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