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A history professor is lecturing his class on changing beauty standards. He shows his class a black-and-white picture of a woman who is 4'10" and has very small breasts.

"This woman won several beauty pageants in the 1930s," says the professor. "Do you think she'd do very well in a beauty pageant today?"

"Definitely not," says one of the students.

"What makes you say that?" implores the prof.

"Well," says the student, "she's very, very old today...

How do you get a one-armed beauty queen out of a tree?

Wave at her.

How do you call the beauty pageant for women with unborn children?

Miss Carriage

what was sleeping beauty's biggest fear ?

Bill Cosby

In the final stages of a beauty pageant, only 5 women and one man remains

In the final stages of a beauty pageant, only 5 women and one man remains. The judge says "The hot ones can stay, everyone else leave."


Sean Evans wins the pageant

Was recently hired as beauty product model...

I was the "before" model.

The beauty of Mount Rushmore before it was carved was. . .

Unpresidented

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National American beauty pageants should only have 49 participating states

Because no self-respecting woman should wear a sign saying Idaho

My sister-in-law accidentally won a beauty pageant for vampire hunters

She's the new Miss Stake.

The Pope is visiting Canada.

After completing his visit, the Canadian government gives him a chauffeur-driven car to see the natural beauty of Canada. After 20 kilometers through Canada, he says to the driver:

"Oh, let me get behind the wheel. I'm from the narrow Papal States, and I always have to sit in the back of the...

Why do the clothes in Beauty and the Beast look so old-fashioned?

Tailors old as time…

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Three guys are walking through the woods when they find a lamp. One of them picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a Genie. Delighted, the genie says "You have finally freed me after all these years, so I'll grant each one of you 3 wishes."

The first guy immediately shouts out "I want a billion pounds." *POOF*, he's holding a printout that shows his account balance is now in fact 1,000,000,003.50 The second man thinks for a bit, then says "I want to be the richest man alive." *POOF*, he's holding papers showing his net worth is now wel...

Rihanna’s beauty kit is selling well...

...imagine if she sold umbrellas.

Me: I should have married for brains instead of beauty.

Wife: I don’t get it

(True story)

The USA may still have a beauty pageant. The current projected winner?

Miss Information

A woman on her bike was riding through the countryside during the middle ages, playing her guitar and singing songs....

...when she came upon a dashing knight in the woods, practicing his swordsmanship. The knight was struck by her beauty and started a conversation. which quickly turned into flirting.

The knight straddled the front wheel of her bike and started to passionately kiss her. The woman said "No we ...

With the beauty shop finally open after many weeks, there is a huge crowd of people all jostling for position to get in...

They really need a hair traffic controller.

I heard beauty pageant contestants use Vaseline to make it easier to smile.

I ate the whole jar and I’m still not happy.

Whats Bill Cosby's favorite Disney character?

Sleeping beauty

Why did Sleeping Beauty go to jail?

She was under a rest

Just after the US Civil War, a handsome and proper Texan Colonel, a beautiful young debutante, and a foppish city boy from the east found themselves travelling by train through the heartland of Texas.

As they rode in silence, the Texan couldn't help but notice the city boy kept staring at the young woman. He scowled his disapproval each time he caught the boy's eye, but the boy kept staring at the woman.

Finally, the city boy screwed up his courage, placed his hand on the debutante's knee,...

Beautiful Russian Girl

My friend Dave just met this tall beautiful Russian girl and now they are getting married. We all knew her from college except for Dave. She looks like one of those models from a beauty pageant.

To give you an idea of her beauty, On a scale from 1 to 10 , she got a 12 inches surpise for him.

There's a Miss Philadelphia contest, there's a Miss Pennsylvania contest, a Miss America contest and even a Miss Universe contest....

I wonder why the town of Big Beaver, Pennsylvania has never had a beauty contest?

Recently, a beauty company added rice as an ingredient for their beauty masks.

The reason being is that when the mask is done, it’s easier to Pilaf.

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Three handsome male dogs are walking down the street when they see a beautiful, enticing, female Poodle.

The three male dogs fall all over themselves in an effort to be the one to reach her first, but end up arriving in front of her at the same time.


The males are speechless before her beauty, slobbering on themselves and hoping for just a glance from her in return.


Aware of h...

A blonde, redhead and brunette die and God appears before them

Mesmerized by their beauty (yes, he didn't create them ffs) he gives them a challenge. "For each step you take on the staircase to heaven, I will tell a dark joke. If you laugh, then you will fall straight to hell. Otherwise, despite all your sins, I will let you enter the gates of heaven".

A...

Why did the orange go to the beauty salon?

Because it needed a peeling.

Did you hear Gaston from Beauty and the Beast won a major award?

He won the No Belle Prize.

All shops including beauty salons have been shut down!

....those that roams the streets now look even more deadlier than corona!

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