A mom was cleaning her son’s bedroom when she found a load of serious bondage gear & fetish mags.

She asked her husband: “What do we do?” Husband said: “I’m no expert, but I wouldn’t spank him!"

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The wife said she's leaving because of my sexual fetishes

I said fine! Don't forget to slam the door on my cock on the way out

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A man invites some of his fetish club over for breakfast....

They are catching up on life and swapping stories about work, their grandkids’ birthdays, their recent stock market fortunes, and so on, when the subject of what they’re most proud of comes up.


Gerald, a 35 year old dentist, proudly exclaims, “Of everyone here, I by far, have the larges...

Did you hear about the lawyer who was prosecuted for having a loophole fetish?

He got off on a technicality.

I was once accused of having a Foot fetish…

…but that’s a lie. I much prefer the Metric system.

My girlfriend left me because of what she described as my "weird pasta fetish"

Now I'm feeling cannalonli

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(NSFW) I have a sexual fetish for intellectual breakthroughs

I struggled for a while, but then I came to a realization

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There was a guy whose sexual fetish was being harshly sentenced in court, so he committed a crime and was arrested and went to court.

The Judge let him go with no charges, said he's not getting off that easy.

What do you call an Alabamian With a Gluten Fetish?

In Bread.

What do you call a klansman with a foot fetish?

Black toes intolerant

What is the difference between choking fetish and necrophilia ?

About 15 seconds

I have developed a fetish for figuring things out

I just came to that realization.

Never take a guy with a foot fetish on a plane...

My buddy damn near jumped out of the plane when the captain said we were flying over 30000 feet!

What’s the difference between a fetish and a hobby?

***Depends where you stick the ship in a bottle after you finish painting it…***

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My ex-girlfriend had this weird fetish

She liked to dress up like herself and act like a raging bitch all the time

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I have to tell my girlfriend I am not into her fetishes.

But first, I gotta get some shit off my chest.

I once knew a girl with a fetish for synnesthesia.

Eventually, she came to her senses.

I knew a Guy who had a Fetish for Studio Audiences

He Came with a Laugh Tack.

I have been inventing a new fetish, however...

I still haven't worked out the **Kinks**!

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What do people with a chastity cage fetish do when they're horny?

How do they get it off?

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I finally finished that book about clock fetishes

It's about fucking time.

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The Romans had an unusual sexual fetish for Jesus

One time, they even nailed him on a cross.

My friend confessed to me saying that he was starting to develop a bestiality fetish...

Not wanting to kink shame him I ask “How did you get into it?”

“Well I did some research on the internet and ended up going down a rabbit hole”

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My wife and I were going on holiday

And we were discussing our secret sexual fetishes. She said she always wanted to be handcuffed. So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase.

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My friend confessed his fetish for putting his dick in coconut

He's fucking nuts

So, you have a pee fetish?

Well urine luck!

Should I do something about my fetish for infrastructure?

Or should I just cross that bridge when I come to it?

Did you hear about the guy with an inheritance fetish?

He just wanted to come into some money.

What’s is a ruler’s favorite fetish

Foot

I have recently discovered that I have a foot fetish, but I'm not sure where to start.

I just want to get off on the right foot.

What do non-Americans call someone with a foot fetish?

A meter maniac..

I think I have a fetish for the last paragraph of an essay. How do I know?

I just came to that conclusion.

My girlfriend has such a neck fetish,

she barely cares about me she just likes my neck. She's a necromancer.

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They finally released the porn film about men with a clock fetish

It's about fucking time

I've got a foot fetish, but they have to have all ten toes...

I'm lack-toes intolerant.

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Did you hear about the horny dyslexic with a uniform fetish?

He bought popcorn.

I'm weirdly turned on by songs with guest performers...

I might have a feat. fetish

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I remember when porn genres were tame, none of that freak nasty stuff like furries, ugly bastards, vore, and other weird fetishes.

Seriously, what is the world cumming to?

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I told my wife I had a cuck fetish. She said "ok tomorrow night lets do it". That night I get home, go upstairs and shes in the bedroom having sex with another man!

I was so upset i dropped my rolling pin and spatula

I’m worried I’m developing a fetish for architecture

but I’ll cross that bridge when I come on it.

What do you call a nympho mechanic with a choking fetish?

A Vice Grip

What's a Chickens favourite fetish?

BUK BUK BUKKAK-EE!!

It’s strange disliking Chinese food while having an Asian Fetish

I’d like to eat out Chinese but I hate eating out Chinese

Recently, while traveling, I came upon a fork in the road.

Then a nearby cop arrested me. I should've known better than to satisfy my silverware fetish in public.

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I with I had a butt fetish.

That would really help with the self-esteem when I make an ass of myself.

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I spent my adolescence watching porn on dial up.

Now I have a fetish for buffering.

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TIFU by trying to punish my son after finding bondage gear, fetish masks, and milf porn in his room

I really shoulda thought twice before spanking him

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A man goes home with a woman he met at the bar.

When they get back to her place, she says, "I didn't want to tell you before, but I've got a fetish. I'd love it if you fucked me with your big toe."

The man, an agreeable sort, goes ahead and does it. Has a pretty good time. But a few days later, he notices his toe is red and inflamed, then...

All of my European friends tell me I have a foot fetish.

I tell them, I’ll never understand the metric system.

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I met up with this girl the other night that also has a foot fetish...

I met up with this girl the other night that also has a foot fetish. When she got to my place, she asked if we could just masturbate to some foot porn together instead of having sex. It wasn't what I had in mind, but I agreed anyway. At the end of it, both of us felt pretty disgusted by the whole th...

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I think the US government developed a pregnancy fetish when they saw my paycheck

They really do fuck me hard when I've been in labor more than 40 hours in a week.

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Me and my friend have an amputee foot fetish.

I know, it's gross, but we can only cum on prosthetic legs. Anyway, our last three-way with an amputee, we both prematurely came on her real toes! I had to politely ask the girl, "Can we start over? I feel like we got off on the wrong foot."

I've just discovered that I have a logic fetish.

I can't stop coming to conclusions.

How do you get someone with a foot fetish to go on a date with you?

You put your best foot forward!

I don’t understand why ear biting is a fetish

Almost everyone eats corn

What do you call when a person with a foot fetish gets to smash on the first date?

*getting* *off* *on* *the* *right* *foot*

What do my hentai-driven auto-erotic asphyxiation fetish and an artichoke have in common?

One's an art I choke to. The other's an artichoke, too.

I created a fetish exercise program, but I don’t know how to end it.

We are still working out the kinks.

It is said that most Americans have feet fetish

And most Europeans prefer Meters

I have a fetish for doing algebra

I’ve come to terms with that

Help, I'm a Democrat who has a very specific fetish of looking at foreign dictators resting on top of crackers and I'm looking for people into the same as me...

So if you're Blue and you don't know what to search for why don't you look were Fascists sits... Putin on the Ritz

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the doctor gave me a prescription for my weird fetish

It was really helpful since i like putting my penis in empty bottles.

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Did you hear about the guy with a scat fetish but pretended it was funny?

He was all for shits and no giggles.

I have a Blair Witch fetish....

I want my buddy to stand in the corner and not watch.

Happy Halloween!

Did you hear about the convention...

Did you hear about the spanking fetish convention here last weekend?

Apparently a big hit and everyone came.

What do people with foot fetishes and recovery vehicle drivers have in common?

Tow (toe) jobs

What do people who raise the dead have in common with people who have throat fetishes?

They’re both neck romancers.

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I finally have to face the truth: I have a fetish for religious iconography.

I guess this is my cum to Jesus moment.

I recently found out my mom has a disturbing fetish. She has slept with several underage teenagers and I am really concerned about their well being.

The victims contacted me while playing CoD.

Apparently I have a foot fetish. Feet make me so excited, but I'm always ashamed. I really want to deny it, but after a year of lying to myself...

I accept defeat

I hope Donald Trump has a foot fetish.

He has to get used to the taste of defeet.

I think my girlfriend has a blind fetish.

Last night she said we should stop seeing each other.

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I tried again to tell my therapist about my sadism, necrophilia and bestiality fetishes. . .

but she says I'm just beating a dead horse.

I know a guy who has a fetish for insect repellents.

He likes to get OFF.

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How do you know it’s an astrologer with a fetish on Pornhub?

She’s the one searching for “Sun in Uranus”

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A tractor joke

There once was a man who loved tractors, I mean he absolutely LOVED them. He had tractor models, tractor wallpaper, remote control miniature tractors, tractor board games, even some tractor porn(which is not easy to find mind you). The only thing that even came close to his love for tractors, was th...

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My girlfriend left me because she has a foot fetish.

My dick is only 11 inches.

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I've tried watching Japanese fetish porn.

That's anything where the girl isn't wearing a school uniform

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Did you hear about the guy with a fruit fetish?

He's fucking bananas.

I have a dyslexia fetish

It makes my spine stiff

Your fetishes are nothing to be ashamed about.

Unless your fetish is being humiliated, then you should be very ashamed, you nasty little pervert.

After repeatedly denying it, I eventually accepted that I have a fetish for using fancy words and phrases to describe things.

I've finally come to terms with it.

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My girlfriend has been secretly recording me for years and now she’s blackmailing me into doing all these gross fetishes of hers

I just wish I had realized earlier because now she has a lot of shit on me

What do you call a guy with a plant fetish?

A Weed Whacker.

I thought my girlfriend was joking when she said she had an abduction fetish.

But she demands to be taken, seriously!

Why do people with foot fetishes never win?

Because they like the taste of defeat

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A man goes to see a psychologist about his fetishes

The psychologist asks “so what is your problem?”

The man replies “well doctor, I’m into flagellation, beastiality, and necrophilia.”

“I’m sorry, I can’t help you,” says the doctor, “you’re flogging a dead horse.”

My girlfriend has a tickle fetish, so I decided to practice on my coworkers

Unfortunately I was fired when my test-tickles were exposed to upper management.

My friend has a foot fetish and his crush asked him out last night

She told him to meet her on Sunday but he already had plans with me and some friends

He decided to come with us and told us”you know I wouldn’t ditch you, bros before toes!”

yes I have a vore fetish,

if you’ve got a problem with that you can eat me

Soul Searching

Lately I've been soul searching; discovered I have a foot fetish.

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I moved into a neighborhood down near a movie theater once

It was pretty nice. Everyone was friendly and it wasn’t even that expensive. I thought I could probably live there for a little while untill I got a knock on the door from a neighbor shortly after I moved in.

He heard that I was new, and wanted to let me know something about my next door neig...

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I accidentally clicked an ad for one of those fetish porn sites...

It was fucking shit!

My neighbour has a fetish for holidays

I thought he was just jealous when he asked "Can I come in your suitcase?"

A friend of mine confessed his fetish for Flying type pokemon

It was really hard to swellow.

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What's a mathematician girl's sex fetish?

Cream π.

Why does the U.S have to be so goddamn special with their foot fetishes

Why can't they just have metre fetishes like everywhere else.

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What is Japanese ghosts' favorite sex fetish?

Bookakke

First time posting here

Wanna know what the saddest thing on earth is?




An orphan with an incest fetish

What's a British spy's secret fetish?

Bondage, James Bondage

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I have a trash can fetish

My wet dreams are fucking garbage

If a guy has a foot fetish and then cheats on his wife...

...does that mean that he got off on the wrong foot?

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