This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man obsessed with trains finally steals one and immediately crashes it, killing several people...

At the trial, the man is found guilty of multiple murders and sentenced to death.

Before he faces his sentence, he's offered a last meal, and asks for a single banana, which is given to him. The next day, he's led to the electric chair. They strap him in, pull the switch, and... nothing hap...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wish Frasier would have a show about a copy editor in 1942 Germany that's blind, bilingual, narcoleptic, and obsessed with weights and measures.

He'd be a Grammar Grammer gram-er Nazi not-see nod si.

I don't know why girls are obsessed with vampires

They suck.

I have a friend who was obsessed with the moon.

Lunar cycles, werewolf lore, eclipse dates, he knew all about them and then some. The really strange part was he focused solely on the moon in this way, no other part of space.

Made him easy to shop for though. Werewolf movies, moon pies, he'd love them just for being tangentially connected t...

A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish... A man is obsessed with reeling in a big fish, so much so that he eventually buys a huge, synthetic sturgeon and hangs it on the wall above his fireplace.

Eventually, however, looking at the fake trophy makes the man feel like a fraud, and he can't stand it.

One day, he makes a final attempt at fishing up something impressive. Finally, after hours of waiting, he reels in a record-breaking chub, one that weighs more than any other in recorded hi...

Why are vampires so obsessed with necks?

Because they were raised by a neck romancer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Found out why Americans are obsessed with breasts!

All their cooking recipes are in cup sizes

My friend is an obsessed acarologist.

I'm so tired of his unsolicited tick pics.

I think my girlfriend is obsessed with scooby doo.

She keeps telling me we should split up and search for other people.

My cousin is obsessed with football (soccer). So when I entered his room...

When I entered his room and saw that it was covered in posters of a famous Argentinian player, I thought to myself...

That’s a Messi room.

My girlfriend is weirdly obsessed with the Soviet Union.

And for me, that's a major red flag.

Geometry teachers are oddly obsessed with communism

they are always talking about marks and angles

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Once upon a time there lived a beautiful Queen with large breasts.

Sid, the Dragon Slayer, obsessed over the Queen for this reason. He knew that the penalty for his desire would be death, should he try to touch them, but he had to try.


One day Sid revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Nathan


the Erudite lawyer, the King's chief adviser....

Why are people from Central Asia so obsessed with Eminem?

Because Afghan is stan.

I know a guy who was obsessed with summing numbers

It was an addition

I’m currently obsessed with the Moon

Although I think it’s just a phase

My wife screamed at me, "You're obsessed with those Star Wars movies. I'm leaving you."

"May divorce be with you!!" I replied.

I think my ex-girlfriend is still obsessed with me

I've just found a photo of us in the bin outside her house.

My partner just split up with me because she thinks I’m obsessed with football.

I’m a bit gutted about it – we’d been going out for three seasons.

My buddy who is obsessed with himself bought a speaker just to listen to his own memoirs.

It really speaks volumes about him as a person.

My wife left me because she says I’m too obsessed with football.

Oh well, we had 5 good seasons together.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy was obsessed with the Brigitte Bardot...

The French actress was a sex symbol in the 50s and 60s and was often referred to, just by her initials – B.B.

His wife thought he would indulge her husband’s obsession and decided to get a tattoo of the initials “B B”, with one letter on each of her butt cheeks. When she got home that night,...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on.

They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them
say the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come
together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I knew a guy who was obsessed with guano

He was bat shit crazy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A therapy support group session.

A psychiatrist was conducting a therapy support group session with four young mothers and their small children. "You all have obsessions," he stated.

To the first mother he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy.

"He turned to the second mother and s...

Today I tore up my nun outfit after being obsessed with wearing it for a year.

I'm so glad I finally broke that habit

A friend of mine is a cowboy and is obsessed with miniature dachshunds

He's always saying "Get a long, little doggy"

A young boy was obsessed with farming machinery

A young boy was obsessed with farming machinery, he built models, he drew them, and spent all his free time going to his local farm just for a look at a combine harvester or a hay baler.

As he aged, his interest in mechanised agriculture slowly disappeared, and by the time he was married with...

I studied the cantaloupe joke

I’ve done it! I studied the origin of the cantaloupe joke. Then I then fact checked it into the night, and oh my God, it works on every level! I now present to you, the cantaloupe joke, and why it works.

Why must a melon get married in a church and nowhere else?


Because, due to i...

Two guys become best friends in high school, bonding over their similar tastes in music.

After a while, one guy notices that whenever his friend is in a relationship, all he listens to is Liz Phair songs. And whenever he’s single, he goes back to his normal genres.

After high school, the two enlist together. During their first tour, the guy notices his friend is once again seemi...

I'm obsessed with watching cornstalks being pollinated by the wind

I obviously have a cornography addiction

Why was the killer obsessed with dairy?

He/she was a Cereal Killer

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Weight loss center

Fat guy walks into a radical new weight loss center, that guarantees results.

Receptionist: How many pounds do you want to lose today?
Guy: Today?! Yeah, right, let's say 2.
Receptionist: 1st floor please, room 12, you have 3 hours.

He walks in a large empty room, sees a beauti...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My wife says I'm obsessed with alliteration.

She seriously says some stupid shit sometimes.

I had to see a psychiatrist recently after becoming obsessed with a specific shade of purple

Apparently I’m Plum Crazy

I dated a girl who was obsessed with carpentry. I told her "You have to make a choice: Me or your equipment."

She chose the ladder.

As a child I was obsessed with the difference between cosine and sine

As I got older I realized it was just a phase

The last week or two I've been really obsessed with mixing things.

The last week of two I've been really obsessed with mixing things. I've been mixing anything and everything I can find, from pasta and sauce to the garbage in the trash can and the clothes in my drawer.


The weirdest thing is that when I start mixing something I have a hard time stopping! ...

Why is everyone obsessed with that new horror movie?

Like, i was driving today and this is the third time someone has rolled down their window and yelled to me: Hey! Watch It!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in a bar starts talking to a prostitute.

He says, “How much for a hand job?” She says it’s $250. He says, “$250 for a lousy hand job? That’s crazy!“

She says, “Honey, follow me," and takes him outside. “See that Ferrari? I bought that Ferrari just with money from hand jobs. I give the best in the world.”

So he figures he’ll t...

My ex girlfriend was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.

I wonder what she’s up to now.

Did you know the DragonX team is obsessed with cleanliness?

They even scrubbed today's mission! (Too soon?)

I’m worried I’ve become very obsessed with Wonder Woman, Black Widow and Captain Marvel lately.

I think I might be a heroine addict.

Why are Americans so obsessed with Apple Products?

Because they can't afford health insurance in the US

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist just told me that I am too obsessed with Vengeance.

We will see about that, you have my word


I told him as our session ended.

My niece Sarah is obsessed with Frozen

My wife just said to me, "Sarah is a grown woman now. It's time for her to... let it go."

True story from 5 minutes ago. I laughed. Wanted to share it.

In college I became obsessed with the concept of a doppelgänger

I began a quest to find mine. After a year and half of tracking down leads, I uncovered his phone number. I immediately called him but the line was busy.

A Man Is Obsessed With Tractors

A man named John is obsessed with tractors. So obsessed that he has posters of tractors on his wall, tractor toys and even tractor bedsheets.

One day, John meets a woman and they start dating. But the woman is tired of all the tractor related items in Johns home.

Girl: John I really ...

Why is America obsessed with money?

It was founded on checks and balances.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My art teacher says that i am obsessed with The Rolling Stones and told me to stop painting their logo in her class.

So i Paint It Black

My friend is obsessed with naval destroyers.

He warships them.

There was a Chinese man who was obsessed with spoonerisms

He loved drinking chai tea and doing tai chi.

My wife and kids are going to leave me accusing me of being obsessed with horse racing

And they’re offfffff

My friend is obsessed with taking blurry pictures of himself while taking a shower.

He has serious selfie steam issues.

My girlfriend broke up with me because I'm obsessed with Linkin park

But in the end it doesn't even matter

Whys was the internet so obsessed with the song "Cotton-Eyed Joe" for a short period of time?

I mean, where did it come from where did it go?

My Star Wars obsessed son wouldn't stop asking for a car.

So I bought him a toy Yoda.

If my wife thinks I'm obsessed with programming, she's crazy.

Endif

My SO is kicking me out the house because apparently I’m obsessed with rap.

She told me 2pac my bags and leave.

I'm obsessed with my F1 key.

I think I need help.

I knew a scientist who was obsessed with figuring out to clone a person. One day he figured it out. He was so excited.

He was beside himself.

My wife wants to break up with me because I would be too obsessed with horses.

I thought we'd have a stable relationship, but neigh...

I'm obsessed with bad jokes about arenas said in a German accent.

You'll understand venue experience them.

My religious girlfriend is obsessed with cats.

She's a Catholic catholic.

What does a person obsessed with IKEA suffer from?

Stock-home Syndrome

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are Japanese people so obsessed with healthy diets?

It's because they never want to see another Fat Man in their lives.

My wife says she’s leaving me because she thinks I’m too obsessed with astronomy.

What planet is she on?!

Dave and his Bob-Ross-Obsessed friend were playing chess.

Dave made a move, and immediately regretted it.

Dave went "whelp, that was a mistake."

His friend immediately shot back "It wasn't a mistake, just a happy accident."


Dave's brother in the next room over heard and replied, "Stop talking about me!"




(My best ...

The new Director of Public Transportation is obsessed with "green" fuels.

He's made all the buses run on thyme.

There was a child who was absolutely obsessed with tractors

He had tractor wallpaper, model tractors, pictures of tractors.. everything was about tractors for him.

However, as he grew older his love for tractors faded.

He went to university, married a girl and they had kids.

One day he came home and his house was on fire and his family w...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.