A woman walks into a library and asks where books about paranoia are.

The librarian says "They're right behind you!"

To all the people out there suffering from paranoia, keep strong and just remember

you're not alone.

I asked the librarian if she had any books on paranoia

she leaned in close and whispered ‘they’re behind you’

I just called the paranoia hotline.

A guy answered, “How did you get this number?!”

I've recently developed a paranoia for German sausages.

I feel the wurst is yet to come.

For everyone out there who suffers from paranoia and delusions

You’re NOT alone. There’s someone watching you.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said that I have paranoia

But I don’t believe her that’s real
^or ^anything ^for ^that ^matter

I've been diagnosed with paranoia today.

If you ask me, this is only supposed to give me a false sense of security.

My wife just left me because of my anxiety and paranoia.

Nevermind, she just returned from the shops.

Paranoia is a man’s best friend

You really shouldn’t trust him though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia.

Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.

Psychiatrist to neurotic patient "You have acute paranoia"

Neurotic Patient "I came here to be treated, not admired"

I met a really nice girl at Paranoia Club today.

I said, "See you next week, if you're alive."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just been diagnosed with paranoia and constipation.

I'm scared shitless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Welcome to the Mental Health Helpline. Please listen carefully to the following options:

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent, please get someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personality disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you have Tourette's Syndrome, please say "CUNT!" after the tone.
* If you have sch...

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

I think my paranoia is getting worse.

But that's just what they want me to think.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to see a doctor.

I said, "My girlfriend says I'm suffering from severe paranoia."


"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

I said, "Stop having sex with her."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lizard is walking through the forest...

and he comes up to a large tree along the path. He looks up in the tree and sees Koala sitting on a branch smoking a joint.

"Heyoo Koala, do you mind if I climb up and try some?" Lizard asks.

"Not at all Lizard, my dude, come on up!" Koala wheezed while exhaling a ripe puff.

Liz...

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