I just wanna say to all people suffering from Paranoia

You are not alone

A woman walks up to a librarian and asks them where the books on paranoia are

They reply: “they’re right behind you”

My doctor told me that I suffer from paranoia.

I think someone paid him to say it.

A buddy of mine suffers from dyslexia, paranoia and he's agnostic.

He's scared all the time wondering is there is a Dog

My Doctor has just diagnosed me with paranoia.

He didn't actually say it.

But I know what he was thinking.

I've recently developed a paranoia for German sausages.

I feel the wurst is yet to come.

For everyone out there who suffers from paranoia and delusions

You’re NOT alone. There’s someone watching you.

My wife just left me because of my anxiety and paranoia.

Nevermind, she just returned from the shops.

Paranoia has reached absurd stages...

I sneezed in front of my laptop and the anti-virus started a scan on its own

I just called the paranoia hotline.

A guy answered, “How did you get this number?!”

I've been diagnosed with paranoia today.

If you ask me, this is only supposed to give me a false sense of security.

Paranoia is a man’s best friend

You really shouldn’t trust him though

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My therapist said that I have paranoia

But I don’t believe her that’s real
^or ^anything ^for ^that ^matter

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor just told me I was suffering from paranoia.

Well he didn't actually say that, but I could tell it was what the bastard was thinking.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've just been diagnosed with paranoia and constipation.

I'm scared shitless.

"My psychiatrist told me I have Paranoia"

"You don't have a psychiatrist"

"I know, but if I had one he'd tell me"

What is the opposite of paranoia?

Thinking you are following someone.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Welcome to the Mental Health Helpline. Please listen carefully to the following options:

* If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
* If you are co-dependent, please get someone to press 2 for you.
* If you have multiple personality disorder, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
* If you have Tourette's Syndrome, please say "CUNT!" after the tone.
* If you have sch...

I met a really nice girl at Paranoia Club today.

I said, "See you next week, if you're alive."

Psychiatrist to neurotic patient "You have acute paranoia"

Neurotic Patient "I came here to be treated, not admired"

April and June were dating...

The couple had been together many years, and, as far as one could tell from the outside were very happy together. But June had always felt as though there was something between them, something holding them back- something that April was keeping a secret.

As time went by, June got the impressi...

I think my paranoia is getting worse.

But that's just what they want me to think.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I went to see a doctor.

I said, "My girlfriend says I'm suffering from severe paranoia."


"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

I said, "Stop having sex with her."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Lizard is walking through the forest...

and he comes up to a large tree along the path. He looks up in the tree and sees Koala sitting on a branch smoking a joint.

"Heyoo Koala, do you mind if I climb up and try some?" Lizard asks.

"Not at all Lizard, my dude, come on up!" Koala wheezed while exhaling a ripe puff.

Liz...

There once was an apprentice blacksmith...

There once was an apprentice blacksmith, so proud of his work that he would engrave a name onto every item he made, along with his personal seal. It was crucial to him that everyone, for all time, knew each of his products was made by his hand. From his Battle Ax of Unparalleled Sharpness to his Fry...

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