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Pessimistic Jokes

Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in...

It’s currently half empty...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Optimist and the Pessimist.

Once, a family had two young boys. One was an eternal optimist, finding good in everything, even terrible things. The other was a pessimist who could find no joy in the world at all.

The parents, despairing of their boys ever leading healthy, fruitful lives, sought out a psychologist for he...

A pessimistic hiker gets to the peak of Mt. Everest

He says to his friend, "It's all downhill from here"

What do pessimistic Borg say?

Existence is futile!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do pessimistic Jews go to worship?

A cynicgogue

What do you call a pessimistic gazelle?

A cantaloupe.

As a perpetually pessimistic person, I finally have something to be positive about!

It was a COVID test.





(Note: My actual test came back negative.)

Pessimist

Friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his Pessimistic friend out of his way of continual Pessimistic way of thinking.


The Optimist owned a huntin' dog that could...

Why are horses so pessimistic?

Because they're Naysayers

My doctor said I was pessimistic.

Once, there was a shark who bit-off the left side of my body; he let out a small chuckle and said,


"I'm very sorry for this, but I think you are all right."


I replied, "Seriously, doc? I have nothing left."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a pessimistic German say to his wife before sex?

“Prepare for the wurst.”

Horses are very pessimistic

In fact they're the worst neigh-sayers I know

There's really no sense in being pessimistic...

It's not going to work, anyway.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend is quite pessimistic about our sex life,

but I'm a vagina half full kind of guy.

What did the vein say to the pessimistic blood clot?

Ay, be positive.

I just got told I was the Worlds Most Pessimistic Person

I doubt I'll manage to win that title.

My wife is so pessimistic! I remembered the stoller, the car seat, AND the diaperbag.

But all she talked about was that I forgot the baby.

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican doing math?

Negative Juan.

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