What do pessimistic Borg say?

Existence is futile!

As a perpetually pessimistic person, I finally have something to be positive about!

It was a COVID test.

(Note: My actual test came back negative.)

What do you call a pessimistic gazelle?

A cantaloupe.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Where do pessimistic Jews go to worship?

A cynicgogue

Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in...

It’s currently half empty...

What do you call a pessimistic horse impersonator?

A nay-sayer.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What does a pessimistic German say to his wife before sex?

“Prepare for the wurst.”

I'm not pessimistic

I'm actually very optimistic that everything in my life will go wrong.

What does a prudent Ukrainean learn?

It depends.

An optimistic Ukrainian learns English.

A pessimistic one learns Russian.

A realistic one learns how to shoot a rifle.


It's an old Romanian joke, from the '90s, it suddenly became relevant for our neighbours.

My wife is so pessimistic! I remembered the stoller, the car seat, AND the diaperbag.

But all she talked about was that I forgot the baby.

My doctor said I was pessimistic.

Once, there was a shark who bit-off the left side of my body; he let out a small chuckle and said,

"I'm very sorry for this, but I think you are all right."

I replied, "Seriously, doc? I have nothing left."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My girlfriend is quite pessimistic about our sex life,

but I'm a vagina half full kind of guy.

Why are horses so pessimistic?

Because they're Naysayers

What did the vein say to the pessimistic blood clot?

Ay, be positive.


Friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his Pessimistic friend out of his way of continual Pessimistic way of thinking.

The Optimist owned a huntin' dog that could...

I just got told I was the Worlds Most Pessimistic Person

I doubt I'll manage to win that title.

What did the pessimistic and candid mine owner, say to his workers.

Wow! This really blew up. Thanks for the gold.

There's really no sense in being pessimistic...

It's not going to work, anyway.

Sometimes I'm so pessimistic, I feel like a German vegetarian

I'm always fearing the wurst

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a pessimistic optimist I believe that the glass is half full

of shit!

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican doing math?

Negative Juan.

I went to see the doctor.

"I think I'm going to be obese forever," I sighed.

He said, "You shouldn't be so pessimistic."

"I've tried everything!" I told him.

He said, "Yes, that's your problem."

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