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Where do pessimistic Jews go to worship?

A cynicgogue

Instead of a swear jar, I have a negativity jar. Every time I have pessimistic thoughts, I put a dollar in...

It’s currently half empty...

What do you call a pessimistic horse impersonator?

A nay-sayer.

Which fruit is the most pessimistic?

The cantaloupe

I'm not pessimistic

I'm actually very optimistic that everything in my life will go wrong.

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What does a pessimistic German say to his wife before sex?

“Prepare for the wurst.”

My wife is so pessimistic! I remembered the stoller, the car seat, AND the diaperbag.

But all she talked about was that I forgot the baby.

My doctor said I was pessimistic.

Once, there was a shark who bit-off the left side of my body; he let out a small chuckle and said,

"I'm very sorry for this, but I think you are all right."

I replied, "Seriously, doc? I have nothing left."


Friends, one an Optimist and the other a Pessimist could never quite agree on any topic of discussion. One day the Optimist decided he had found a good way to pull his Pessimistic friend out of his way of continual Pessimistic way of thinking.

The Optimist owned a huntin' dog that could...

Why are horses so pessimistic?

Because they're Naysayers

What did the vein say to the pessimistic blood clot?

Ay, be positive.

I just got told I was the Worlds Most Pessimistic Person

I doubt I'll manage to win that title.

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My girlfriend is quite pessimistic about our sex life,

but I'm a vagina half full kind of guy.

What did the pessimistic and candid mine owner, say to his workers.

Wow! This really blew up. Thanks for the gold.

What do you call a pessimistic Mexican doing math?

Negative Juan.

Horses are very pessimistic

In fact they're the worst neigh-sayers I know

There's really no sense in being pessimistic...

It's not going to work, anyway.

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As a pessimistic optimist I believe that the glass is half full

of shit!

Are electrons pessimistic or optimistic?

Obviously pessimistic, they are always negative!

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