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Last Name Jokes

A guy with an unfortunate last name...(long format)

Joins the army. His last name has the odd distinction of having two z's at the start of it and since everything in the military is done alphabetically hes always the last guy in line.

One day their sergeant gets the entire company together for training:

"Alright! We're gonna have you a...

God’s last name

Isn’t “damnit”

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Because Nintendo's beloved character is Japanese, Mario is his LAST name. His first name?

Itsume.

Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name?

It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.

Did you know Yoda had a last name?

Layheehoo.

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In the past, your last name often reflected your profession. Tailors - taylor, Blacksmith - Smith, ect.

So what the heck was a Dickinson?

I've heard the Canadian Prime-Minister has a French last name.

Is this Trudeau?

I met an Asian girl today with the last name of "China"

It was her made-in name

What is Yoda’s last name?

Lay Hee Hoo

This whole time yoda has never revealed his last name. but I just found out

Layheehoo

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It's cool that last names tell us about old family professions

Like the Smith family were blacksmiths


and the Bowman family were archers


and the Dickinson family... well they were in jail

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In class we learned that last names were determined by what your ancestors did

So I always made sure I kept my distance from my teacher Mr Dickinson

Disney finally released Yoda's last name. His full name is:

Yoda Lay-Heehoo

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If people whose last name is Mason came from stone workers and people with the last name Taylor came from tailors...

then I don't want to know what the Dickinson family used to do.

Last Name Only !

The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office.



“What’s your name?” he asked the new guy.



“John,” the new guy replied.



The manager scowled, “Look... I don’t know what kind of a namby-pamby place you work...

Why did Joe King change his last name to Hill

Under his original name, no one could take him seriously.



Think about it.

Why does the FCC Chairman have the last name "Pai"?

Because he is irrational...

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Back in the day last name said something about your profession...

The Smiths would hammer away creating armor and weapons as blacksmiths. The Fishers would navigate the seas in search as fishermen. And The Dickinsons, well no one really knew what they did.

I asked my mom why she didnt hyphenate her last name.

Dad said she lost her hyphen when she got married.

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Some last names originate from what the family did in the past...

Makes you wonder about the Dickinsons...

Have you ever noticed that all airline Captains have the same last name?

Every public address they make beings with: “Welcome, this is your Captain Speaking...”

If our last names came from the jobs of our ancestors...

Then I feel really bad for the boys of the "Dickinson" family tree.

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I’m changing my last name to Constipated...

I just don’t give a shit any more.

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one. Michael J. Fox has a small one. Madonna doesn’t have one. The Pope has one but never uses. Donald Trump has one and uses it. What is it?

A surname/last name

A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?

Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.

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The founding fathers were having a discussion about the originations of their last names

"I wonder if someone in my family ran a laundry business" mused George Washington, "that may be the reason"

"I suppose mine is more boring, at some point there must have been a Jeffer son", said Thomas Jefferson.

"I don't like this game", said John Hancock

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Not many people know this, but Mario from Super Mario is actually Japanese, and "Mario" is his last name

His first name is Isumi.

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What was the Virgin Mary's last name?

Christmas.


(Have a good one, reddit!)

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What is Yoda's last name?

"Lay Hee Whooo!"

Guys, I'm so sorry for posting this but my wife turned to me and asked this in all seriousness, then laughed her ass off when she told me the punchline. She's super proud of her terrible joke, and no I don't think Yoda is a Swiss mountain climber, I'm actually just really hap...

My family's last name is 'Expectation'

The entire family is currently in the hospital because of my stepdad, he started with me and said that for once in his life he'd beat all expectations

What last name does the Irish Watchmaker have?

O'clock

"You have a weird last name!"

....is what she said to him. He replied,

"Well, it's pretty common in my family"

if a woman is a grandma and her last name is Smith

does that make her a Granny Smith?

What was Popeye's last name?

Pimento, because he comes in an Olive.

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If someone has the Last Name "Smith" then that means that one of their ancestors was likely a Blacksmith.

Which kinda puts John Dickinson in an awkward position.

Is your last name Ghandi?

Because you're Mah Hot Ma

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"My last name is Smith, because my dad was a blacksmith." "My last name is Fisher, because my dad was a fisherman."

"My last name is Dickinson, and I dont like this game"

I should change my last name to Bull.

But I'm not going to as it would make this a Terry Bull joke!

What’s long and hard that a Polish bride gets on her wedding night ?

A new last name.

Can someone please tell me Voldemorts last name

My friends talk in riddles

I wish my last name was Wong

Because when I get married and have a kid I can name them Right to say that 2 Wongs do make a Right

A woman goes into a restaurant with 15 kids.

The kids start goofing around while she's talking to the waitress. The mom gets impatient and yells, "Eddy! Stop that! Or else!" All 15 boys suddenly sit down, obedient and quiet.

The waitress asks, **"Did you really name all 15 of your boys Eddy?"**

"Yup," says the woman. "Makes it ea...

When can a man and a woman have the same last name?

Teenagers: brother and sister

Adults: husband and wife

Alabama: yes

Security question: What was the last name of your first grade teacher?

My first grade teacher hacking my bank account: I'm in

I met a girl named Terese on Tinder. She was so guarded she wouldn’t even tell me her last name.

She’s just Miss Terese to me.

Here's a last name you don't hear much anymore

Flintstone

A sergeant major is inspecting his troops one morning when he sees a new soldier he doesn't recognize

"Hey, you! Soldier! Get over here! What's your name?"

"John."

"John?! What the hell kind of army do you think this is? John! I never call my soldiers by their first names. It breeds familiarity and leads to a breakdown in discipline. I only ever call my soldiers by their last names: Sm...

We should treat David like his last name

And Leavitt alone.

What did Han Solo’s last name change too after he married Leia?

Han Duet.

Besides their last name, what does Wiz Khalifa and the Burj Khalifa have in common?

They're the highest things on this planet.

My Vietnamese friends just got married. They have the same common last name, so neither of them needed to change anything.

You could say it's a Nguyen-Nguyen situation.

I changed my last name to 'Batman' the day before my wedding

My Father-in-Law didn't enjoy the wedding of Dan and Anna BATMAN.

Just an innocent question

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a long one, Brad Pitt's is short, Madonna does not have one, and the Pope doesn't use it.

What is it?

>!A last name.!<

We were discussing last names when my friend David Meth said..

Every girl I’ve slept with has done Meth.

Can you imagine referring to philosophers by their first initial and last name?

Because I Kant.

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If some last names were an ancestor's profession (Baker, Cobbler)

How do you explain Dickinson?

I met a man with the last name Popcorn. He said he was in the military...

He was a kernel.

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Ever notice how strippers' last names are always things they can't afford?

Like Katie Diamond, or Sugar Health-Insurance

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Onomastics is the study of last names, and the connection to their thing. Like how Smith's used to be makers, or Gardners used to care for plants and vegetables, or Yorks come from the town of Yorke....

I don't think I want to know what the backstory is for the Dickensons...

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Back in 1920's...

...Mrs. Goldstein decided to leave NY for a vacation in Miami Beach. She decided to make a reservation at the Fountainebleu hotel (which at the time, infamously would not rent rooms to Jews or other minorities)

She got to the front desk and signs her name in the ledger. The clerk looks at her...

I am married to a Korean wife and she told me I get to name our son's English name

We live in Korea and gave our son my wife's last name 모 (pronounced 'mo').

I got to choose his English name so I said we should call him Lester.

So when I go around and introduce my child I could say

"This is our child 모 Lester"

“What’s your name?" asked a policeman when he stopped me.



"Bartholomew." I said.



"And your last name?" he continued.



"It's always been Bartholomew." I said.

I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"

My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.

It took him a couple of...

History teaches us that people developed their last names in ancient times for doing what they were known for in a village.

If, for example, your last name is "Smith" then chances are your family line had some artisan blacksmiths to boot.

I wonder what the last name "Dickinson" meant for people back in those days?

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Did you know the prefix Fitz in a name meant "son of"?

So when Patrick had a son, the last name would be Fitzpatrick, and Gerald's son was Fitzgerald, etc.

They had to stop though when Dickinson had a son.

A mother takes her three son’s to enroll in school. The teacher asks.

A mother takes her three son’s to enroll in school. The teacher asks.

Teacher: What are your son’s names?

Lady: This boy’s name is Leroy, this other boy’s name is Leroy, and Leroy here is my third son’s name.

Teacher: Isn’t it confusing having all three boy’s named the same?
...

A cop stops a Harley for travelling faster than the posted speed limit, so he asks the biker his name

'Fred,' he replies.
'Fred what?' the officer asks.
'Just Fred,' the man responds.
The officer is in a good mood and thinks he might just give the biker a
break and, write him out a warning instead of a ticket. The officer then
presses him for the last name.
The man tells him that h...

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