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First Name Jokes

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Because Nintendo's beloved character is Japanese, Mario is his LAST name. His first name?

Itsume.

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My new girlfriend has the same first name as my sister.

Which is quite odd, because now, when we have sex, I think about my girlfriend :(

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My girlfriend has the same first name as my sister...

... So whenever we have sex and she screams: "Say my name", I always feel bad because it reminds me of my girlfriend.

Why does Hillary Clinton have two Ls in her first name?

1 for 2008, 1 for 2016

Could you imagine if Steve Jobs first name was blow

His current business model would suck.

A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?

Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.

Mr. Bean's first name

Fun Fact : Mr. Bean's first name is Mr. As seen on his passport in the movie.

My new girlfriend shares her first name with that of my sister.

When we're doing the deed and I'm on the final cusp of climaxing, I instinctively start moaning and shouting my partner's name.

In my current relationship this is actually very offputting, because while screaming my partner's name I'm reminded of my girlfriend.

God's First Name

This guy dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter is standing at the gate. He says, "If you can answer these three questions I will let you in to heaven. First, how many seconds are in a year? Second, how many days of the week have a 'T' in them? Third, what is God's first name? You ha...

A study by the Bureau of Consumer Protection has determined that the most common first name on consumer complaints is actually "Sharon."

My kindergarten teacher was right. Sharon is Karen.

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Hey sexy, is your first name Cigarette?

Because I really want to get you lit and stick your butt in my mouth.

Ever hear of that NBA player named Druff? Think his first name is Dan...

They say he’s Head & Shoulders above the competition!

What was Alzheimer's first name?

You don't remember? That's how it begins.

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I was helping a customer fill out some paperwork and he told me he didn't know his first name.

He said his whole life people just called him by his last name, "Johnson." He thought hard for a moment, then suddenly perked up. "Oh! You know what, I think it might be 'Fuckoff," he said. I raised an eyebrow at him. "Fuckoff?" He nodded. "Yeah, back in school I would approach the other kids and sa...

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What’s Your Name, Sailor?

The crusty Navy Master Chief noticed a new face and barked at him,

\-“Get over here! What’s your name, sailor?”

\- “John,” the new seaman replied.

\- “Look, I don’t know what kind of bleeding-heart pansy crap they’re teaching sailors in boot camp these days, but I don’t call a...

A sergeant major is inspecting his troops one morning when he sees a new soldier he doesn't recognize

"Hey, you! Soldier! Get over here! What's your name?"

"John."

"John?! What the hell kind of army do you think this is? John! I never call my soldiers by their first names. It breeds familiarity and leads to a breakdown in discipline. I only ever call my soldiers by their last names: Sm...

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Christians have the first name Christian, Muslims Mohammed, Jews Isaac, what boys name do atheist have?

Godfrey

What’s the best first name for a news anchor that breaks a lot of big stories?

This: Justin.

Recent studies have shown that first names have a significant impact on pregnancy rates.

For example someone called Mary is much more likely to get pregnant than someone called Tom.

We are mystified that people are so angry about Djokovic being an anti-vaxer.

His first name is No Vac

Now that's a Djok

Mr. Peterson walks into Cheers, and gets his usual greeting, which is everyone in the bar loudly shouting his first name.

It was funny the first few times, but after that, it became the norm.

There once was a boy named George Gunderson who did not do very well in school. His classmates ridiculed him every day, as did his teacher, Mrs. Jones. George couldn't stand it, and always came home crying to his parents.

One day, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson decided to come to the school early to give Mrs. Jones a piece of her mind. The second the door opened to let the kids outside, Mr. and Mrs. Gunderson peeked inside to hear Mrs. Jones screaming at George. "George Gunderson, you are the dumbest kid in the world!"
...

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The definition of Rodeo Sex - When you accidentally call your partner by the wrong first name.....

Then try and stay on for 8 seconds.

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