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Morbidly Jokes

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A morbidly obese guy goes into a public restroom to do his business

As he is standing there, a rather rude guy occupies the next urinal. The second guy looks over at the fist and in an extremely uncouth manner exclaims, "Holy shit!!! You are huge !!! How much do you weigh?"

The first guys says, "around 375."

Second guys says, "Damn, that's a lot!! When...

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I am morbidly a beast

Or what ever the fuck my doctor said.

What do you call a morbidly obese vegetarian?

Megafauna.

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A morbidly obese man

visits his doctor.

“Doc,” he says, “I can’t stand being this fat anymore. Please help.”

“Alright, let’s get to work”, replies the doctor. After many months of diet and exercise, the man winds up loosing hundreds of pounds. An unfortunate side effect though is that he has all this loos...

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work...

We were able to lift his coffin.

How much did the morbidly obese Chinese woman weigh?

Wonton.

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese.

As if she doesn't have enough on her plate.

So I have a morbidly obese friend, but he identifies as skinny.

He’s trans slender

Heres something morbidly ironic

My grandmother was a cancer, and she was actually killed by a giant crab

I was devastated that my tag team wrestling partner turned out to be morbidly obese...

I say this with a heavy Hart.

Did you hear about that morbidly obese couple that just started dating?

They have a tonne in common.

The lives of morbidly obese people are like hourglasses

If they don’t get turned upside down soon enough, they will be done.

They classified a guy I work with morbidly obese which seems a little harsh...

I mean, he has enough on his plate already.

Doctor: ""If you gain 5 more pounds, medically, you'll be morbidly obese."

"Do you understand what this means?"

Woman: "Yes, I'm not morbidly obese now."

I'm not a necrophile...

I'm just morbidly curious.

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Paddy was morbidly obese so he went to see the doctor…

The doctor says, "OK, Paddy, I want you to eat normally for a day, then skip a day, then eat normally for a day, then skip a day. Stick to this regime for a fortnight and you will lose weight, so come back and see me then."

A fortnight later, Paddy returns to the doctor, who is amazed to see...

What do you call a morbidly obese person who can predict the future?

A four-chin teller.

When you're morbidly obese, you get shut down by lots of people. But the worst is when it comes from parents...

MOTHER NATURE AND FATHER TIME.

What do you call 2 fat goths?

Morbidly obese.


I know I shouldnt joke about obese people they've got enough on their plate.

Why didn't the pc gamer cross the street ?

Because he's morbidly obese

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A man steps into a brothel (nsfw)

He approaches the head mistress and says what can I get for $5? The head mistress takes him to a room with a morbidly obese woman. He doesn't enjoy it but it got the job done.

Next week he goes back and tells the mistress he only has $4 this time so she takes him to a room with a chicken in...

Life is like a box of chocolates,

it doesn't last long if you're morbidly obese.

Saw an over weight goth today,

I thought to myself, he's morbidly obese.

What is the medical term for a fat cow?

Morbidly o-beef

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Obese kid

An elderly man was out for a leisurely walk in the park one day, when he came upon a morbidly obese kid sitting on a park bench.

The kid was steadily shoveling candy in his mouth and washing it down with soda. There was a huge pile of candy wrappers on the ground around him.

The old ...

A Corpulent Woman visits the Doctor

Woman: Hey Doc, everytime I walk up the stairs my back hurts and my heart beats like crazy.

Doc: I imagined something like that right when you walked in here. You're morbidly obese.

Woman: That's outrageous. I want a second opinion!

Doc: Alrigt, you're also pretty ugly.

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In a crime scene....

"So, Rookie, What do you make of all this?"

"Well, the vic was found naked in bed, severely beaten to death. Sounds like a clear cut murder case if you ask me"

"close. Our prime suspect is his wife, a morbidly obese woman who says he asked to be on the bottom during sex"

"So it ...

In High School they used to call me Big Tim, but it wasn't because of my height, Ladies ;)....

.....its because I was Morbidly Obese.

I really want my own reality show on TLC.

Did I mention that I am a morbidly obese little person with 18 children and I just escaped from Scientology!

What do you call a cow...

with only two legs?

Lean Beef.

What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground Beef.

What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?

Decalfinated.

What do you call a morbidly obese cow?

Yo Momma.

A new test was conducted to study how fat Americans are getting; the test results are as follows:

60% are deemed overweight

30% are deemed morbidly obese

10% ate the test

I was at a McDonalds

where I saw a morbidly obese girl making fun of a clearly handicapped boy. Being the guy I was, I scolded her for it.

Me: why are you making fun of him? Any one of us could've been like that. God gave him that handicap, you shouldn't make fun of him.

Girl: yeah but God gave me a mouth ...

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You really oughtta diet...

A morbidly obese man decided it was time to lose some weight, so he joined a health spa...

He gets to the spa and starts out on the treadmill, jogs around the gym a couple times, swims a couple laps in the pool, sweats for a half hour or so in the sauna, and finishes off with a shower.
...

A man finds himself in a hotel lobby. The lady at the front desk is giving him big "F me" eyes.

Now, sure, he's seen prettier women in his lifetime. But she's a solid seven, and looking at him in such a sultry fashion that his knees nonetheless knock together nervously.

"You can have me, right here, right now, or you can carry on to success," she whispers, tracing her finger slowly down...

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A man dies and goes to hell..

The devil is waiting for him.

"I'm not sure what to do with you." says the Devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. As you have to stay here definitely, I'm going to have to let someone else go."

"I have got 3 folks here who weren't as bad as you were. I will let 1 of th...

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The Ladder to success

A man is walking down the street and he comes across a ladder that reaches all the way up to the clouds. On the ladder there is a note that only says "Ladder To Success". He stares at it in bewilderment but decides to give it a shot. After climbing for hours he finally reaches the clouds. A morbidly...

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