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Ghastly Jokes

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Theres these two onions.

Male onion female onion, rolling along then *pop* bang into each other. Instant rapport, a torrential affair begins they couldnt get enough of each other. Pretty soon an onion bonding is occurred not long after that they think to tie the knot, get together, make it legal.

Their union was ble...

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Door # 1, 2 or 3

He went to Hell and expected to be greeted by Satan himself, when an apprentice approached him, saying, "Welcome to Hell =] !!" When he asked about seeing the boss, was told in due time but now he would have to choose one of three doors/rooms where within to spend eternity...

He asked if he c...

The Life of a Bug Spray Salesman

A salesman was traveling through the countryside, selling insect repellent. He came to a farmhouse and tried his pitch on the farmer. *"Sir, my bug spray is so good you will never be bitten again, I guarantee it."*

The farmer was dubious. *"Young man, I'll make you a proposition. I'll tie you...

Which was the best Donald Trump joke that you heard?

For me



Donald Trump, Barack Obama, and Bill Clinton die and go to hell.

They are lined up in front of three doors. The first is opened to reveal a swarm of wasps and mosquitoes. Satan's voice booms "Mr. Obama you have sinned, and now you must spend all of eternity with these v...

A fisherman and his wife had two children: a boy and a girl.

They were deciding what to name the children, when the fisherman noticed that every time they stood on the balcony, the boy looked towards the ocean and the girl looked away from the ocean. So the boy was named Towards and the girl was named Away.

Years later, the fisherman decided to take To...

A friend went for Thai massage in Bangkok recently.

A friend went for Thai massage in Bangkok recently. He requested for two masseurs, one for him and another for his wife.

After massaging the man for a long time, the Thai massuer said, "Massage pinis". He kept ghastly quiet pretending not to have heard it.

Again, the massuer repeated h...

3 Women goto Heaven where they’re addressed by St Peter

He says “we have 1 major rule here in heaven, there are a lot of Turkeys up here. Do not step on the Turkeys there will be consequences “

Accepting this rule the women nod their heads and go on into heaven. About 5 days later the first of the 3 women step on a Turkey. She is immediately calle...

An Italian man travels to the Caribbean

An Italian man saved up his money and after many years he finally had enough money to attain his lifelong dream, traveling to the tropics of Central America. He explored many different towns and beaches as he traveled around the beautiful land. But in one place he found a beach that was disgusting a...

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The Illness

A man returned from a business trip to Dubai feeling nauseous and looking ghastly. He rushed to the ER and was immediately put through some medical tests.


After a few days of experiencing excruciating pain throughout his body, the doctor walks into the room holding his medical report.
...

Ghoul in the Pub (Credit to Paul Sloane & Des MacHale)

Bill, a tourist in Devon, spends the day sightseeing, then decides to finish the day at a pub in a nearby village. He gets absorbed in the rustic atmosphere, but in the midst of drinking a Guinness, he notices what appears to be a ghoul drinking from a small green bottle, across the room. This perso...

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A woman was at the bar of a Mexican restaurant one night...

...when she saw a much younger man enter with some of his friends.

She went over to strike up a conversation with him. Though she was pushing 40, she was very attractive, and she could tell this barely 21-year-old man was into her. So she suggested that they go back to her place. The young...

Bill Gates dies in a car accident, He finds himself in purgatory, being sized up by St. Peter. "Well, Bill, I'm really confused on this call;

I'm not sure whether to send you to Heaven or
Hell. After all, you enormously helped society by
putting a computer in almost every home in
America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows
'95. I'm going to do something I've never done
before in your case; I'm going to let you decide...

Bob's Nails.

Bob made metal nails for all need and uses. For woodworking or construction, his nails where the best and he wanted to make a TV commercial to promote them.

So he went to a studio to get his commercial made. There he gave an idea of how he wanted his commercial "I want it to be epic and persu...

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