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Middle Eastern Jokes

What do you call a newborn of middle eastern descent?

An arababian

A racist man called me a terrorist for having long hair, a long beard, and being Middle Eastern.

Later I saw him at church giving a speech about how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.

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Two Middle Eastern men move to the United States.

After receiving dirty looks, and rude comments day after day, they soon figure out that they needed to "Americanize" themselves in order to fit in. Both men part ways on their journey to become Americans. The men do not see each other for five years, until one day they happen to bump into each other...

What do a Middle Eastern transportation center and a mythological English kingdom have in common?

They're both camel-lots

How much does it cost a small middle eastern country to host the World Cup?

A Qatar of a trillion

Whats the difference between american women and middle eastern women?

American women get stoned before they commit adultery..

Did you hear about the Middle Eastern fight?

Some call it fake, but I think the fight Israel.

I had some bad middle eastern food yesterday

I just felafel afterwards.

What happens when you eat too much Middle Eastern food?

You feelafel

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A frustrated middle eastern man is walking along the beach... (NSFW)

When suddenly he stubs his toe on something in the sand. He reaches down under the sand and discovers a golden lamp. He picks it up and excitedly brushes it off when suddenly a enormous genie appears.

"I am the Genie of the Lamp and I shall grant you one wish, if it is within my power."
...

I want to open a restaurant that fuses Chinese and Middle Eastern cuisine

I call it "Wok like an Egyptian".

Corrupt Warden Stuffed At Middle Eastern Restaurant

Awful lawful all full off falafel.

What is a middle easterner's favorite instrument?

Qatar

What do middle eastern people smoke?

An Abu Doobie

A guy from some middle eastern village moves to Germany.

He gets off the plane and hails a taxi, an old Mercedes Taxi cab pulls up to pick him up and they set off.

Middle eastern guy is really impressed with the car, having never seen a Mercedes before, and he asks about the hood ornament, what is it for?

The taxi driver realizing this guy ...

What do you call a group of Middle Eastern mice ?

United Arab Emi-rats

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Two middle eastern brothers move to the US...

they each make a bet over which will be more Americanized in a years time. At the end of the year the first brother says to the other "Today I'm going to see my son play in a baseball game and after we're going to McDonalds for dinner". The second looks at him and says "Fuck off towel head".

One of the most famous middle eastern jokes.

Two guys were taking walking in a jungle and they spotted a monkey on the top of the tree.

Guy1: what's your dad doing on top of the tree?

Guy2: he's waiting for your mom

Apparently my attempt at recreating authentic Middle Eastern recipes gave everyone food poisoning...

I falafel.

My middle eastern friend was held at gunpoint.

He told me he was able to get out of the situation,

I asked him, “How?”

He said

“Iran”

Why are middle eastern news stations so entertaining?

There’s always something new blowing up.

For some reason I'm only afraid of Middle Eastern spiders...

It's O.K. though. My doctor says it's normal to be Iraqnaphobic.

Match the middle eastern country to its sworn enemy...

- Bahrain
- Lebanon
- Qatar
- United Arab Emirates
- Egypt
- Syria
- Jordan
- Iran
- Iraq
- Saudi Arabia
- Algeria
- Morocco
- Yemen
- Oman
- Kuwait

1. Israel

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator...

This Heat is Like a Middle Eastern Dictator. It's oppressive, you can't get away from it, and I'm pretty sure we can blame the U.S. for it.

Most Middle Eastern Nations don't like the Flintstones..

But ABU DHAIBI DOO!

Jokes are sort of like Middle Eastern policies.

Some are decent, but it's really the execution that counts.

My car wouldn't start so I called my favorite middle eastern company to help me

Camel Tow

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What do you call someone who is attracted to Middle Easterns?

A Hummusexual.

What do middle eastern people say when they feel hungover?

I falafel.

What do you call a middle eastern Elvis Presley impersonator?

Amal Shookup

A middle eastern restaurant owner bought a new waffle iron.

He wasn't sure how to use it, so he chopped up some chickpeas, rolled them in flour and pressed them between the grates.

The mayor of the town stopped by that day, excited to try the new dish.

But when he took his first bite, the mayor declared it was so bad he would ban it from being ...

When I'm craving middle eastern food, there's this place I always go to. It's delicious, affordable, and best of all...

Israeli quick.

I recently switched to an all Middle Eastern diet and can't say I recommend it

I falafel.

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What do you call a female middle eastern stripper?

Sheikha Bouti

What do you call a male middle eastern stripper?

Sheikh Madiq

I'm planning to open a Norwegian/Middle Eastern fast-food restaurant.

It's called The Valhallah Snakbar.

What is it called when you're afraid of middle eastern spider species?

Iraqnophobia

Have you ever taken a class on Middle Eastern history?

Israeli hard.

What’s the difference between a Middle Eastern preschool and an ISIS training camp?

I have no idea, I just fly the drone

What do you call a law-abiding Middle Eastern waffle shop that caters to police officers, but tastes horrible?

Awful, awful lawful "Lawful Waffles & Falafels"

Whats the difference between Indians and Middle Eastern people?

Indians are responsible for 7/11 not 9/11

I traded my blowup doll in for a middle eastern version..

It blows itself up..

Why do you never want to call a middle eastern man with a turban a Muslim?

Because they are Sikh and tired of it!

Did you know that all pieces of reflective glass are middle eastern?

It's Amir.

I saw a very odd Middle Eastern market the other day.

It was quite bazaar.

A middle eastern king was down on his money and began to sell off his valuables

The last of these was the Star of the Euphrates, at that time the most valuable diamond in existence. He went to a pawnbroker who offered him 100,000 rials for it. 

"Are you crazy?", said the king. "I paid one million rials for this gem! Don't you know who I am?"

The pawnbroker replied...

What do you call a table of Middle Eastern hor d'oeuvres?

Allahu Snackbar

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A rich middle eastern oil tycoon sends his son to study in Germany...

His son is feeling nervous about being alone abroad. So, his father allows him to take one of the golden plated Ferraris to Germany in order to boost his confidence. It is shipped over and the father hears nothing for the first few weeks from his son. Then, he recieves an email:

"Father,
<...

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I’m writing a masters thesis on the social hierarchies of Ancient Middle Eastern Kingdoms. It’s a pretty serious paper so I want to lend it some levity by adding a joke about eunuchs.

I’m just not sure if I’ve got the balls to do it.

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Sex with ghosts

A professor at Wayne State University in Detroit was giving a lecture on Paranormal Studies. To get a feel for his audience, he asks, "How many people here believe in ghosts?"

About 90 students raise their hands.

"Well, that's a good start. Out of those who believe in ghosts, do an...

What did the Middle Eastern dictator say after he had lunch?

I ate too many chickpeas, now I falafel.

They're having a real problem with unlicensed food vendors in Seattle.

There's one case where a middle eastern food truck was using organ meat instead of chickpeas!

Yeah, the unlawful falafel was awful offal.

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An arab was wrongfully taken into custody at the airport..

After feeling humiliated by the incident he decided to hire a lawyer to sue the TSA

The lawyer tells him “I’m sorry this happened to you. Ever since 9/11, your people have been forced to live in fear. This needs to stop! Now tell me exactly what happened?”

The arab goes on to explain h...

Why did M. Night Shyamalan get sent to Guantanamo Bay?

Because he's a Middle Eastern guy who has made a lot of bombs.

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Im so smart for thinking of this

One guy says to another: Hey, did you know, there's a Middle Eastern country on the Mediterranean Sea, and it’s regarded by Jews, Christians and Muslims as the biblical Holy Land!


The other guy says: I don't believe you, you're talking rubbish.


So the first guy says: No, it isr...

My mom was telling my little brother about the food she ordered....

she said it had a middle eastern flavor to it. I then said said “He doesn’t even know what that means!” To which he replied, “Yes I do, it just means there’s a bomb in it.”

I was feeling depressed...

So I called one of those self\-help lines. I thought it was strange when a guy with a Middle Eastern accent answered, and thought that perhaps I dialed the wrong number. Anyway, I proceeded and told him I'm feeling suicidal. He said, "Can you drive a truck?"

A young woman learned that you can smoke in the rain if you make a hole in a condom and put it over the cigarette.

She goes to a convenience store and asks a middle eastern clerk for a condom. The guy looks at her with obvious disapproval, but does his job. He asks her what kind she wants and she answers,


I don't really care, as long as it fits the camel

The genie of the lamp

A hipster goes to an antique market where he spots a cool looking brass lamp. It's only $20, so he buys and takes it home.
He spots a black mark on the side so he gets out the brass polish and rubs it to remove the mark. There's a flash and this giant Middle Eastern dude appeares in his lounge. "...

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