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Mats Jokes

I started a business selling landmines as prayer mats.

The prophets are through the roof!

I opened a company selling land mines that look like prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

A husband calls the Sheriff's office to report his wife missing.

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sheriff: Height?

Husband: I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sheriff: Weight?

Husband: Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sheriff: Color of eyes?

Husband: Sort ...

Have you seen those door mats which say 192.168.0.0?

That's home.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband goes to a police station, says ‘My wife is missing!’

Husband goes to a police station...
“My wife is missing! She went out yesterday and has not come home...”

Sergeant at Police Station:
“What is her height?”

Husband:
“Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall

Sergeant:
“Weight?”

Husband:
“Don't know. N...

A friend of mine makes prayer mats with hidden explosives

I asked how his business is doing, he said: "Great! Prophets are through the roof!"

I'm starting a career by putting bombs in prayer mats

I think prophets will go through the roof

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy is walking by a gym, when he notices a sign out front that reads "Lose 5 Pounds in 10 Minutes Guaranteed!"

Curious, he enters the gym. He asks about the sign and the clerk tells him it's legit, but it costs $100. The clerk also tells him that if he doesn't lose 5 pounds, he gets his money back.

The guy shrugs and lays $100 on the counter. He is led to a large, empty room covered in floor mats. ...

I'm thinking of making a series of non-gloss self portrait dinner placemats

I'll name it My Multitude of Matte Mats of Matt by Matt

In scool, I only would had lerned 4 things

Mats, speling, grammer.

Why do mathematicians dislike cloth rugs?

They prefer fur mats.

I walked into a store today...

...and they were selling explosives disguised as prayer mats. I wasn't one to judge them; after all, they'd said prophets were going through the roof.

Invest Now!

Quick! Invest now! Theres a company in England that is now manufacturing landmines that look like prayre mats! The main factorty is in the middle east, where prophets are going through the roof!

Once upon a time

...there was a Chieftain who presided over a community that lived in the steppe, where everything was grassland as far as the eye could see, and almost no trees grew. Because of its rarity, wood was prized, and this Chieftain happened to own a large, ornate chair made of wood that was his most price...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man joins a monastery...

A man joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he's allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. “Cold floors,” he says. They nod and send him away, bringing him warm mats and rugs to pray and lie on. Seven more year...

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