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Mars Bar Jokes

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A man walked into his doctor's office...

...complaining that he thinks he might have a tapeworm. The doctor made a physical examination and listened to the symptoms, and concurred with the self-diagnosis.

"I want you to come back tomorrow to start treatment. And bring an apple, and an orange and a Mars Bar" said the doctor.

D...

Did you hear about the man with a stutter who went to the shop for a mars bar?

He came back with 50 packs of m and m's

Chocolate, icecream, cookies, mars bars, doritos, popcorn, milky ways, kit kats and lays!

i wrote this joke to reach a wider audience.

What is Elons Musk favorite snack?

Mars bars.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Spy

The only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon "quickie" with their 8 -year old
son in the flat, was to send him out on the balcony with a Mars Bar and tell him to report on
all the street activities.

Their 8-year old began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation;
<...

Where do Martians drink beer?

At a Mars Bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

These trick or treaters seem to get older every year, just had two at the door now asking for money.

Costumes were good though, they were dressed as bailiffs.



I gave them a Mars bar each and told them to fuck off.

People have been assuming I'm smart when they see my glasses case

but it's not until they see I store a mars bar in it they realise my true genius .

The Gym..

I went to the gym and there's a new machine. I used it for an hour and ended up feeling sick.

Its good though, it does everything.

Kit Kats, Mars Bars, Snickers ...

What do you call wifi in space?

Mars Bars

Elon Musk takes out a loan

The year is 2020.


Elon musk walks into a bank in London and asks for the loan officer. He says says he is going to space on a business trip for two weeks and needs to borrow £5,000.

The loans officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so Elon Musk ...

New machine at the gym.

They installed a new machine at my gym today, I managed to do 2 hours on it.

They do all sorts. Snickers, Kit-kats, Mars bars, you name it...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Four astronauts...

Four astronauts have just begun a very long space journey, they were told to each bring a treat. The first astronaut asks the group "Hey guys, what did you bring? I have a bunch of MARS bars!" The second guys smiles and says "Cool, I brought Starbrusts!" he then asks the third guy "How about you, wh...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A newly anointed priest is given his first posting.

Father Ben a newly anointed priest is given his first posting of his career. He’s fairly young and very nervous, but seeing his distress, Father Todd the elderly priest he’s replacing was very thoughtful and had prepared some cheat sheets so everything would transition smoothly. Hidden behind the al...

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