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Marriages Jokes

44% of Marriages end in divorce.

That means 56% of marriages are fatal.
I love statistics.

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50% of marriages end in divorce

100% of marriages end with you getting fucked in some capacity.

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The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage

She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns.



I look at therapist and said, "Divorce is strong with this one!"



The quarantine has ruined many marriages but mine is still going strong.

Just the other day I woke up to my beautiful and loving wife holding a pillow tightly over my face to protect me from the coronavirus.

Hollywood marriages

TV interviewer: You were married four times: to a banker, to an actor, to a minister, and to an undertaker. Can you tell me why?

Legendary actress: Well, it was One for the money, Two for the show, Three to get ready, and Four to go!



(I'll see myself out, no need to push...)

How are marriages like tornadoes?

They begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, but in the end you lose your house.

My last best man's speech was like the marriage

Short, occasionally funny, and ultimately ruined by the bridesmaid.

These long quarantines have been so difficult for many marriages.

Luckily for me I have an amazing wife. Just last night I woke up to her firmly pressing a pillow against my face to protect me from Covid-19.

Why did Bill Gates' and Jeff Bezos’ marriages both end in divorce?

Because they realized they were in a union.

Why are Unhappy Marriages like the Police

They crush the life out of you.

Humans aren't the only ones who struggle with marriage.

Married Seals always struggle. Their marriages are always on the rocks.

What is the leading cause of divorce in long term marriages?

A stalemate.

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I'm in favour of same sex marriages.

Because I've been having the same sex with the wife for over 30 years.

Why didn't Luke Skywalker's marriages ever last?

He wanted to follow Obi-Wan's advice: "Use divorce, Luke"

Trump says he believes in traditional marriages

He has had 3 of them so far

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