According to Catholicism, what is the longest name a woman can have?

Gloria, with 17 syllables.

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Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community...

If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.

The Jewish people met and picked an aged and wise Rabbi to represent them in the debate.

However, as the Rabbi spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Hebrew, they agreed that it would be a 'si...

Why don’t religious people like rap music?

All rappers do is hop in the booth and confess to a bunch of crimes they’ve committed.

That’s Catholicism.

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In Catholicism, you can only have sex with your partner when you are married. So if priests are married to God, they can have sex with God.

And sometimes they cheat on God with altar boys.

Did you hear about the non-denominational Christian who converted to Catholicism because of his Catholic wife?

He didn’t believe in sects before marriage.

Catholicism has 1.2 billion followers around the globe, second only to Islam with 1.8 billion

But that's okay because the Catholic church doesn't mind coming in a little behind.

A Protestant missionary is in India trying to convert Hindus to Christianity

He teaches a Hindu man about Christianity and gives him a Bible.

He comes back a week later and sees a picture of the pope among all the other gods at the man's house.

"Why do you have a picture of the pope there?"

"Isn't he the reincarnation of Jesus?"

The missionary tol...

In Roman Catholicism who invented Cheese?

Cheesus
(I'm really high so I apologize if this joke makes no sense)

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What do you get when 500 Jewish mothers convert to Catholicism?

Critical Mass.

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A summary of the world's religions

Catholicism: Shit happens.
Protestantism: Let this shit happen to someone else.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit has happened before.
Confucianism: Confucius says "Shit happens"
Rastafarianism: Let's roll up this shit and smoke...

A Nun Pun [x-post from /r/Catholicism]

Fifth grade teacher Sister Agnes was leading her parochial school class in an arts and crafts activity; tie-dying t-shirts. A couple of unruly students were getting a bit reckless with their bottles of dye when they accidentally spilled several ounces of pink pigment down the back of Sister Agnes....

Did you hear Gotye converted from Judaism to Catholicism?

After realizing he didn't need to follow Jewish customs, he exclaimed to the rabbi, "you didn't have to cut me off!"

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A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

The conversion

Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day, when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $20."

Murray stops and stares at the sign. Abe turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?"

"Abe," replies...

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Religious Shit

Taoism: Shit happens.

Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.

Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.

Protestantism: Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.

Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?

Hinduism: This shit happened befo...

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Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church...

Two Jewish friends pass a Catholic Church on which a large poster addresses non-Catholics: "Come to us, accept Catholicism, and you instantly get $30,000 in cash!" While walking away, the two friends become engaged in a debate about whether the offer is meant seriously. A week later the two friends ...

Two beggars were sitting side by side in front of the Love Fountain in Rome, Italy.

One had a Cross in front of him; the other one was holding the Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the box of the beggar sitting behind the Cross.

The Pope came to the area. He stopped to watch the throngs of people giving money to the beggar wh...

Boudreaux the Baptist

Boudreaux was a Cajun highlander from Rapides Parish in central Louisiana who was born and raised a Baptist . Each Friday night after work, he would fire up his outdoor grill and cook a venison steak.

Now, as a point of interest, all of Boudreaux's neighbors were Catholic and as such were for...

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Two Jews walking down the street

Two Jews are taking an afternoon stroll. As they pass St. Joseph's Cathedral they notice a sign posted on the front door.

**CONVERT TO CATHOLICISM
GET $50!**

"$50!!," exclaims David. "What a great deal, we can just convert back after!"

"Hold your horses," says Aaron. "It co...

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Some Religious Truths

TAOISM: Shit happens

ZEN BUDDHISM: What is the sound of shit happening?

PROTESTANTISM: Let shit happen to someone else

ATHEISTS: Shit happens for no apparent reason

HARE KRISHNA: Shit happens/ Shit happens/ Happens, happens/ Shit happens

CONFUCIANISM: Confucius say...

Two old Jewish men are on their afternoon walk

On their route is a Catholic church. There's a sign out the front that says "Convert to Catholicism - takes 2 hours, get $200".

The first guy says "What the hell. We're retired - I've got nothing better to do, and $200 is $200!"

So in he goes. 2 hours later he comes back out. The seco...

There was a Swedish singer who was Catholic

Theres a swedish singer who was catholic, then renounced religion and became atheist in her teens. When she was in her early 20s she decided to follow Catholicism again. She was a Björn again Christian

What religion do cats practice?

CATholicism

My first submission, it used to play well with my father-in-law

Two Jewish men, Ari and Hymie, were walking down a city street, whereupon they happened to pass in front of a Catholic church. The church had a big sign out in front saying:

**"Convert To Catholicism and Receive $10! Today Only!!"**

Hymie stopped and studied the sign with a contemplati...

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Two Jewish friends are walking down the street...

Ben & Adam are walking down the street & notice a large billboard outside a church that reads "Convert to Catholicism & make $50!" Ben ponders & asks Adam if he should go in. Adam tells he should go for it and that he'll wait for him outside.


5 minutes later, Ben comes ba...

The competition of the priests

Three priests - a Catholic, a Protestant and a Jewish are competing against each other. The task is to convert a bear to their religion.

 

After a few days, the Catholic priest calls the others to his church and says: "Look! I've converted the bear to Catholicism and now he's...

Religious traditions

Back in the 1950's a Catholic neighbourhood was settling down to eat their Friday night fish when they smelled a delicious steak wafting from the recently-purchased house nearby. The men of the neighbourhood looked and saw their new neighbour having a BBQ. They looked at their fish but remained stoi...

The meaning of Easter

Three guys are converting to Catholicism, to get a feel for how much they know, the priest asks if they know the meaning of Easter.

first guy says "yeah, that's when Jesus was born."

"no, that's Christmas" explains the priest.

second guy says "that's when we thank god for ever...

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