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Cologne Jokes

Which German city smells the nicest?

Cologne

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A married guy goes to the bar…

A married guy goes to the bar, gets drunk out of his mind, and throws up on himself. He turns to a friend and says - “Holy shit, my wife’s gonna be so mad. I’d promised her a year of sobriety and here I am on day 7 all boozed up..”

The friend goes - “Don’t worry, man! I got a trick,” puts a $...

What do you call a rapper that smells nice?

Post Cologne

Tesla is releasing a new cologne

…it’s called Elon’s Musk

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I'm developing a scent for introverts. It's called...

..... Leave Me the Fuck Cologne!

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What's it called when you make sure you smell real good before getting a camera shoved up your bbutt?

Cologne-oscopy

Perfume and cologne can now be transferred via email.

They go into your scent folder.

what do you call a rapper with many good smelling colognes?

50 scent

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife.

Donald's hair gets fi...

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Arranged Marriage

A guy meets three potential girls on a couple of dates to decide his bride for an arranged marriage. His friend asks, “so how did it go?”

Guy: “Well, I decided to do a little experiment. On first date, I gave each of them $1000, and then asked them what they did with it on the second date a w...

Why did the perfumer go out for a drink after work?

Because he didn't want to drink cologne.

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An elderly man finds he is unable to perform sexually.

He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things; but nothing seems to work. So the doctor refers him to an American Indian medicine man.

He goes to see the Indian and the medicine man says, "I can cure this."

With that said, he throws a white powder in a flame, and there is a fl...

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There is a smiling security guard in the bathroom at the strip club i go to... [Long]

Night or day doesnt matter, you go in and he just stares you down while you’re using the pisser with the biggest smile on his face.

Ive tried talking to him several times but he just stands there and smiles like the queens guard or some shit. I figured i would test him a bit and see what i c...

I invented a new aftershave in honour of the Omicron virus

I named it ‘Leave me the Far Cologne’

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What kind of cologne does Elon Musk wear?

SprayseX

Elon Musk has launched a new cologne!

Space-Axe Body Spray™

How much does a eau de cologne cost?

$0.25 per fume

I made a new fragnance for introverts

It's called 'leave me the fuh cologne'

Yul Brynner was a lifelong liverpool fan who didn't wear aftershave

Yul never wore cologne

Apparently there’s a battle for the rights to Star Wars aftershave.

It’s “The Cologne Wars.”

During the Cold War, a British officer goes into a Cologne brothel.

He stands smartly at ease in front of the madame and says "*Guten abend*! May I enquire what your payment might be for the pleasure of my company?"

She looks him up and down, considers his rank and the likely size of his pay packet, and says "*Herr Hauptmann*, two hundred and fifty Deutschmar...

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Death visits Earth one day to claim the life of John the lawyer

Death visits Earth one day to claim the life of John the lawyer. When He enters John's office, John figures out what's going on and starts laughing hysterically. "What's up with the scythe? You look like an out-of-work farmer", he says. Red with embarrassment, Death storms out.

The next day,...

Why did the mad scientist smell so lovely?

He cologned himself.

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A club I was at had a vending machine that dispensed packets of cologne. I put a quarter in it, turned the knob, and nothing came out.

I guess the machine was out of odor.

What type of rodent needs cologne?

A muskrat.

My crush told me I smelled nice

Then she asked me where I bought my cologne so she could buy her Boyfriend some

Mike is leaving his apartment to go to a club.

As he's leaving, he sees his neighbor Frank. The two are about the same age, but barely know each other. In fact, Mike doesn't even like looking at Frank because he's ugly as sin, not to mention he always smells like a wet dog. And so he waits a few minutes before leaving so he doesn't have to inter...

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Ralph, the department store parrot

During its hayday, Goldfinches was a glorious department store, with gorgeous decorations, including a Aviary centerpiece, where Ralph held court. You see, Ralph had a special ability to detect what people wanted by their appearance, and he would tell them where to look for the thing they needed....

When did America smell its best?

The Cologne-ial Period

It’s a little known fact that superstar actor Yul Brynner was a huge Liverpool F.C fan. He also refused to use aftershave as it made his skin come up in hives.....

Yul never wore cologne!

TIL that in the '60s, Liverpool FC tried to get Yul Brynner to advertise their own-brand aftershave.

Sadly, it was doomed to fail because...

Yul never wore cologne.

A man buys some cologne before a job interview...

A man quickly headed to Walmart before a job interview looking to buy some cologne. Not knowing which one to buy, he asked the employee which fragrances were purchased the most by other customers. The employee directed him to five standard fragrances, all of which the man then bought. However, not k...

You might be a necropheliac if...

Shout out to Jeff Foxworthy for the inspiration. Here we go.

You might be a necropheliac if...

Your version of tinder is the local obituaries.

You have detailed knowledge of the security setup of every funeral home and cemetery in your city.

The contents of your trunk i...

From The Times

I’m surprised no one else has reported this. There was a revelation about Yul Brunner in The Times yesterday. Apparently, he was a great Liverpool supporter. It was also reported that he refused to use after-shave. Yes, Yul never wore Cologne.

I went to the corner shop earlier and now my bank card smells funny!

I think they might have cologned it.

I once went to a country where the president was a bottle of aftershave

It was under cologne-ial rule...

A salesman with a bad lisp...

came to my front door today. He was giving away a coupon for either free cologne or a free abortion. When I confronted him about it, he simply explained "Eidah way, you're gonna clear tha womb."

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Did you guys see the new line of Tony Romo's cologne?

Every time you wear it, you fuck up and the other guy scores.

Apparently Tesla is producing a new cologne that acts as a strong pheromone,

They're calling it, "Elon's Musk"

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A fat man is watching television

He is desperate about his weight situation, all of the sudden he sees an advertisement about losing weight on a tv channel, the woman on the tv shows 3 lose weight secrets that can be deliver to your house but without knowing what the actual product is, she also mentions to be aware of the third on...

Just Post Malone things

Q: What did Post Malone eat for breakfast?
A: Toast Malone

Q: What did Post Malone spray on before he left the house?
A: Post Cologne

Q: what do you call it when Post Malone invites you to his house?
A: Host Malone

Q: what do you call post-pubertal post Malone?
A:...

My husband was quite distraught and incoherent after losing his job at the cologne factory.

I don't know how to reply; he just isn't making scents anymore.

I tried a new cologne today that made me feel like a billion bucks.

It's called Musk, by Elon

New Cologne

My son told me this.

Tesla is offering a sample of their new cologne when you go to their show rooms.

It is called Elon Musk

A man and his brother met up for drinks

After a long night of drinking and laughing, the two men head home. On the way, they both delve into their love life, and the first man mentions the new girl he's been seeing.
"Yeah dude, we met at work and went out for dinner. She's gorgeous!"
His brother turns to him and asks,
"Nice! What...

Ever heard of an Irish bath?

An Irish bath is when you stand at the sink and just wash your armpits. Some people call it a Gypsy bath, or an Italian shower. A French bath is when you just douse yourself in cologne.

Whatever you call it, it’s all just ethnic cleansing.

A new men's cologne is in development which smells of electric eels shocking a Silicon Valley giant...

Its called Eel-on Musk.

What cologne does Bill Cosby wear?

Chloroform

There are two rival politicians are in a barbershop getting a haircut

One of the barbers takes out a bottle of cologne, and the first politician takes a whiff, and refuses it, saying that his wife will smell it and think he's been at a brothel.

The second politician laughs, and then he says "Go on, I'm fine with it because *my* wife doesn't know what a brothel ...

A young potato's night out

A young bachelor potato decides he wants a night out on the town. He hops in the shower and gets nice and clean, puts on some nice cologne, shaves off all those little hairs and puts on his best jacket. He decides to head down to a local bar for a drink and see where the night goes. As he orders his...

Elon Musk

People always talk about how great of an entrepreneur Elon Musk is but he's yet to create a cologne called Elon's Musk.

Ghetto Word Of The Day:

Cologne "Ay, you think you cologne me a dollar or two?"

Did you hear about the new cologne Chris Brown put out?

I heard it was a real hit with the ladies.

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One day, a kid heard her parents arguing.

She heard them yelling out bitch and bastard a couple of times. The kid intervened and asked them what does bitches and bastards mean. The mom said those words mean ladies and gentlemen.
A week later, the kid was watching TV with her dad. Later, a Victoria's Secret commercial came on, uttering th...

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