Me and my wife always see to it that our mantelpieces are neatly trimmed..
...ever since we left Sean Connery to fend for himself in the raging forest fire. As we fled we could hear him screaming: "Oh good! Remember to shave your shelves!!"
A State Government Employee sits in his office, and out of boredom decides to see what's in his old filing cabinet
He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp. "This would look nice on my mantelpiece," he thinks, so he takes it home with him. While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. "I wish for an ice-cold diet Pepsi right now!" POOF! A Pepsi appears before him ...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Weary man walks into a bar...
Inside it's warm and someone out of sight is playing a piano. The music soothes the man and the weight of the world is totally lifted from his shoulders. It's so soft and lilting he feels like he's bathing in it.
He goes to the barkeep and orders a beer.
"Hey," he says to bartender, "W...