Chimney Jokes - 50 Hilarious Chimney Jokes

How much does a chimney cost?

Nothing. Because it’s on the house.

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney ?

You’re to young to smoke

Why doesn't Santa have any kids?

Because he only comes once a year, and it's down a chimney!

What did the chimney say to the other chimney

I’m high

Why did Santa stop coming down the chimney?

Because he became Claustrophobic.

I'll see myself out.

What do you call the fear of being trapped in a chimney?

Claus-trophobia.

Why does Santa come down the chimney?

Because Mrs. Claus won't let him in the back door.

Why was the chimney sick?

Because it had the flue.

What's the difference between jelly and jam?

Santa doesn't jelly himself down the chimney on Christmas Eve.

TIL chimneys can be used as conjunctions

They may introduce a clause

Do you know how much a chimney costs?

Me neither but I bet it's through the roof!

Just kidding, it's on the house.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Workers are building a brutally tall chimney...

When they are almost finished, a foreman runs to them short of breath and shouts:

We are in deep guys, someone turned over my construction plans...

We were supposed to dig a well!!!

There's an exception in the breaking and entering laws for people coming in through the chimney

It's called the Santa clause

You think gad and electric bills are expensive... have you seen chimneys?

They're through the roof!

Why does Santa have such a hard time with chimneys?

Because he's Klaustrophobic.

Why is Mrs. Claus's throat called 'the chimney'

Because Santa only gets to come down it once a year

My friend's scared of getting stuck in a chimney with an old man at Christmas.

She's Santa Claustraphobic.

"How much does this chimney cost?", the customer asked politely

"Oh, prices are through the roof sir!", the salesman replied.

Why was St. Nick afraid of delivering presents down the chimney?

He had santaclaustrophobia.

A chimney sweeper comes into a bar.

The bartender says: "this one's on the house!"

I'm opening a new chimney sweep, soldering supplies, and dessert business.

It's called Flue, Flux, Flan.

What's it called when someone is afraid of getting stuck in a chimney?

Santa Claustrophobia

What did the big chimney say to the little chimney?

You're too young to smoke.

Sorry, it's the first joke I ever learned, and I haven't ever seen it posted.

A guy calls a chimney sweep.

A guy calls a chimney sweep to get his chimney cleaned. The sweep checks it out and then says he can do the job for $1,200. "TWELVE HUNDRED DOLLARS!" the guy shouts. "For that much I'll do it myself." The sweep chuckles and says "Okay soot yourself "

What did Santa say when he dropped down the chimney at the kardashians?

Ho Ho Ho!

I’m giving away my chimney for free.

It’s on the house.

Why have so many chimneys stopped smoking?

Because of hearth disease

(from my 6yo daughter)

It was time to get our chimney cleaned so I called a professional chimney sweep. He checks things out and after 10 minutes hands me an estimate. After checking it out I protested. "Twenty five hundred! Are you nuts? I'll clean it myself!

Ok soot yourself.

Sir, the numbers are in and I'm pleased to report that chimney sales are through the roof.

But our kindling branch is up in smoke.

What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?

Crisp Kringle.

Last Christmas Santa Claus got stuck in a particularly narrow chimney

He suffered from Claus Trophobia.

I’d like to start with the chimney jokes

I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.

I used to date a female chimney sweep, you know the best bit?

I could fiddler on the roof

A chimney sweep recently won $240,000 in a lottery

This is the largest sweep's take on record.

It's not right to assume that a janitor can clean your chimney.

You shouldn't make sweeping generalizations.

Britain used to send kids up chimneys to sweep them. It was hazardous and many got ill and died.

Until we developed the flue vaccine.

They arrested a strange man coming down my chimney last night...

They said they had probable Claus.

---

Merry Christmas/Happy Holidays reddit!

How do you make a chimney sweep get a move on?

Just light a fire under his !

The CDC is warning people about biohazards in chimneys, but my dumb Facebook friends won't listen.

They keep saying "It's just the flue, bro."

Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys next year?

It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Your mamma is so ugly Santa came down the chimney and said

Ho Ho Holy

My buddy told me he fantasizes about being made of bricks and having a chimney.

He'd really be stoked if he was a fireplace.

A man came home to find his house burned down, only the chimney was still standing. Since he had no where else to go, he slept in his fireplace that night. In the morning the mailman came to deliver and found the man waking up. The mailman remarked that he was impressed the man got any sleep at all.

To which the man replied, "actually I slept like a log."

How does Santa Claus remember which chimneys he’s been down?

He keeps a log

Got into a fight with the man who was repairing my chimney. After a while he realized he was in the wrong so he told me:

“Next chimney is on the house”.

Strange that the chimney tends to survive a house fire.

as a cold reminder of where the fire should have been. -Jimeoin

The tooth fairy, unfairly caught up in a dentures scam, was standing in line behind Voldermort in the magic prison commissary,

Suddenly, Voldermort screams at an old man alone in a corner, "You wouldn't be here if you appreciated stealth, Mr ho-ho-ho from the rooftops."

The tooth fairy realizes the outcast is Santa Claus, and separates himself from the undesirables to approach him, asking, "Kind Sir, what did you do ...

God Will Save Me

A man of faith hears on the radio there's going to be flooding. He shrugs at thradio and says, "God will take care of me."

He wakes up the next day and the first floor of his house is flooded.. as the water rises, he climbs up into the roof.

A guy floats by in a canoe and s...

Why was Santa sick on the day after Christmas?

A couple of the chimneys he went down had the flue

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Talmud logic exposed

A young man in his mid-twenties knocks on the door of the noted scholar Rabbi Shwartz. “My name is Sean Goldstein,” he says. “I’ve come to you because I wish to study Talmud.”

“Do you know Aramaic?” the rabbi asks.

“No,” replies the young man.

“Hebrew?” asks the Rabbi.

“N...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.