Bah humbug!

The International Criminal Court of Justice in the Hague, in the case brought before it against the year 2020 and COVID-19, has ruled the phrase "Bah humbug!" is no longer just for Christmas and should now be used year round.

Sis. Boom. Bah.

What is the sound of an exploding sheep?

What are Perry The Platypus’ pronouns?

Do Be Do/Be Do Bah

A sheep and a goat went on a blind date and found out they had nothing in common.

When asked about their experience,

the Sheep went: “Bah”

and the Goat went “Meh”.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Henry Kissinger was once asked to explain what shuttle diplomacy was.

– Oh! It is a never-failing old Jewish method. Let me give you an example. Suppose you want to marry Rockefeller’s daughter to a lad from a Siberian village.
– How would you do that?
– Easy. I go to a Siberian village, find there a young man and ask him, “Would you like to marry an American Je...

A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.

Bah dum, tss.

An old couple was realizing they were losing their memory

They decided they would go to a doctor to see about the problem

The doctor said “Well, there isn’t very much I can do, but you could try one thing.”

“What’s that?” They said

“You could try writing everything down, so if you ever forgot something, you would have a reference.”...

An Irish Man Walks Into A Bar...

...and stumbles to the bartender. “Barkeep, Oi’ll have a point”, he slurs.

The bartender looks him over critically. “A pint? Sorry sir, but I can’t serve you. You’re clearly too drunk.”

The Irish man scrunches his eyebrows, peers at the barkeep, turns around and trips out the front doo...

Well,I Decked the Halls today...

They kept coming over singing those damn Christmas carols. Bah humbug!

Where do sheep get their haircut?

At the Bah-Bah-Shop

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I want to see if this German joke survives translation

Two homeless dudes called Hans and Franz walk the street and see something brown on the street.

Hans says: Watch out - there is some poo.

Franz: says Nah - that is chocolate.

Hans takes a bite and says: definitely poo. You can even smell it.

Franz takes a bite as well: Ba...

A man is panhandling outside a casino in Las Vegas

He approaches a well-dressed couple, thinking they have some cash, and says, "Please, could you spare ten dollars? You see, my wife is sick and needs an operation. My insurance won't cover it all, and I need to come up with $25,000 to pay the hospital before they'll even consider scheduling her su...

I called the Suicide helpline for assistance

Turns out they only help PREVENT suicide. Bah!

Was told this on my wedding day 16 years ago by my 8 year old nephew...

A grasshopper walks into a bar and tells the bartender this is his first time at a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender hands him a bottle and says “Hey, did you know we have a drink named after you?” The grasshopper shakes his head in amazement and says “What?!? i didnt know you had a drink named...

What did the Guatemalan man do when he saw a deer run across his car’s path on the motorway?

He accidentally ran over it in His panic.

bah dum tss

What does Master Yoda say at the end of the day?

day go bah

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Freudian Slip

One friend says to the other "Wow dude, i have to tell you an embarrassing story"
"Sure..What is it?"
"Well, I just had the worst freudian slip experience. I recently had to go on a business trip to Pittsburgh and when I went to the counter in the airport to buy the ticket, the lady working ha...

A Parting Gift

An explorer, during a trek through an unknown jungle, made contact with a primitive tribe, and swapped basic language and customs. The day comes for the explorer to depart and, as a parting gift, he gives a fine silver mirror to the chief of the tribe. The chief takes the mirror in awe, and as the e...

Foot, Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot

There's a road, on one side is a beautiful green field and on the other side is a horrible muddy field with three sheep. The first sheep is named Foot, the second sheep is named Foot Foot and the third sheep is named Foot Foot Foot. One day Foot said to Foot Foot and Foot Foot Foot "Bah, Foot Foot a...

A sheep, two doughnuts, and a snake walked into a bar.

Bah-Dunk-Dunk, Sssss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

3 Tough Cowboys

Three cowboys are sitting around the campfire after a long day on the plains.

The first cowboy says, "I'm the toughest man in the west, I once took three arrows in my back and rode 2 days through Indian infested badlands to get help."

The second cowboy says, "Bah, I'm the toughest man ...

How can you tell if a sheep has met Yoda?

Dago Bah

What do you call a cow that's had an abortion?

Decaffeinated! Bah dum dum...ting

A german, italian, and american chat in a bar..

A German, an Italian, and an American chat in a bar.
The German says: "my wife goes 0 to 100 in 7 seconds!"
"How so?" replies the Italian.
"I bought her a Porsche" replies the German.
"bah! my wife goes 0 to 100 in 5 seconds!!" the Italian states.
"really?? how?" asks the G...

Why did the sheep go to Boston?

To drink at the Bahs.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

God sends an angel down from Heaven...

...To bring the commandments to the people of the world, first the angel visits the French and he says "I have these commandments for you, they'll make your lives better"

"Well, what are they?" asked the French

"Thou shalt not commit adultery" replied the angel

"Bah, we're not i...

Do you know what's better than Alan one-dick?

Alan Tu-dyk...

(*bah-dum-tish*)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bin Laden was walking through the desert in Afghanistan...

While walking, he stumbled upon a magic lamp. He rubbed it, and a female genie popped out.

“Bah! Why is this genie a woman!” he angrily exclaimed.

“Behold!” she said, “I am a magical genie who can grant any wish that your heart desires.”

“I shall not speak to any woman about my ...

Forgetful couple

An elderly couple went to see their physician because the pair of them have been forgetting things as of late. The doctor performs an examination on them and concludes that they are in perfect health. He explains to them that in their old age people naturally start forgetting things, and advises th...

Which country hates rain?

Bah Rain!

Why do sheep love Star Wars Episode V?

Because Dey-go-bah.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The newspaper

So, I and my friend were in the cafeteria at lunch time, when...

Me: hey - pass me over that paper, will you, please?

My friend: What? Paper? Bah, you country duffer - here, use my iPhone 4S. It's the latest meanest and baddest piece of technology in your hands, and it's got 3G man - b...

Why are cats always sitting on keyboards?

So they can play with the mouse

*bah dum tsss*

One day a hermit comes down from the mountains and into town.

He goes into the saloon and has a drink. He says to the bartender, "are there any women around here?". The bartender tells him "no, but there's old joe out back". The hermit says no thanks I don't go for that stuff, finishes his drink and heads back up into the mountains. Six months later he comes b...

Three Escaped Prisoners

Three men - who were not the brightest of individuals - escaped from prison one evening. They knew that the authorities would be hot on their tail in only a matter of minutes, so they decided to find somewhere to hide on a nearby farm.

The first prisoner climbed an apple tree, then kept as st...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hunting in Montana

Bubba was talking to his friend Carl in Montana. He asked Carl how he liked living in such a rural area. Carl replied "Oh, it's kinda boring. All I do is hunt and fuck." Bubba says "Well, what do ya hunt?" Carl replied "Something to fuck!" (bah-dum-duh-tshh)

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.