Long Distance Jokes

He was on his first ever flight, and he had the window seat. Besides him sat a giant man, heavily tattooed, and not smelling the cleanest.

After the plane took off, the timid little fellow soon found himself feeling sick. But he didn't know how to get past the large fellow that sat between ... read more

shuriken!!!!

Space x.

A woman and a man met on Tinder and began a long distance relationship. They would communicate everyday but their distance was always 1548km apart. Eventually, the woman could no longer bear the distance apart and asked for a break up. The man said nothing. The next day, the woman noticed the distan... read more

I had to stay 300 feet away from her at all times.

Also, the judge said i had to stop calling her "my girlfriend"

Or as she likes to call it, a “restraining order”

A guy walks into his usual local bar and orders a beer. "All alone tonight? Where's your girlfriend?" the bartender asks. "My girlfriend and I are trying this whole 'long-distance relationship thing'," he tells the bartender. "Well, that can be hard," the bartender says. "You're telling me. I have t... read more

I'm moving the fridge to my room.

They don't work out.

Norse code.

Sorry everyone!

Personally, I‘d get rid of the 800m. It‘s too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.

EDIT: Thanks for the silver, appreciated!
EDIT 2: Wow, thank you, kind stranger, for gold aswell!

I go to great lengths to avoid them.

Because there was a C between them.

A lap

So I sent her a solicited dip pic

All four people are happy.

Does that make it Mjol-far?

Marathongs

My imagination.

The South-African, American and the Chinese president are all on a plane

Eventually they get tired of talking business and decide to open up a couple of beers and soon get drunk, somehow they find a way to open one of the windows of the plane and take turns sticking their hand out the window.... read more

Because they'd miss each other.

r/pics: “I’m also making desks for children in my area doing long distance learning”

r/nosleep: “I’m also making desks out of children in my area doing long distance learning”

With their aye-phones.

I say we have a “long distance relationship.”

She says I have a “restraining order.”

It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar.

Unfortunately, my phone died right after “man.”

Baby camel: Why do we have these humps on out backs?

Mother camel: We store water there for when we walk long distances in desert and we don't have water for days.

Baby camel: Ok. What are our long eyelashes for?

Mother camel: When there is a sandstorm, they stop sand from enter... read more

He wanted to make a long distance caw

Britons think 200 miles is a long distance, and American's think 200 years is a long time.

Lately I've been seeing less and less of her.

Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.

Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.

"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.

"You may have won,"... read more

She didn't want a long distance relationship.

He decided to take a break because he was hungry.

Two knights practicing combat nearby. One of them accidentally made a mistake and got shoved into the unfixed fence.

When the fence broke, he forcefully fell down the long distance. When he got down, in his dying breath, he screamed "... read more

Background information:

In India we have long distance trains which are pulled using engines and have toilet facilities, and seats which double as beds. It issues two types of tickets one is to ride the train (used by people to travel short distances, 8-10hrs) and another is to ride the train... read more

1. A case falling on me from an overhead compartment.
2. Someone stealing my case.
3. Realising I've picked up someone else's case by mistake.
4. Not remembering the combination to the lock on my case.
5. Being required to carry a heavy case for a very long distance.

On a recent trip to NASA headquarters where President Trump announced his plans for a space force, conversation turned to getting Americans back on the Moon as well as missions to Mars.

Some NASA advisers explained some of the difficulties they were facing with long distance manned space mis... read more