If Elon Musk's space company establishes a Mars colony, and you have a girlfriend on mars, but later break up because of long distance, she'd be your....

Space x.

My girlfriend and I just transitioned to a long distance relationship

Or as the judge insists on calling it, a “restraining order”

The long distance relationship

A guy walks into his usual local bar and orders a beer. "All alone tonight? Where's your girlfriend?" the bartender asks. "My girlfriend and I are trying this whole 'long-distance relationship thing'," he tells the bartender. "Well, that can be hard," the bartender says. "You're telling me. I have t...

My long distance girlfriend called me saying she finally wants to meet me in person. I left her this message right before my phone died: “This is very important: I am not a man that normally makes huge commitments, but I think the time is right for us to see each other.”

Unfortunately, my phone died right after “man.”

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Long distance relationships are hard...

I haven’t seen my girl for a month and worst I haven’t had sex for a couple of weeks...









—Jose Cervantes

Long distance relationship

A woman and a man met on Tinder and began a long distance relationship. They would communicate everyday but their distance was always 1548km apart. Eventually, the woman could no longer bear the distance apart and asked for a break up. The man said nothing. The next day, the woman noticed the distan...

How did Vikings communicate over long distances?

Norse code.

Sorry everyone!

My girlfriend and I are now in a long distance relationship

I still see her all the time, I’m just not legally permitted to be within 1,000 ft. of her.

Can a Ninja attack you from long distance?

shuriken!!!!

Front page: “I’m making desks for the children in my area doing long distance learning”

r/pics: “I’m also making desks for children in my area doing long distance learning”

r/nosleep: “I’m also making desks out of children in my area doing long distance learning”

The South-African, Chinese and American are all on a new experimental long distance plane together

The South-African, American and the Chinese president are all on a plane

Eventually they get tired of talking business and decide to open up a couple of beers and soon get drunk, somehow they find a way to open one of the windows of the plane and take turns sticking their hand out the window....

My friend asked how my long distance relationship was going

Me: so far, so good.

If thor throws his hammer a long distance,

Does that make it Mjol-far?

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Currently long distance with my girlfriend and struggling. My friends have recommended phone sex to keep the spark going.

But since they've got rid of the headphone jack where the fuck am I meant to put it?!

My long distance girlfriend wanted to see the guacamole I made

So I sent her a solicited dip pic

I'm in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend. He's from another nation.

My imagination.

What's common between long distance relationships and fat chicks?

Both don't work out.

I have a fear of long distances

I go to great lengths to avoid them.

What type of underwear do long distance runners wear?

Marathongs

I just can't take this long distance relationship anymore...

I'm moving the fridge to my room.

Why do stormtroopers never have long distance relationships?

Because they'd miss each other.

Why were B and D long distance lovers?

Because there was a C between them.

How do pirates agree with each other over long distances?

With their aye-phones.

What's the difference between the Olympic long distance race and the Paralympic long distance race?

A lap

Why is the phone sweaty?

It is making a long distance call

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A Horse's Ass

Does the statement "We’ve always done it that way" ring any bells?

The US standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That’s an exceedingly odd number.

Why was that gauge used?

Because that’s the way they built them in England, and English expatri...

What is a long distance love?

It's when you're in the office, bed is at home and whiskey is in the bar.

If you could exterminate any race what would you pick?

Personally, I‘d get rid of the 800m. It‘s too long to be considered a sprint and not long enough to really be long distance.

EDIT: Thanks for the silver, appreciated!
EDIT 2: Wow, thank you, kind stranger, for gold aswell!

You know the difference between Americans and Europeans? .

Europeans think 100 miles is a long distance.

Americans think 100 years is a long time.

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A man takes his family on vacation...

He goes down to the concierge desk and informs them that he has children in his room and he would like to request the following...


"Please ensure that no long distance numbers can be called."

"Of course sir, done."

"Please ensure there are no alcoholic beverages in the min...

I have a long distance relationship with an anorexic girl.

Lately I've been seeing less and less of her.

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On a train in the Soviet Union

Three comrades travel in the same room in a long distance sleeper train. One comrade is reading a newspaper, while the other two tell political anecdotes. The first comrade decides to prank them. He steps out, and orders three cups of tea to be brought in their room in exactly 10 minutes. Then he co...

Engineers!

Background information:

In India we have long distance trains which are pulled using engines and have toilet facilities, and seats which double as beds. It issues two types of tickets one is to ride the train (used by people to travel short distances, 8-10hrs) and another is to ride the train...

My buddy from Sniper school broke up with his GF.

She didn't want a long distance relationship.

A medieval worker in England was fixing the fence on the top of the castle

He decided to take a break because he was hungry.

Two knights practicing combat nearby. One of them accidentally made a mistake and got shoved into the unfixed fence.

When the fence broke, he forcefully fell down the long distance. When he got down, in his dying breath, he screamed "...

God and his 2 omnipotent friends are deciding how they should make their new world,

When trying to decide what to add to their world God's first friend says "We need to create a large strong animal that can pull around our people's machinery and that they can ride long distances to save their legs"

"Don't worry" said God "I have just the thing from the last world I made, the...

Some of the worst case scenarios:

1. A case falling on me from an overhead compartment.
2. Someone stealing my case.
3. Realising I've picked up someone else's case by mistake.
4. Not remembering the combination to the lock on my case.
5. Being required to carry a heavy case for a very long distance.

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The Magic Dildo (nsfw)

Romeo has gotten a new job out of state and now must leave his girlfriend, Juliet, behind. Their love is strong so they both want to give this long distance thing a try. The night before his departure, Romeo gives Juliet a gift: A magic dildo. “To use it,” He says, “all you have to say is *Magic ...

Two Russians, Vlad and Ivan, decided to have a race.

Both long distance runners, they decided the end would be a large rock a few miles past the Russia-Finland border.

Vlad was ahead for most of the race, but he faltered soon after the border and was passed by Ivan, who won.

"I told you I would win!" said Ivan.

"You may have won,"...

Space Force One

On a recent trip to NASA headquarters where President Trump announced his plans for a space force, conversation turned to getting Americans back on the Moon as well as missions to Mars.

Some NASA advisers explained some of the difficulties they were facing with long distance manned space mis...

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Dating a Guinness record holder

A woman starts dating a Guinness record holder: the man with the longest penis.

Things are fine for some time, but they soon break up.

When her friends ask her why they broke up, she says: "Well... It was a long distance relationship".

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