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Long Haul Jokes

On a long haul flight.....

.... with a couple of hours of the flight left the cabin lights were turned on.
The guy next to me woke up startled and annoyed.
“Who turned the f#*@*ing lights on” he shouted at a member of the cabin crew.
“Sir, these are the breakfast lights. I’m afraid you slept through the f#*@*ing...

The long haul

an airplane is shipping a large amount of bricks, when suddenly the pilot yells over the intercom "the plane is going down we need to lower the weight" what do you do?

*throw out one brick*

how do you fit an elephant in a freezer?

*open the door, let him in, shut the door.*
<...

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A father and teenage son are on a cross-country long haul...

A father and teenage son are on a cross-country long haul for the fathers work. After driving a few hours and it being the middle of the night, the father finds himself a little sleepy at the wheel. He whistles out loud and out from the back a monkey jumps out and starts giving the father a blowjob....

What’s a truckers favorite kind of house?

The ones with the long haul ways!

Classic

400 passengers and only 200 meals were loaded on a long haul transatlantic flight to New York.

The airline had bungled, and the crew was in a fix! However, one smart flight attendant had an idea!

About 30 minutes into the flight she nervously announced : "Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't...

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An XM station was looking for a sportscaster...

An XM sports station was looking for a new sportscaster for play-by-play commentary for football games. The producer had two possible candidates lined up, and he brought them to meet the station manager.

The station manager was impressed by the first young man. He was bright, well-spoken, dre...

British Airways bags the best in-flight service award!

On a long haul UK flight, a mother took her young son to the toilet and told him she would come back for him, in five minutes.

However, he was finished in two minutes so he left the toilet and wandered off down the aisle, in the opposite direction from where his mother was.

Meanwhile, ...

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Guy gets sent to prison for white-collar crime...

Guy gets sent to prison for white collar crime. It's his first sentence, so he decides to play it low key. His cellmate helpfully suggests if he has any questions he can just ask.

A month later, he says, "You know, I think I have the basic feel for the place, people to avoid, the guards...

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No fuck no ride

So this lonely trucker is on a long haul with his parrot when he comes across a sexy hitchhiker so he pulls over and says to the girl hey how ya doing? Need a ride? She smiles and says yes to which he asks wanna fuck? She replies hell no so he tells her no fuck no ride. The parrot goes off screechi...

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A longhaul trucker with a trailer full of chickens is driving to Chicago...

A long haul trucker with a trailer full chickens is driving to Chicago with a parrot on the dashboard. As he's driving, he sees a woman at the side of the road with her thumb out. He pulls over to the side, and the woman gets in.

Trucker: Do you have money?

Woman: No.

Truck: Su...

One Day at Work...

...a man hears a Ghostly Voice speak to him: "Quit your job, sell your car, sell your house, take the money and go to Vegas..."

Figuring he was just sleep deprived, he ignored the Voice, but the next morning, he heard the same voice: "Quit your job, sell your car, sell your house, clear out y...

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