UPJOKE
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What's the difference between my wife and my student loans?

My student loans fuck me with interest.

Post Malone Has Started His Own Student Loan Service in an Attempt to Lift the Burden Off of New Graduates

It's called "Post Malone's Post Pone Ma Loans"

The Department is Education is canceling $150 million in student loans.

Those are a lucky 4 people.

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Having student loans is like being in a shitty marriage.

They fuck you once a month for 25 years,

they make you feel guilty about every dollar you spend,

and you spend an unhealthy amount of time wondering if you could fake your death to get out of the whole arrangement.

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What’s the difference between an escort and a student loan provider?

An escort will stop fucking you when you run out of money

Thank you, student loans, for helping me get through college.

I don't think I can ever repay you.

The U.S. just passed the student loan forgiveness act!

We're now required to forgive the government for our student loan debt.

Why did my cat get screwed on his student loans?

He forgot to read the second claws

Shout out to my student loan for getting me through college.

I don't know how I'll ever be able to repay you.

Shout out to my student loans

for being the only one from college keeping in touch

Are you a student loan?

Cause I'd like to have you around for the rest of my life.

Due to the size of my student loans for my phd I have debts no honest man could pay....

Luckily I'm a statistician.

What's the difference between herpes and student loan?

You could have some fun time before you get herpes.

Started my first job two months ago: low paying job but with good potential for growth. I’m yet to pay my student loan

During the job interview, my boss said I spend to much time thinking before I answered the questions, so they have doubts with my sincerity. Nevertheless, he said he saw my potential and picked me.

The board was going to meet today to discuss about an impending merger. My boss asked me to co...

Sub-Zero paid off his student loans...

Frugality...

My student loan providers said that they're going to "garnish" my wages?

I guess it's true that thyme is money

Me: Hey babe, are you a federal student loan?

Me: hey babe, are you a federal student loan? Because it looks like you have low interest

My date: Yep.

Me: oh

A horse walks into a bar.

"Why the long face?" the bartender asks...


"Haha," the horse replies, sarcastically, "Haven't heard that one before."


"Just got the news," the horse continues, "I've been accepted into college."


Bartender says, "That's great news! You should be celebrating."
<...

I thought my student loans were great when I got then.

Now they're outstanding!

What do you call a starship that works multiple jobs and can't pay of it's student loans?

The Millennial Falcon

I got my student loans down from 100k to 50k overnight with this super easy life hack.

Divorce

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A man walks into a brothel

A man walks into a brothel one day and says to the woman: “I’m here to enjoy an evening with a young woman. Is this a fine establishment?”

The woman replies “oh absolutely! This is the finest establishment that you’ll find within a 300 mile radius!”

The man states “great! I have a 12 i...

Smoking cigarettes isn't completely bad for you,

Just think, for every cigarette you smoke it takes 7 minutes off your student loans.

After years of hard work after college, I finally paid back my student loans.

I wish I can post this in a different sub.

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A recent college graduate decided to turn to prostitution

Due to his huge student loans and low salary, so he placed a large sign that read:

One sexy time on the floor: 25$

One sexy time on the couch: 50$

One sexy time on the Bed: 100$

Then an old lady sees the sign and quickly runs to the bank makes a quick withdrawal and goes ...

I was just looking out my window at my neighbor's back yard where their son is celebrating his college graduation with a few friends.

So sad those kids have so much student loan debt that they all have to share one ratty-looking cigarette.

I recently made an impossible escape room and I’m extremely proud!

It’s called Student Loans.

If you wanted to see a black hole...

I could have just shown you my student loan statement.

My teacher told me to "pay attention"

And I say "sorry, my student loans don't cover it"

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What’s the difference between a dick and a Ferrari?

I’d only have to get plowed by a Ferrari once to pay off my student loans.

Trump shutting down the border would be the best thing for millennials

Once the avocado market dries up they can finally pay off their student loans and buy a house

A man in his late twenties was in a car accident... (Long)

The windshield shattered and a piece flew into his eye, blinding him and causing irreparable damage to the eyeball itself. As this man had substantial student loan debt, his doctor could only find one prosthetic eye in his price range and it happened to be made out of wood. To help him deal with thi...

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I'm an old guy, and I fuck at least 3 super hot girls in their mid 20's every week

I'm a student loan collector

My best Friend Wasted His Medical School Training

After seven years of medical school and training my good friend was fired because of one little indiscretion, and can no longer work in the profession he had dedicated his life to. He slept with a patient. He is still paying back student loans. His family is devastated. It's such a damn shame be...

A wealthy man dies....

A wealthy man dies and in his will he asked his 3 best friends to hold 10,000 dollars. At his funeral they are supposed to throw the 30k into his coffin before they bury him. At the grave side the three men stand there and each throws in an envelope. Afterwards, they were drinking and the first man ...

If anyone is Christmas shopping for me...

I take a size large in student loans.

I was taken advantage of my first day of college

I was young.

There were more than one of them.

They wanted my interest and they got it.

They said I couldn't back out.

And it won't be that bad.

I took more than I could handle and it hurt.

Now it burdens me every day.

They said after college th...

Hey cutie, are you the economy?

Because you're almost as crippling as my student loans and anxiety.

A recent university graduate wins $1 million dollars, and is being interviewed by the news.

A recent university graduate wins $1 million dollars, and is being interviewed by the news.

News anchor: So what will you do with the money?

The graduate: I will pay off my student loans.

News anchor: And what will you do with the rest?

The graduate: They'll have to wait...

A boomer, a millennial, and a Gen Z kid walk into a bar

They sit down at a table and order a bottle of whiskey. The boomer pours a tall glass for himself and says, "There ain't no social security left, so I'm pouring myself a big glass of whiskey!" Then, the millennial grabs the bottle an pours a medium sized glass and says, "I've got $100,000 in student...

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