Why does python live on land?

Because it’s above C-level.

In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

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Two horses live on a farm.

Their names are Harry and Larry. Harry and Larry are best friends. They do everything together, they eat together, play together, sleep together...

One day, while Harry and Larry were grazing in the fields, Larry said to Harry, “Harry, I think it’s time we figure out who the Alpha Horse on th...

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A man and his wife, who live on the beach, decide they want to have sea snails for dinner

The man is sent off to go and get some fresh from the beach. While he is collecting them, a gorgeous woman who is jogging along the beach stops and starts flirting with him. After chatting for a bit, he ends up going back to her place for a marathon of sex and completely loses track of time.
...

Did you hear the one about the Vegan Crossfitter who saw Hamilton live on Broadway with the original cast?

He didn't know which one to talk about first.

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Little Johnny and his sister come down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if they had done their chores.

"Not yet," said Little Johnny.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back ...

What do you call Rats that live on a star?

Palindrome.

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is beginning to deliver the baby

The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can fini...

A father has two sons named Joe and Mikey and the live on the third floor of their apartment.

One day the father goes to store, but leaves the key to his car in the apartment. He see's Joe in the window and shouts to him, "throw my key out the window!"

Sadly, Mikey didn't survive the fall

I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on."

"Okay, that's fine." they replied.

I added, "Your luggage is outside."

Write a wise saying and your name will live on.

----Anonymous

Anti vaxx jokes allow dead baby jokes to live on.

Unlike the non vaccinated kids.

Where would Superman's family live on a vacation?

Host - EL

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A British man moved abroad to live on a ranch in Australia

He had been over there for a few weeks on his own before he started to feel quite lonely. Peering out of his window he couldn't see a single soul for miles around, just a single dirt road creeping through the rolling landscape.

One day the telephone rang, he answered
"Hello?" he said sheep...

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

Why did the cannibal live on his own?

He was fed up with other people.

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NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

I'm starting a charity for PhD students so they can finally afford to live on their own without the need for roommates...

It's called "Doctors without Boarders."

We used to live on a very busy main road.

But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move in to a house.

What do you call two dentists that live on the opposite side of the world?

Molar opposites

Stephen Fry broke a world record when he read the entire Harry Potter series live on BBC Radio 4.

Listeners were disappointed that he didn't read it out loud...

Can a Frenchman live on an island?

'course 'e can!

Someone calls the radio station and goes live on air

-Hey, I found a wallet on the Paloma street with 5000 US$ in it. It has an ID card too with the name Conrad Nalini.

-Yeah, and how may I help you, sir?

-Ah, no help needed. I just wanted to request a song for the guy.

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I live on the edge.....

Because my ass is to fat to fit on the seat

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Two men and one women survive a plane crash and find an island to live on

There is plenty of food and water, and after a day they are able to build a suitable shelter. The days go by followed by weeks. After a few weeks of their day to day routine, they can no longer hold back their urges.

The can no longer contain these animal urges and begin to fuck. After a few ...

Told by a 5 year old boy live on local radio: Why did Mr humpty dumpy push Mrs humpty dumpy off the wall?

.....So he could see her crack....

What makes it impossible for cats to live on Mars?

Curiosity

Why do we live on a giant rock, but ruled by money?

Because paper beats rock.

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LIVE ON RADIO [long]

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers 'yes', he or...

I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen,

I want to live on in my apartment.

What street in France do reindeer live on?

Rue Dolph

Why do women live on average two years longer?

Because the time they spend parking doesn’t count.

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It was getting crowded in Heaven one day, so Saint Peter decided to only accept people who could make him laugh...

It was getting crowded in Heaven one day, so Saint Peter decided to only accept people who could make him laugh.

A man came walking up to the gates and Saint Peter said to him:

"Alright bud, you're only getting in today if you can make me laugh, so why don't you tell me about how you d...

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A husband walks into the bedroom to see his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, "What are you doing?"

She answers, "I'm moving to Nevada . I heard that prostitutes there get paid $400 for what I'm doing for YOU for FREE!"

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom and sees her husband packing his suitcase.

When she asks him ...

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Two Catholic Priests...

Two Catholic Priests live on the opposite sides of town, and pass each other on their bikes on the way to Sunday Mass. One day, one of the priests was walking. So the other priest stopped.
"Father, where is your bike at?" "Well, I think it was stolen, and I don't know what to do."
The one prie...

Surprised Bill's still alive then.

A member of the Democratic party, recently deceased, approached the Pearly Gates. After exchanging pleasantries with St. Peter, he is led into the receiving area and handed a clock which is not running. Confused, and noticing the countless other clocks on the walls, the man asked Peter what they mea...

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So the other day I said to me wife - you know seems like these days we only have Social Security sex."

She gives me a strange look - "Social Security sex?"

I said "Yeah, you know, I get a little each month, but not enough to live on.

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Two Irishmen are drinking at a bar in Dublin.

One goes up to the other and says “Excuse me, but you look familiar. Do you live here in Dublin?”

“That I do” replies the other man “all my life”.

“So do I!” Said the first man. “Let’s drink a round to Dublin!” After finishing their Guinness, the first man says “Maybe I remember you f...

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Money or Sex

A woman preparing to leave her husband casually informs him, ‟I am going to become a hooker.I can make $400 for what I give you for free..”

‟I am coming with you,” the man replies.‟I wanna see you live on $800 a year.”

A Bridge from the US to Europe

A man is walking along the beach when he accidentally kicks a bottle. The bottle opens, and a genie appears.

“Thank you for freeing me!” The genie exclaims. “I’ve been waiting 2,000 years for this moment! I am a genie, and will grant you one wish.”

The man doubtfully looks the genie up...

Khloe Kardashian got Covid

I suppose the scientists were right, the virus can live on plastic.

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