Why do people who live on dead end roads have trouble charging their phones?

Because there’s no outlet

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Mr. & Mrs. Johnson live on a farm by themselves. One day, an Alien spaceship lands in front of their house.

As the Johnsons go to investigate, the ship’s doors open and two aliens that look similar to humans walk out. Speaking perfect English, the aliens make a proposition to the Johnsons to trade partners for the night to understand human sexual behavior. The Johnsons, curious of what the experience woul...

Why does python live on land?

Because it’s above C-level.

In college, I used to live on a houseboat, and started dating the girl next door.

Eventually we drifted apart.

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Two horses live on a farm.

Their names are Harry and Larry. Harry and Larry are best friends. They do everything together, they eat together, play together, sleep together...

One day, while Harry and Larry were grazing in the fields, Larry said to Harry, “Harry, I think it’s time we figure out who the Alpha Horse on th...

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A man and his wife, who live on the beach, decide they want to have sea snails for dinner

The man is sent off to go and get some fresh from the beach. While he is collecting them, a gorgeous woman who is jogging along the beach stops and starts flirting with him. After chatting for a bit, he ends up going back to her place for a marathon of sex and completely loses track of time.
...

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Little Johnny and his sister come down to breakfast. Since they live on a farm, his mother asks if they had done their chores.

"Not yet," said Little Johnny.

His mother tells him no breakfast until he does his chores. Well, he's a little pissed off, so he goes to feed the chickens, and he kicks a chicken.

He goes to feed the cows, and he kicks a cow. He goes to feed the pigs and he kicks a pig. He goes back ...

A father has two sons named Joe and Mikey and the live on the third floor of their apartment.

One day the father goes to store, but leaves the key to his car in the apartment. He see's Joe in the window and shouts to him, "throw my key out the window!"

Sadly, Mikey didn't survive the fall

What do you call Rats that live on a star?

Palindrome.

Mike and his pregnant wife live on a farm in a rural area in the west of England. No running water, no electricity, etc. One night, Mikes' wife is beginning to deliver the baby

The local doctor is there in attendance. "What d'ya want me to do, Doctor?" "Hold the lantern, Mike. Here it comes!" the doctor delivers the child and holds it up for the proud father to see.
"Mike, you're the proud father of a fine strapping boy." "Saints be praised, I..." Before Mike can fini...

I said to my parents, "Mom, dad... I've decided to live on my own from now on."

"Okay, that's fine." they replied.

I added, "Your luggage is outside."

Write a wise saying and your name will live on.

----Anonymous

Why did the cannibal live on his own?

He was fed up with other people.

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NASA Scientists say its possible to live on Mars.

Bullshit, I tried it and now I'm 15Kg heavier and diabetic

Statistics show that vegetarians live on average ten years longer than meat eaters

Ten long miserable years

Anti vaxx jokes allow dead baby jokes to live on.

Unlike the non vaccinated kids.

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A British man moved abroad to live on a ranch in Australia

He had been over there for a few weeks on his own before he started to feel quite lonely. Peering out of his window he couldn't see a single soul for miles around, just a single dirt road creeping through the rolling landscape.

One day the telephone rang, he answered
"Hello?" he said sheep...

Where would Superman's family live on a vacation?

Host - EL

We used to live on a very busy main road.

But after our 4th child got run over, we decided to move in to a house.

I'm starting a charity for PhD students so they can finally afford to live on their own without the need for roommates...

It's called "Doctors without Boarders."

What do you call two dentists that live on the opposite side of the world?

Molar opposites

Can a Frenchman live on an island?

'course 'e can!

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Two men and one women survive a plane crash and find an island to live on

There is plenty of food and water, and after a day they are able to build a suitable shelter. The days go by followed by weeks. After a few weeks of their day to day routine, they can no longer hold back their urges.

The can no longer contain these animal urges and begin to fuck. After a few ...

Stephen Fry broke a world record when he read the entire Harry Potter series live on BBC Radio 4.

Listeners were disappointed that he didn't read it out loud...

Told by a 5 year old boy live on local radio: Why did Mr humpty dumpy push Mrs humpty dumpy off the wall?

.....So he could see her crack....

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I live on the edge.....

Because my ass is to fat to fit on the seat

Why do we live on a giant rock, but ruled by money?

Because paper beats rock.

What makes it impossible for cats to live on Mars?

Curiosity

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LIVE ON RADIO [long]

Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this.

The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called 'Mate Match'. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers 'yes', he or...

What kind of street to ghosts, goblins and ghouls live on?

A Dead End.

I don't want to live on in the hearts of my countrymen,

I want to live on in my apartment.

What street in France do reindeer live on?

Rue Dolph

Why do women live on average two years longer?

Because the time they spend parking doesn’t count.

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Three men die and are standing in line at the pearly gates.

St. Peter tells them that the rules have changed, and they can only be let in to heaven now if they have had a really bad death. He then proceeds to get their stories one at a time.

The first man explains. "I live on the 25th floor of my apartment building. I came home from work early today, ...

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A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase. (NSFW)

A man walks into his bedroom and sees his wife packing a suitcase.

He asks, “What are you doing?”

She answers, “I’m moving to London. I heard prostitutes there get paid £400 for doing what I do for you for free.”

Later that night, on her way out, the wife walks into the bedroom ...

It's a very busy day in heaven, so God tells the angel at the gate to only allow people in who've had a terrible last day on earth.

The angel calls the first guy up, and asks him how his last day on earth was. "Horrible! My last day on earth was the worst in my life! I came home from work early, because I was suspecting that my wife was cheating on me, and when I went into my house I saw her naked in bed! I checked all the cupbo...

3 Guys are waiting in line to enter heaven

Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so St. Peter had to tell the first guy, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

The first man replies: "Well, for a while I've sus...

A Man Comes Home From Work...

... to find his wife sitting on the porch with all of her bags packed and sitting around her. He gets out of the car and makes his way to the porch.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm going to Vegas where I can make $100 for what I give you for free!"

He thinks a second, nods h...

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