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Little John Jokes

Little John wonders...

Little John, 8 years old, looks down his pants and asks his dad: 'Dad, how much does my soldier weigh?'. His dad, a medical docter replies: 'about 150 grams I think.'

A bit later, John asks his dad: 'Dad, how much does your soldier weigh?'. He replies: 'hmm, must be 350 grams I think.'
...

Little John

Little John will have visits in her home. So, the mother tell him:
-"Little John, this night we will receive visits. Please, whatever it happens you don't do nothing and try not to talk. She is my boss and bring her son who don't have any ears!!!"

LJ- "don't worry old lady!"

M-"WHAT...

Little John asks mom:

"Can I get cookies?". "Yes you can, but you must wash your hands" - says mom. "Mom! But I don't have hands!". "There will be no cookies then!" - politely says mum.

Little John is walking at the mall with his grandma.

He sees a coin of 1 euro. He asks his grandma: can I pick that up?
His grandma answers: no, no, everything that’s on the ground is dirty.

They walk further and he sees a note of 5 euro. He asks his grandma: can I pick that up?
His grandma answers: no, no, everything that’s on the gro...

Little John and Tim were playing in the yard...

Little John and Tim were playing in the yard, when they accidentally sent the ball to the neighbors yard. Tim went there to fetch it, but after a while, he came running with eyes closed tightly.

John: Hey, what happened?

Tim: Mrs. Richards is sunbathing there, naked.

John: Yah,...

Little John

Little Johnny was sitting in his second grade class when he looked out the window and saw two dogs screwing in the school yard. He jumped up and hollered, "Hey, everyone look at that" The teacher ran to the window and pulled the blind.

A little girl in the front row said, "Teacher, what was t...

The math teacher asks little john

"If you have 5 apples and James takes 3 from you, what will you have ? "

little john : a fight sir !

Little John: Mom, yesterday while you were at work dad was making out with the maid..

Mom: Wait! Let your dad come back and then tell.
Later that evening...
Mom: Johnny you were telling me something..?
John: yes mom so dad was making out with the maid but he did not make her a horse like uncle Bob made you.

What did little John Cena say to his primary school teacher when she gave him his report card?

You can't C me!

Teacher: "Anyone who thinks he's stupid may stand up!"

Nobody stands up

Teacher: "I'm sure there are some stupid students over here!!"

Little John stands up

Teacher: "Ohh, John you think you're stupid?"

Little John: "No... i just feel bad that you're standing alone..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Robin Hood was dying

Robin Hood was dying. He had lived a great many years, and now he was old, grey, and bedridden. He put out messages for all his friends to see him; and so at the appointed hour, Maid Marian, Little John, Friar Tuck, and the rest of the Merry Men gathered in his bedchamber.

"Maid Marian, my l...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Johnny's teacher held a contest one Friday in school.

"Class, I'm going to give you a famous quotation, and if you can tell me who said it, I'll give you the day off on Monday.

"The first one is, 'Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.' Who said that one?"

Little Johnny's hand shoots up immediately...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest asks John if he's scared of Satan.

Little John says:

"I have nothing to be scared of, you are the one that must be scared; you talk crap about him every Sunday..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bar

A man walks into a bar and buys a drink.

He notices a large glass container filled with money and asks the bartender:

“What is that glass container for?”

The bartender replies:

“We have a game here in this bar that no one has ever beat. To play you must pay $50.”

T...

A first grade teacher was giving a cookie to each student who spelt a word right

"Well little John" she said. "Can you spell Pig?"

"P-I-G" John said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher said. She then went to the next student.

"Hi little Susan" she said. "Can you spell Cow?"

"C-O-W" Susan said. "Very well. Here's your cookie!" the teacher s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

"Good evening bitches and bastards" NSFW

Little John Tidswallow often heard his parents arguing with each other in the lead up to Thanksgiving. 'Bitch!' his father would say, 'Bastard' was the reply from his mother. "What does bitch and bastard mean?" John asked his parents.
Bitch just means a woman, John. And bastard is another word f...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Surprising the Cows

One evening, as Uncle John and his wife are entertaining guests with cocktails, they are interrupted by little Johnny who has run in out of breath to shout, “Uncle John! Come quick! The bull is f***ing the cow!”

Uncle John, highly embarrassed, takes young little Johnny aside and explains tha...

Little Johnny is in class the day before summer break

Teacher: Alright class I’m going to ask a question and if you get it right you can go home early.
The first question is, what president is on the penny?

Little Johnny raises his hand

Teacher: Ummm Juanita go ahead

Juanita: Abraham Lincoln!

Teacher: Alright Juanita you...

from a movie...

so a man and and a woman are making love, when their young boy walks in. upon seeing his parents, he cries and runs to his room. the father says "i'll handle this". he walks to the boys room and finds little john on top of grandma, just giving her the business, going up and down, up and down. then t...

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