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Insignificant Jokes

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are on a camping trip

After a hearty meal and a good bottle of wine, they lay down to sleep.
Suddenly, in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes his trusted companion and asks "Watson, what do you see?" Rubbing his sleepy eyes, Watson answers: "I see millions and millions of stars."
"Correct, Watson, and what do...

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Q: If a man's signature is called a John Hancock, what do you call a woman's?

A: Historically insignificant.

Three people die and appear before Buddha

Stunned by the divine presence before them, they lower their heads.

-Raise your heads. You were humble in life and your deeds were praiseworthy. You have earned the right to a reincarnation of your choice. You have much to accomplish yet though.

One of the people takes a step forward a...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.

After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?"
...

a programmer and astronaut walk into a bar

Astronaut: we are just tiny dots in this vast universe. What we do is insignificant. Why should we even do anything ? What's the point ?

Programmer: I should stop making these simulations so real.

You matter.

Sorry, meant to say you *are* matter. An exceedingly insignificant bit of it.

Sherlock and Watson go camping After a nice fire, roasting s'mores, and talking for a few hours, they finally crawl into their tent and go to sleep

In the middle of the night, Sherlock shakes Watson awake. "Tell me Watson" he said "What can you deduce by looking at the stars?"



Watson, slightly puzzled, said "Well, I can deduce by the number of them that the universe must be incredibly vast, and contain billions of stars. Likely...

A z-score of 1.9 walked into a bar

The bartender says, “Why so down today?”


The score replies, “I’m feeling so insignificant.”

A group of people are travelling and see a zebra which is completely white

The buisnessman says: Look! The zebra here are white!

The biologist says: That may not be true, but its an important discovery nonetheless

The statistician says: This zebra is insignificant, only one is known to exist

The mathematician says: Actually we only know that this zebra...

An engineer and a mathematician....

An engineer, and a mathematician are in a room with a beautiful blonde woman who is completely naked and laying seductively on a bed.

The woman says "you can approach me once per minute, but only covering half the distance between us each minute."

The mathematician gets angry and say "...

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Joe Rogan Jokes

I adore what Joe Rogan has done for the DMT community and long-form interviews on his awesome podcast.

But when he uses his not-insignificant talents to do retread homosexual jokes and stolen sound effects (RIP Sam Kinison) for a mostly male heterosexual audience, one cannot help but wonde...

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Bob had one hand and was depressed.....

Bob felt inadequate because he was missing a limb. He always felt incomplete and insignificant.

One day his friend, Fred, took him to a park and they noticed a person with no arms dancing around like crazy.

Fred shamed Bob regarding his outlook on life and said he should be more like t...

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A young man walks into a lamp post

"Ouch!" the lamp post shrieked. "that was hella painful"

Appalled by what he heard, the young man went all crazy and started running down the streets, where he saw road crossing chickens, stupid blondes, fatherless black kids and an insane number of lawyers, engineers, priests, scientists, do...

Sherlock Holmes and Watson go Camping

They spend the day tracking small animals, fishing, and having a grand time by the shores of a remote lake, before cooking up their dinner and settling into their beds and drifting off to sleep.

Sometime after midnight, Holmes wakes up feeling insightful.
He wakes Watson up.

"Watson...

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".

Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".

Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"

Watso...

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A frog walks into a bank...

...and walks up to the teller, Pat E. Black.

"I'd like to take out a loan"

Pat asks the frog, "What do you have for collateral?"

The frog reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small insignificant trinket. "This is all I have"

Pat laughs. "We can't take that."

Th...

Sherlock Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip...

and in the middle of the night, Sherlock nudges Watson awake. He says "Watson, look up, and tell me what you see."

Watson says "well, I see the stars, and that makes me think about our place in the universe. In the face of such cosmic vastness, aren't we really just insignificant? And what o...

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So there was this wasp who lives in a jungle. (long)

So there once was this wasp that lived in a jungle. This was not your ordinary wasp though-he was smart, philosophical even. One day he finally got fed up with his repetitive, insignificant life and decided that he would leave his hive, his family, his entire close-knit wasp community and he would g...

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Satan's Test

A rapist, thief, and murderer are standing in front of Satan as he sits on his throne.

"I've summoned you three here because I was feeling a bit kind today. I'll give each of you a chance to leave Hell. All you have to do is pass my test," Satan says. Of course, he designed his test such that...

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A pants-shitting offer from the afterlife

Saint Peter was right outside heaven's gate, sitting on his little wooden desk. In front of him, there was a queue of freshly arrived souls waiting to be approved into heaven.

Saint Peter saw a man on the queue who was particularly upset; grunting and throwing fist on the air. When he got to ...

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Sherlock and Watson go camping... (reposted from the intelligent jokes thread)

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are camping in the woods one night during an investigation. As they lay out under the stars, Holmes asks Dr. Watson a question...

"Watson!" Holmes said imperiously. "Look at the stars and tell me what you can deduce." Watson sighed, recognizing one of Holmes' fr...

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