Not to brag, but I’m fluent in 10 languages.

English and Binary.

What do you call someone who is fluent in 3 languages and marginally conversant in 4th?

Pi-Lingual.

I must be fluent in poltergeist

Because my love language is, getting ghosted

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Another parrot joke

Man wants to buy an exotic pet, so he goes into a pet shop and asks for the most unique animal they have. The shop owner takes him to see a seemingly ordinary parrot.

He's skeptical "what's so special about this parrot?"

The shop owner says "he can't fly, but if you pull his right leg,...

Believe it or not i can actually speak fluent French

I surrender!

An old man sat studying on a bench near the Kremlin

A KGB agent walking by looked at him suspiciously
but passed by
But an hour and 2 more times passing later the agent asked "Why are u sitting here so long and what are u doing?
Old man replied "I am an old man and Don't expect to live much longer. I want to go to heaven and as u know they s...

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A tale of two friends !!

One was a very bright student while the other one was quite dumb. The brighter one always helped the other passing exams be it a class test or end term exams. The teachers were quite furious with them and at last, called upon a meeting to discuss with the principal what could be done. All came to th...

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Tom and Yuu's love story

Tom Wake and Yuu Watanabe met in Japan while Tom was on a business trip. Ironically, Tom didn't want to take the job, but he was the only one fluent in Japanese, so he reluctantly went on the trip. Usually, deals like these took place over video conferences, but the company's client insisted on meet...

Job Interview

"It says here you are fluent in Spanish."

"Oui, Oui."

"Ok, that's french."

"Better add that to my resume as well."

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Dysfunctional Parrot

Jim goes to the pet store, looking to buy a parrot. They’re all pretty expensive except one, which is $20. He asks, “Hm what’s wrong with you?” To his surprise the parrot responds, “Well, I’m a dysfunctional parrot. I have no legs and I can’t fly. But I AM a great companion! I’m fluent in three lang...

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A man walks into a bar in Vegas.

He has a parrot with him. This parrot is wholly remarkable; it is fluent in Spanish, French and English. So, being a betting man- they're all betting men down in Vegas -he goes up to the bartender and tells him, "I'll bet you this here bird can speak Spanish."

The bartender knows this type, a...

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Two Soldiers Walk Into A Bar...

It’s the height of the Vietnam War, and deep in the jungles U.S. Army Privates Chip and Dan have just been promoted to Sergeants.

Now Chip hasn’t always been the brightest bulb, and he’s been known to need some time to process big changes.

As Chip and Dan are doing their rounds one aft...

Little Johnny was a notoriously bad speller

He would always misspell words and just write them the way they sounded to a young child's ear. This was particularly embarrassing to his father, whose boss would always brag how clever his own son, Pete was.


One evening, the boss visited Little Johnny's house for dinner, bringing litt...

When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

The CIA wanted to send a spy to the Soviet Union

and the spy that was selected had incredible qualifications. He was fluent in Russian, had perfect Cyrillic handwriting, had a vast knowledge of Soviet culture and mannerisms, could cook typical Soviet meals, and could keep up his act with a belly full of vodka.

The mission was long-term infi...

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A bartender is having a quiet night at the bar

A bartender is having a quiet night at the bar when notices a gorilla walking in. The bartender dashes towards the manager’s office in a shocked expression.

“Sir, uh, we have a gorilla in the bar,” says the bartender.

“Well son, go ask what they want,” says the manager.

The bar...

The wrong language

I tried to explain to a client why I couldn’t help him with a project that was written in a program code that I didn’t know.

“Let’s say you’re asking me to write something in a specific language. Now, I’m fluent in English and Spanish, but your project is in Chinese. Since I don’t understand ...

German spies during world war two.

So my dad told me it a few years back and I still like it.
That's how it goes:

During world war II the Germans trained these super duper mega ultra spies.
They could speak fluent English, fluent French and fluent Russian.
Knew the history of every said enemy country.
Knew how t...

It was surprisingly easy to get a job at the zoo as a computer scientist

Probably because I am fluent in Python

CIA Agent arrested in Russia

A CIA agent is arrested in Moscow and charged with spying. The agent is fluent in Russian and has had years of specialised training on how to blend in with the Russian people. he's the perfect sleeper agent.
Down in the darkest dungeons beneath Kremlin the Russian Secret Service (FSS) begin thei...

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Americans spy in Soviet Union

1960's. CIA decided to send the most advanced spy into Soviet Union. They trained him for 15 years in how Soviets Lived, 10 years in Russian, so he was completely fluent, another 5 years in Russian customs traditions. According to everyone in CIA, this guy was UNDETECTABLE. After US president wishes...

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After being shipwrecked, Joe washed up on a tropical island...

The modernized local tribe soon found him, fed and clothed him, then took him to their chief. Conversing in fluent English, Joe and the chief took a liking to one another, and the chief soon offered Joe his beautiful daughter's hand in marriage. Having just been shipwrecked and being a shy virgin,...

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The handicapped parrot

Danny walks into a pet store looking for a bird. After a half hour of fruitless searching, he hears a voice call out to him "Hey mister, I see you've been looking for a bird eh?" Danny turns around and to his surprise, he sees it was a parrot hailing him. Danny says "You can talk?" The parrot says "...

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A drunk woman stumbles into a bar...

She sits down, and says to the bartender, "Beertender! Gimme a drooble martuni, and put a pickle in it."

The bartender, quite fluent in drunkese, pours her a double martini, drops in an olive, and slides it over to woman. She lights up a cigarette, slams the martini, and takes another drag ...

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A man suspects his wife is having an affair ...

With the milkman. So one day he was walking down main street when he saw a pet store and thought to himself : "This is the solution to my problem".

He enteres the pet store and asks the guy working there: "Do you have any parrots?" And the guy at the store replied: "We have one parrot left, ...

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