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Judged Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An arrogant man who often judged others for the slightest misdeeds dies and finds himself waiting in heaven to be judged by god...

A man finds himself in a line to see "God". He can hear the conversations God has with each person as they reach the front of the line. Apparently the Lord is using a particular method to expedite coming up with proper punishments.

"No one knows your sins better than you my child, thus you sh...

In other places, a suitable partner is judged on a 1-10 hotness scale.

In Alabama, they use relative humidity.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There should be an emergency room just for embarrassing injuries so you don't have to feel judged. Just Genitals and Buttholes.

Call it the Pee/Nut/Butt ER

Did you hear that The Beatles once judged a singing competition?

They were the Hey-Judeicators.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two 9/11 conspiracy theorists are in a plane when it crashes

An instant later they find themselves in the afterlife, being judged by Almighty God Himself.

One falls to his knees, "I deplore you, all-powerful Creator of the universe! Before you judge me, I humbly beg you, reveal who was behind the September 11 attacks!"

God sighs. "Muslim extremi...

Two comedians were having a judged competition for telling original knock, knock jokes.

They were both disqualified as the whole competition was essentially a knock off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the afterlife, Dictators are lining up in heavens gate to be judged

St. Peter: Ok Stalin, you're next!

Stalin: It's ok Hitler, you can go first!

(After Hitler)

St. Peter: ok,next!

Stalin: Go ahead Saddam!

( after Saddam )

St. Peter: ok,next!

Stalin: Go ahead Marcos!

St. Peter: what's wrong with him?

Mar...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Hitler is judged harshly by history, but let's not ignore the heroic acts he performed, like....

He killed Hitler

All the adults judged me because I jumped into the ball pit at the children's activity centre...

It's like they'd never seen a naked man before

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Two Conspiracy Theorists Die...

...as they stand before God waiting to be judged, God tells them that they each may ask him one question they have always wanted to be answered and he would answer it.

One of the conspiracy theorists steps forward and asks “who was REALLY behind 9/11?”

Before God can answer, the seco...

A politician dies. Instead of going straight to heaven or hell, a spirit appears to him.

The spirit tells him that, rather than being judged for his sins, he gets to choose whether he goes to heaven or hell.

The politician replies that of course he wants to go to heaven. The spirit tells him that before he chooses, he has to visit both places so each one will get a fair chance.<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Adolf Hitler has been judged very harshly by history however..

he did kill Hitler.
NB: stolen from Jimmy Carr

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When I was getting my sentence, the judged asked me ”How does 5 to 10 years sound?”

I really shouldn’t have responded ”Sexy as fuck”

To take her mind off being mistakenly judged Miss Universe,Miss Columbia went to get her teeth whitened..

The Dentist told her she needs a crown.

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