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Supreme Court Jokes

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

The year is 2020 and the United States has just elected the first woman, from Alabama , as president.

A few days after the election the president-elect calls her father and says,

'So, Daddy, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?'

'I don't think so. It's a 16 hour driv...

Brett Kavanaugh has stated that he will not be pressured into withdrawing his Supreme Court bid by the allegations made against him.

He sounds like the kind of guy who just won't take 'no' for an answer.

Six Supreme Court justices, floating face-down in a river

All 6 conservative members of the SCOTUS got stranded in the woods with only a giant suitcase and a couple of paddles. Then they came to a raging river- it was fast-moving, wide and rocky but only waist deep. They began to bicker over how to get across. Kavanaugh, Thomas, and Gorsuch said "We are st...

Picking a Supreme Court Justice is a lot like crossing a river...

It all comes down to Roe v Wade

Breaking News: Supreme court has ruled that basic intelligence tests for Election voting is Discriminatory.

The judge said that it is unfair to block all Republicans from voting.

Now that the US Supreme Court has crippled the EPA's ability to fight climate change, I'm going to buy myself some beachfront property ...

... in Utah.

How conservative will Amy Coney Barrett's decisions be as a Supreme Court Justice?

I don't know, ask her husband.

Did you hear about that decision the Supreme Court handed down without Justice Ginsburg?

It was ruthless.

Why can't you go see the US Supreme Court?

It's already sold out

A District Court judge, a Circuit Court judge, and a Supreme Court justice are sitting at a bar

The District Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way I read it."

The Circuit Court judge says, "I interpret the Constitution the way it's written."

The Supreme Court justice says, "The Constitution isn't anything, until I interpret it."

(original joke was three u...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Mexico sends their rapists to the United States, where does the United States send theirs?

To the Supreme Court.

The Lawyer

Satan appears before a lawyer and says, "I will make a deal with you. You will become the most successful attorney who has ever lived. You will be rich beyond imagination, and known to everyone on the planet. You will be appointed to the Supreme Court, and your rulings will be read and studied for d...

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The Supreme Court ruled there cannot be a Nativity Scene on Capitol Hill.

This isn't for any religious reason. They just haven’t been able to find Three Wise Men in DC. A search for a virgin was also fruitless. There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable.

Rumor has it there's a basketball court on the roof of the Supreme Court building.

It's the highest court in the land.

The first female president is being sworn in.

Her Jewish mother is sitting in the second row next to a Supreme Court Justice, watching. The judge leans over and says, "Madam, you must be VERY proud."

The mother says, "Well, you see that girl with her hand on the Bible? Her brother's a doctor."

What is the difference between Yes and No?

Don’t worry, the Supreme Court doesn’t know either.

Did you hear the Supreme Court just struck down a law declaring ketchup to be the best condiment?

They say it doesn’t pass mustard.

Supreme Court

Is just regular court with sour cream and tomatoes.

If “pro” is the opposite of “con”…

Then by that logic, the opposite of progress is ~~Congress~~ the Supreme Court.

President's Aide: "Mr. Trump, the dry cleaners called and wanted to let you know...

You left two supreme court justices in your pocket when you dropped your suit off."

Supreme Court

Hillary Clinton rang Donald Trump and said that a female Supreme Court Justice has just died and I would like to replace her,Trump replied that’s alright by me but I will have to ring the Funeral Home to make the arrangements

The US Supreme Court has changed dramatically since Justice Ginsberg passed away.

It has become Ruth less.

TIL Supreme Court judge kidnapped by cannibals in the Caribbean!

Justice was served.

The Supreme Court has been making some rash decisions lately…

One could almost say they’ve been acting Ruth-lessly.

Ever since Bader Ginsburg died…

… The American Supreme Court has been Ruthless.

What was the Supreme Court ruling on constipation?

It’s unconstitutional.

Is it just me, or is the US Supreme Court getting increasingly brutal?

Ruthless, even.

Another good thing to come out of the Supreme Court forcing Trump to disclose his taxes

We're gonna finally learn if having teenage hookers pee on your face is claimed as entertainment expense or medical.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Three buddies from high school take a trip to Mexico...

Each of the men has spent their lives productively, and are each at the top of their respective fields, and they've kept in touch over the years. They decide that, to celebrate their twentieth high school graduation anniversary, they're going to go down to Mexico City together and generally live it ...

What's the difference between a woman and a government-owned gestation vat?

This morning's Supreme Court decision.

In the Supreme Court of Composition...

"Your honor, this man has - with malice aforethought - clearly, wantonly, and remorselessly copied my newest song's Time Signature.


You might call this a clear-cut-case of Four-Forgery."

An American student was studying Russian government

An American student was studying Russian government.

Hoping to understand another country’s government in familiar terms, he asked his teacher, “Is the Kremlin more like the White House, the Capitol, the Pentagon, or the Supreme Court?”

The teacher replied, “Yes.”

God is in an argument with Jehovah...

about which one of their faiths is the true one.

"That's it, I've had it with this! I am taking the matter to the supreme court." he said

"I'd like to see you try." said Jehovah. "I have witnesses."

US Supreme Court Justice Ginsburg died.

Clearly now people will see the court as completely Ruth-less.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference in the KKK and the Supreme Court?

The KKK dresses in white and scares the hell out of black people,
the Supreme Court dresses in black and scares the hell out of white people.

A big shot wannnabe named Joe

grew up in a small village just off the capital city of a small island and then went away to attend college and law school. He came back to his home town because he felt he could be a Big Shot at home. He really wanted to impress everyone. So he returned and opened his new law office on the main str...

Probably done before: What's a pirate's LEAST favourite letter?

Dear Mr Redbeard,

It has come to our attention that you have been illegally duplicating and reselling copywrited movies without permission.

As such, and utilising the full jurisdiction of the Federal Communications Authority, you are subpoenaed to appear before the Federal Supreme Cour...

yesterday, Judge Thompson issued the longest sentence in the Supreme Court's history,

needless to say, it was run-on.

Where did the pizza and tennis racquet get married?

At the supreme court

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Election was tied....

The US Presidential election of 2016 had been over for weeks. Every single ballot had been counted and tabulated, the Electoral College had cast their votes, and after every avenue had been exhausted, it was unequivocally a dead heat. Both Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton turned to the Supreme Court...

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When I was growing up, I went to school with a boy named Justin Reimer.

Now, Justin's father was a Supreme Court Justice, and like father like son, Justin was the head of every political club in our school. Graduation came, he was accepted into Harvard's School of Law (to no one's surprise), and that was the last I saw of him. Or so I thought...

Twenty years late...

Donald Trump better not remove Justice Ginsberg from the supreme court.

that would be ruthless

Eight of the Supreme Court justices, except for Ginsburg, went out on a killing spree, executing everyone they came across.....

... they were Ruthless

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the supreme court justice who was caught stealing the scraps from restaurant booths?

Police identified her as Booth Raider Ginsburg.

What Supreme Court decision applies to fishermen bringing a small boat to shore?

Row v. Wade

A right-wing law firm is trying to overturn Roe v Wade.

They find their test plaintiff, a man whose daughter had gotten an abortion after he forbade it. The firm sues the doctors, and the appeals go all the way to the Supreme Court, exactly as intended. The Court even agrees to hear the case ... only to uphold Roe v Wade, 5 - 4.

All in all, it w...

Where do douchebags settle their dispute?

The Supreme court

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