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Sniffles Jokes

Two women go to a hospital for tests.

One of them is worried she might be pregnant, and the other one has the sniffles. They get tested, but their results get switched. The woman with the sniffles receives the result saying that she's pregnant.

"Dammit!!" she exclaims, "You can't even trust vegetables anymore!"

A 5 year old boy asked his dad...

A 5 year old boy asked his dad - "Daddy.. what are those bumps on mommy's chest?"

The father, a bit uncomfortable at the question, decided his son was too young to learn about female anatomy.

"Those are mommy's balloons, son", said the father. "And when she dies, they'll float her up t...

Stalin is planning a visit to a Soviet preschool

In preparing, all of the children are taught to say that all of the best things in the world are available in the Soviet Union.

So, Stalin with his officials and his bodyguards arrives at the school, and he starts talking to the kids and asking them questions:

Firstly, he asks young Al...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I've never been fucked.

A lady with no arms or legs was sitting on the beach looking into the sunset sobbing. As a lone man was walking by with his dog he noticed the lady crying and decided to go over and ask if everything was alright.

Man: Excuse me ma’am is everything ok?
Lady: No. (sniffles) Not really.
M...

Toilet training

Little Johnny has just been toilet trained and decides to use the big toilet like his daddy…

He pushes up the seat and balances his little pen!s on the rim.

Just then the toilet seat slams down and little Johnny lets out a scream.

His mother comes running to find Johnny hopping ...

Two men are fishing on a lake

Two men are fishing on a lake when they see a funeral procession passing on a nearby road. One of the men stands up, removes his hat, and bows his head.
"That was a very decent thing to do," says the second man.
"Well," sniffles the first, "we were married for 20 years after all."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into an elevator...

There is a lone woman in there. After he presses his floor and the elevator door closes, he sniffles, leans in to the woman and asks; "Ma'am, can I smell your pussy?"

She violently turns to him and exclaims, "You sir, most certainly can NOT!!!

He replies, "Ah, it must be your armpi...

The Ob_GYN office

3 heavily pregnant women are waiting for their appointment

a brunette, a redhead, and a blond

the brunette pipes up " I was on top so I'm going to have a boy!"

the redhead then says " Well I was on the bottom so obviously mine will be a girl."

the blond starts crying
...

Why did you die?

So a man named John is in the cemetery, just like every Sunday, visiting his wife.

But this day was different than the others. Today a man was on his hands and knees weeping and shouting, "Why did you die? Why did you die?"

Well John feels sorry for the guy so he heads over and asks th...

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A man is sitting alone in a bar

A man is sitting alone in a bar staring at a drink. In walks a surly, tatted up biker. He sees the man sitting alone, walk over, picks up the man’s drink and downs it in one go. He then looks at the man and says, “What are ya gonna do about it, huh?”

The man suddenly starts to break down cry...

So a woman is being held hostage...

There's a man robbing her as she's tied to a chair in her livingroom with a blindfold on. He tells her to quietly count to 100 and proceeds to start looting her home.

As he's doing this he hears the woman behind him counting "one.....three....five....seven..". The man turns around and asks he...

"Scary Snack" - A joke told like a horror story

After just arriving to his new home, little 7 year old Johnny was so excited. He just couldn't wait to run inside, find his new room and start unpacking all of his toys.

The afternoon passes, dinner is eaten, and the majority of essentials are where they are needing to be. His parents help hi...

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A doctor and his wife were having lunch...

...and a beautiful young woman walks by and winks at the doctor suggestively. She cooes, "How's it goin', doc?" and walks away, hips swaying.

The wife, confused, asks, "Who was that, dear?"

The doctor took a sip of his wine and said casually, "That's my mistress Arielle."

The wi...

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A flea is sitting on a bench in Florida...

and he looks miserable. He has the sniffles, he's sneezing and has the chills. He has a blanket wrapped around him for warmth.
Just then a friend of his walks by and notices him sitting there all sick and dejected. The friend sits next to him.
"Liam! What's wrong? You look absolutely awful."<...

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