(Original corny joke) Why are Israelis so bad at poker?

Because they have so many Tels!

A man goes on vacation to Israel with his wife and his stepmother.

While in Israel, his stepmother died at the hotel.


The people there told him:


"Sir, if you want to bury her back in the United States, it's going to cost you $5,000 to bring back her corpse. But since she died at the hotel, we can do the funeral here in Israel for free. ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A journalist goes to Jerusalem to interview some Israelis

He sees one man in front of the western wall, praying.

The journalist goes to the man and asks “what are you praying for?”

The man goes “I’m praying for peace and prosperity in the Middle East”

The journalist says “and how’s that going for you?”

“It feels like I’m talking...

Two Israelis are sitting on the beach in Tel Aviv, reading.

One has got a quality newspaper, the other an antisemitic rag. "Why on earth are you reading that?" one asks. "I used to read a quality paper like you," the other sighs, "but I couldn't handle it any more – the rockets from Gaza and Hezbollah getting stronger every day and the Iranian nuclear progra...

Israelis and Palestinians are fighting a battle.

From the israeli side, a machine gun fires, “bang bang bang bang bang bang bang.”

From the Palestinian side, a rifle goes “bang bang”

This goes on for a bit until suddenly, the Palestinian side goes quiet.

A head pokes out of the Israeli foxhole. “Hey Muhammad! You run out of a...

Why are older Israelis More Prone to Identity Theft?

They still use Netanyahu.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch...

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and an Israeli are having lunch. They get to talking about which civilization was the most technologically advanced.

The Englishman proclaims, "Surely England was the most technologically advanced nation. Why, our archaeologists dug 1,000 meters into the earth un...

The Dog Fight

The Israeli Dog vs. The Arab Dog

  
The Israelis and Arabs realized that, if they continued fighting, they would someday end up destroying the whole world. So they decided to settle their dispute with an ancient practice: a duel of two, like David and Goliath. This "duel" would be a dog fi...

Robert Mugabe, an unpopular dictator from an African nation, visited Israel with his top government officials.

Unfortunately, he died during the visit. The Israelis offered to bury him in Israel for free, explaining that it will save money that can be used to help the poor people of his country. His entourage discussed the proposition and declined the offer saying that they'd rather bring back the remains of...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call Israelis that overly spray tan?

Orange Jews!

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.