Independent Jokes

They both act like they are independent and self sufficient but in reality are utterly dependent on a system they can neither appreciate nor understand.

Independent

David Cameron has said Scotland could become a third world country if they become independent.
I'm not sure if things will improve to that degree, but you never know

I think that may be they are Fat Toes intolerant.

Before the big night, his father tells him: "Tonight I want you to carry your wife in your arms to show her that the US is a strong nation.

Then I want you to throw her on the bed to show her that the US is a proud nation


And finally I want you to take of your clothes to show her ... read more

Said the Jamaican, showing me his initialised necklace.

“Well, I guess now you really are… independent".

At the bottom

So they called it IS REAL?

Wife: *nods*

Me: Yes, of course

So I shrunk her down and put her in my locket

I just put my second load of washing through the microwave.

so when Santa and his wife wanted to split up, they got a semicolon.

They're great for separating independent Clauses.

It Spain.

Three disabled guys (a blind man, an amputee, and a guy in a wheelchair) are flying back with the USA team from the Paralympic games in the Middle East when their plane crashes in the Sahara Desert. The three disabled guys (the only survivors) are now stranded and wait for someone to rescue them, bu... read more

Orange is the new black.

I have no idea how much money I would have, but it would definitely be more than a freelancer.

Will Smith’s Fresh Prints.

The three men included disagreed on all names brought up so far. Finally, they all decided to just say one letter that they could use to add together to make a name they all agreed on.

The first guy said "C, eh?"

The second guys went "N, eh?"

The last guy goes "D, eh?"

An... read more

A coincidance.

Psychiatrist: “You, undoubtedly will achieve great things in life. But sometimes you will not go in the way you want. Sometimes you will go wrong. Sometimes you will fail. Sometimes your plan won’t work. Sometimes your wishes will not be fulfilled. Then whom will you blame? Will you blame yourself?”... read more

He used a doll to prove his point.

He placed a crayon box filled with candles on the table in front of the child. He then asked the child what was in the box. Of course the child answered crayons.

Then the psychologist opened the box to show the child that the box contained not cray... read more

After encouragement from friends and family, they both joined the support group for people with colostomies ironically named The Semicolon. Due to the help and support they got, they ended up remarrying.

Two independent Clauses were able to be joined as a result of The Semicolon.

Cats are independent, they don’t listen, they don’t come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, and when they’re home they like to be left alone and sleep.

In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat.

An American, a Briton, and a North Korean look at a picture of Adam and Eve in the garden of Eden and try to figure out what nationality they are.

The American says, "Look at how free and independent they are, they must be Americans."

The Briton says, "What are you talking about, look... read more

It was two independent Clauses with nothing between them.

Whatever makes the van gogh..


-id like to mention, for what its worth, that this is an original joke (as stupid as it is), which i thought of independently. I was and am proud of it. If anyone finds it somewhere else please burst my bubble.

Here they meet the devil who gives them an option, either stand in the left row which grants them access to heaven.

Or stand in the right row where eternal torture awaits.

However, you can not stand in the left row if your wife was the boss in the relationship.

After a swift shu... read more

A friend of mine who was scared of flying and asked me one day: "What is the probability that
there will be a bomb on an airplane?" I responded that I really didn't know, but that it was certainly less than one in a million. So he asked: "Well, what is the probability that there are two bombs on ... read more

Independent

and says to the receptionist: "I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an Independent candidate."

The receptionist replied: "Certainly, sir. Please fill in this form.''

He was filling the form until he came to the question - ''Are you circumcised?'' So... read more

A woman moves to a retirement home. Her sons each decide to give her a nice gift as a token of their gratitude.

“I will buy a Ferrari for mom,” the oldest says, “at least half a million dollars worth, so she can enjoy a nice drive.”

“I'll buy her a luxurious villa with a downstairs sle... read more

She was independent

Independents Days

but they forget that their country is independent because some politicians didn't want to pay taxes.

The semicolon, it connects independent clauses

One day a man was bored and decided to see if he could trick people into thinking he was psychic.

He setup a booth on a busy street with a sign. "$1 to read your mind."



His first customer, a slightly chubby man, looked skeptical.

"Ok, tell me something about me."

... read more

...independent!"

An independent clause.

She would never accept help from her friends, and insisted on fighting her enemies alone, saying she didn’t want to rely on anyone else. Because of this, she lost a fight and was trapped forever in a crystal necklace.

Now she’s really independent.