Barack Obama walks into a bar, but he is invisible. After attracting the bartender’s attention, the bartender says "Ok, I'll bite. Why are you invisible?"

Obama says "Well, I found a bottle on the beach and...then I rubbed it." "And then...importantly...A genie came out." "The genie said I could have...3 wishes."

For my first wish, I said "Let me say this, and this is profoundly important...I want Michelle to marry me...I love her,...and I thin...

Lately I've been feeling a little invisible and have decided that to get noticed, I will have my legs removed and replaced with a horse's body...

...That way, wherever I go, I will be the centaur of attention.

My friends always ask me why I always stay invisible on Discord

I just reply that I love my GF and I always wanna be like her.

Apparently an invisible man is going to break into my house today

I just don't see that coming

I’ve never understood the idea of invisible planes.

I just can’t see them taking off.

The nurse tells the doctor that there’s an invisible man in the waiting room

The doctor replies:

-Tell him I can't see him right now

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Superman is out flying and sees wonder woman naked on a rooftop with her legs wide open and moaning in delight

He thinks to himself that as he is faster than a speeding bullet he can do his business with her and fly off before she knows it. He toys with the idea and decides to go for it. He swoops down fucks her with lightning thrusts and zooms off in a flash. The whole event lasts less than a second. As soo...

How did the doctor cure the invisible man?

He took him to the ICU

Why did the police officer refuse to try and catch the invisible thief?

Because he didn't think he could see it through.

Did you hear about the author who writes using invisible ink?

Here's a list of his books:

The Invisible Man married an invisible woman.

The kids were nothing to look at either.

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What's invisible and smells like carrots?

Rabbit Farts..

My 7 yr. old neice told me this the other day, and I bout lost my shit..lolol

A man walks into the doctor's office and tells the receptionist: "Help! I think I'm invisible!"

She replies: "Sorry, the doctor can't see you."

Invisible Cow

How can you make a cow invisible?


What's red and completely invisible?

No tomatoes.

Even if I were invisible

women would see me as a friend

Why is the Invisible Man the worst lawyer?

He can never appear in court.

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Superman was flying through New York Skyscappers

And all of a sudden he sees Wonder Woman on top of one of the SkyScappers sunbathing with her legs spread and he thinks.

Hey, I'm Superman, I'm very fast, I will go quick and fuck her and she won't even know what happened"

He goes, does the job really quick....Wonder Woman says "Wow, ...

What’s invisible and smells like worms?

A bird fart.

Lets face it English is a stupid language There is no egg in the eggplant No ham in the hamburger And neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England

French Fries Were Not Invented In France.

We Sometimes Take English For Granted

But If We Examine Its Paradoxes We Find That:

Quicksand Takes You Down Slowly

Boxing Rings Are Square

And A Guinea Pig Is Neither From Guinea Nor Is It A Pig.

If Writers Write, H...

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Me to my therapist: I feel like I'm invisible to people.

Therapist: Who said that?


Why is the word invisible visible when you spell it that way, but not when you spell it as

"Gravity: noun. 1. The invisible force that pulls objects to celestial bodies."

"That's very nice, Elphaba. But I said try _defying_ gravity."

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My friend just asked me, "If you became invisible, what would you do first?"

I said, "I'd go to Paris, find a performing street mime

and beat the shit out of him; the round of applause

he'd get would be astounding."

Why don't churches have wifi?

They don’t wanna compete with an invisible power that actually works.

what is invisible but clearly noticable

a failing relationship.

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Did you hear about the guy who turns invisible when he masturbates?

I never saw him coming

If I was invisible for the day

I’d kick a mime to death

When a woman is dating the Invisible Man,

can she really say she's seeing someone?

"Doctor, doctor, I'm invisible! You need to check me out, I need help!"

"Well I'm sorry but I can't see you right now, please come back some other time".

My friends always told me I'd never figure out how to be invisible.

If only they could see me now.

What's the invisible woman favorite font??


“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible”

“Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

Invisible man found dead in his apt.

Where do we draw the line?

The invisible man, the wolf man, and Dracula played poker.

They tried to get the mummy to play but he had no skin in the game.

The invisible man tried to bluff but people saw right through him.

Dracula ended up bleeding them dry, leaving the wolf man howling mad.

My mate has invented an invisible vehicle (OC)

I asked him 'What, like a car?'

'Not really' he replied 'It's more van-ish than that'

What do you call an invisible Star Wars droid?


I've done it... I've figured out how to turn invisible!

Hi! Do you have five minutes to help save the children?

A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his office and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist replied, “tell him I can’t see him.”

The Invisible Man has a warrant out for his arrest.

The charge is "Failure to appear".

Do you know where in the hospital the invisible man can't hide?

The I.C.U

If you were invisible...

You could have a perfectly normal relationship with a blind person.

My dad dressed up as The Invisible Man today

He's had the costume on for the last 20 years

Invisible calendars...

... that's something you don't see every day.

Yoda use to have the younglings put on white face paint and pretend to walk against the wind, be trapped in invisible boxes, you know...

Jedi mime tricks.

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What did the porn star say to her coworker, The Invisible Man?

"Well... I did not see that coming."

sorry if it's a repost, but I've never seen it and I gave myself a chuckle coming up with it.

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So the invisible man masturbated the other day

No one saw him coming.

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Superman was flying over metropolis and thought "Man, I am horny af."

Just then he saw Wonder Woman on top of a building getting a tan. Asshole naked with her legs spread wide open. Superman thought, " I can fly down there, get some of that Wonder pussy and fly away before she even knows." So he flies down, gets it in, gets off, and flies away. All in under a second. ...

Have you ever seen the invisible man?

Nah, but I’ve heard him!...

I dressed up as the invisible man today to school.

Nobody noticed.

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What do you call an invisible Mom with a penis?


The invisible man tried to sneak up behind me

But I saw right through him.

Scientists have discovered a way to make dolphins nearly invisible to the human eye.

I don’t really see the porpoise.

Why did the blond girl became the Invisible Woman?

Because she has to be dense enough for light to bend around her

after the invisible man had kids he became a cross dresser. You could say he was a...

trans parent

They say invisible ink is making a comeback

I can't see it happening

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I've decided to scrap my plans for the invisible scoreboard

I just don't see the point

What's the difference between an invisible boy and an invisible girl?

I don't know. I can't really see it.

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Superman is flying around the world, bored out of his mind, looking for some excitement...

As he zips past the beaches of Brazil, he looks down and sees Wonder Woman, completely naked, legs spread, laying on her back catching a tan.

At that moment, he thinks to himself how long it’s been since he last got laid. He then says to himself, “I’m Superman! I can fly down there in a split...

I went to buy an Invisible Man comic yesterday.

I couldn't see any.

The Invisible Man...

...was the real Alpha Male

Some people hear voices. Some see invisible people.

Others have no imagination whatsoever.

I ran into a salesman offering me a pencil with invisible lead.

I almost bought it, but I couldn't really see the point.

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I watched a porno version of The Invisible Man but I missed the climax.

Never saw him coming.

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