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Invisible Jokes

How did the doctor cure the invisible man?

He took him to the ICU

I now identify as invisible

Although I was born visible, I am now trans-parent. My pronouns are who/where

Barack Obama walks into a bar, but he is invisible.

After attracting the bartender’s attention, the bartender says "Ok, I'll bite. Why are you invisible?"

Barack says "Well, I found a bottle on the beach and...then I rubbed it." "And then...importantly...A genie came out." "The genie said I could have...3 wishes."

For my first wish, I ...

Yesterday, scientists discovered a species of lizard whose sperm is invisible.

They never saw it coming.

The Invisible Man has a warrant out for his arrest.

The charge is "Failure to appear".

My dad dressed up as The Invisible Man today

He's had the costume on for the last 20 years

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Superman is out flying and sees wonder woman naked on a rooftop with her legs wide open and moaning in delight

He thinks to himself that as he is faster than a speeding bullet he can do his business with her and fly off before she knows it. He toys with the idea and decides to go for it. He swoops down fucks her with lightning thrusts and zooms off in a flash. The whole event lasts less than a second. As soo...

I dreamed I was invisible and I married an invisible woman

I'm not sure what we saw in each other
 
 
 
 
Our kids were nothing to look at either

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Superman vs the invisible man

Superman is super horny, in need of a ride he phones super girl and asks if he can come round for some sex.

She turns him down and says she’s busy.

Superman sad and rejected decides to go for a flight and passes super girls apartment.

Super girl is lying in bed legs spread moan...

Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?

He couldn't see himself doing it.

What does the invisible man do when he is excited?

He comes out of nowhere!

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Superman had a huge crush on Wonder Woman...

He was always to scared to tell her, fearing it would ruin their work relationship. One day, he was using his X-ray vision to watch her in her apartment. He saw her put on music and start taking her clothes off. She sat down on her bed. She was getting in the romantic mood. She was squirming around,...

My kids began ignoring me so much that I feel invisible...

Now I identify as trans-parent.

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Ever heard the one about Superman, Wonder Woman and the Invisible Man?

Superman is flying around one day when he spots Wonder Woman laying on the beach butt naked. He thinks to himself "I'm faster than a speeding bullet, I could fly down there, take care of my business and be gone before she can blink an eye". So he swoops in, does his thing and disappears into the sky...

Yesterday, I drank a bottle of invisible ink.

I was in the hospital all night waiting to be seen

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Today I learned that the Invisible Man has been masturbating to me

It came out of nowhere…

Invisible...

A psychiatrist's secretary walked into his study and said, "There's a gentleman in the waiting room asking to see you. Claims he's invisible."

The psychiatrist responded, "Tell him I can't see him."

You come across three performing mimes. One is in an invisible box, one is cutting an invisible rope, and one is fighting an invisible man. Which one failed mime school?

The one who won't shut up about it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So the invisible man masturbated the other day

No one saw him coming.

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Superman is flying around, super horny.

He's flying over a building when he sees Batgirl on the roof, totally naked, legs spread, moaning, "Give it to me. Give it to me!"
Superman thinks he might get in trouble with Batman if he bangs Batgirl, but she's begging for it and he can just use his super speed to get the job done quick. So h...

He turned invisible!

Three friends are at the pub, telling stories to each other.

"... I swear Frank, I turned around and suddenly I couldn't see it anymore. It must have turned invisible. Invisible, I tell you."

" Or it just got away? Maybe it fell?"

"Invisible! INVISIBLE, I TELL YOU! It was as inv...

As a child, I always thought of my dad as a superhero

The Invisible Man

I was looking into buying an invisible jacket.

So I tried one on in the shop and it fit me great, but after checking how I looked in the mirror I decided against it.

I just couldn't *really* see myself wearing it.

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What's invisible and smells like carrots?

Rabbit Farts..

My 7 yr. old neice told me this the other day, and I bout lost my shit..lolol

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My friend just asked me, "If you became invisible, what would you do first?"

I said, "I'd go to Paris, find a performing street mime and beat the shit out of him; the round of applause he'd get would be astounding."

what do you call an invisible protocol droid?

C-through-PO

A man was sent to the hospital as he kept yelling that he is now invisible

They shifted him to ICU

What did the kid say when he saw the invisible man pee?

Urine visible!

The invisible man

Nurse: "Hey doctor, there's a guy out there who thinks he's invisible."

Doctor: "Tell him to wait, I can't see him right now."

My son today accidentally drank invisible ink.

I'm sat with him in the emergency room waiting to be seen.

Why don't churches have Wi-Fi?

They don't want to compete with an invisible power that actually works.

Edit: Alright I've got it lol, TIL churches have wi-fi

Edit 2: ok guys really I get it, churches have wif-fi, no need for every redditor to tell me, 200 is enough

Edit 3: I'm beginning to realise these edit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I told my therapist I feel like I'm invisible

My therapist replied, "who said that?"

What do you call an army of invisible people?

Notsees.

I was going to buy an invisible sword...

But I don't see the point.

My wife ran into the room suddenly and yelled: “Quick! Do you know of anything physical that gives off no smells? Zero. Sort of like an olfactory camouflage that would be utterly invisible to the nose?”

Confused, I thought for a moment, and then replied: “What you are describing makes absolutely no scents”

Why is the Invisible Man the worst lawyer?

He can never appear in court.

I’ve never understood the idea of invisible planes.

I just can’t see them taking off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You know what's fucked up about an invisible rapist?

You'll never see him coming

I’ve spent my whole life searching for an invisible dolphin.

But now I don’t see the porpoise.

If I was invisible for the day

I’d kick a mime to death

What do you call a parent-teacher conference where the teacher is invisible?

a transparent teacher conference.

Invisible

Why is the word invisible visible when you spell it that way, but not when you spell it as

Invisible calendars...

... that's something you don't see every day.

Why don't churches have WiFi?

They don't wanna compete with an invisible power that actually works.

When I was in high school I wished that could be invisible so that I could sneak in the girls locker room.

Now I’m married And a beautiful woman takes her clothes off in front me and pretends I’m invisible every day!

Courtesy of my kid when she was seven: what’s invisible and smells like bananas?

Monkey farts

We tried to hire an invisible man.

He didn’t want the job because he couldn’t see himself working here.

What's the invisible woman favorite font??

________________________________________________________________

Even if I were invisible

women would see me as a friend

What's red and completely invisible?

No tomatoes.

What's the difference between an invisible boy and an invisible girl?

I don't know. I can't really see it.

What’s invisible and smells like worms?

A bird fart.

If you were invisible...

You could have a perfectly normal relationship with a blind person.

Will invisible airplanes ever be a thing?

I just can't see them taking off.

I’m in the Emergency Dept at the hospital because I swallowed invisible ink.

I’m waiting for someone to see me.

My friends always ask me why I always stay invisible on Discord

I just reply that I love my GF and I always wanna be like her.

Why did the police officer refuse to try and catch the invisible thief?

Because he didn't think he could see it through.

Invisible man found dead in his apt.

Where do we draw the line?

Did you hear about the author who writes using invisible ink?

Here's a list of his books:

The Invisible Man...

...was the real Alpha Male

Have you ever seen the invisible man?

Nah, but I’ve heard him!...

An invisible man broke up with his invisible girlfriend...

He didn't think they should see each other anymore.

Lately I've been feeling a little invisible and have decided that to get noticed, I will have my legs removed and replaced with a horse's body...

...That way, wherever I go, I will be the centaur of attention.

My mate has invented an invisible vehicle (OC)

I asked him 'What, like a car?'

'Not really' he replied 'It's more van-ish than that'

Why did the blond girl became the Invisible Woman?

Because she has to be dense enough for light to bend around her

"Gravity: noun. 1. The invisible force that pulls objects to celestial bodies."

"That's very nice, Elphaba. But I said try _defying_ gravity."

I've done it... I've figured out how to turn invisible!

Hi! Do you have five minutes to help save the children?

They say invisible ink is making a comeback

I can't see it happening

The invisible man tried to sneak up behind me

But I saw right through him.

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