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Unseen Jokes

A joke from ancient Rome

Two men were drinking ale in the market. The first man turned to the second and said "My friend, I have seen your wife's nudity."

The second man looks at the first, eyes wide, and says "I shall take a knife, and with it, I shall stab your eyes!"

And so the first said, "Thank you for th...

How did the particle physicist escape his laboratory unseen?

He created a diverse ion.

A man and his wife are sitting down to dinner.

“Ringling Brothers is coming to town this week,” she said. “The poster says they have a dancing bear. I always wanted to see one of those.”

“Maybe next year,” says the man. “Work’s really busy this week.”

The next night at dinner, the man can barely sit down before his wife starts talk...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A nine-year-old boy was in his mother’s bedroom while his father was away at work.

Suddenly, he heard his mother coming in with a man and hid in the closet. The two kissed, then began to make out, before suddenly the front door opened and the boy could hear his father calling from downstairs. His mother quickly took her lover and shoved him into the closet, unaware that her son wa...

In the city, a guy was caught taking out all the red bulbs in traffic lights after months of going unseen

He wasn't sure what led to his capture, since he was pulling out all the stops to not get caught.

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A man moves to a very small town...

...with a population of a couple hundred people. He bought a place here sight-unseen as he was tired of the rat race in the big city. Figured it would be a nice change of scenery.

After a few days he goes to the sole bar/restaurant. He notices only men are there. He asks if there are any wom...

Courtesy of The Legendary Ken M; The ideal superpower is invisibility...

Because it allows you to keep an unseen lookout for perverts in the women's locker room.

200Years in the future.

A team of the smartest people on earth go to a distant planet, believed to have life. When they land they're greeted by 3aliens. They speak perfect english.

"Leave outsiders. This is our home planet, only trusted individuals are allowed here!"

The space group is quite surprised by t...

Li was an elf, but instead of the normal greenish tint to her skin, she had a bit of blue to her...

"My mother is an elvish queen..." she was fond of bragging, but her mother's husband the elf lord was a green-hued elf himself, and it was often whispered that Li was a product of a youthful dalliance of her mother's. How else to explain her unusual skin tone?

One evening, while in the palace...

How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?

Sight unseen.

Bob and Mary are single residence in a nursing home care facility. Every night Mary goes to Bob’s room and Jacks him off before bed.

One evening Mary goes to Bob‘s room and sees that Margret is in there doing what she considered to be her job. Mary calmly walks out unseen. The next day at breakfast she confronts Bob. “I went to your room last night and Margret was at your bedside instead of me. What does she have that I don’t”?. ...

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"I can't go back to that school"

I put down my book, \*The Art of the Unseen\*, to examine the fiery young lad before me. "What happened, son?"

"They took one look at me, and started calling me 'Ginger'!"

I sighed, admitting, "I'd hoped they wouldn't notice. What did you do?"

"Well, Dad, you've taught me to al...

Just found- Lost Scriptures from the Book of Paul.

It is Good Friday and there are multitudes of people gathered around Mt. Calvary wailing, worshiping, and witnessing the crucifixion of Jesus Christ, now nailed to the cross atop this hill for all to see. Jesus cries out, "Paul...Paul... Paaaulll.." Paul hears this and to prove he is a good disciple...

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Just Monkeying Around

Guy goes to the zoo and is hanging out around the outdoor monkey cage. There's lots of people about and he can't see much, so he leans in over the safety rail to get a better look. A chimp, unseen until that moment, reaches through the bars and snatches a box of matches out of his shirt breast pocke...

A man gets in a car crash and is sent to Hell.

He is greeted by Satan and three doors. “What’s in the doors?” the man asks. “Well,” Satan responds, “each door contains one of your choices for where to spend the rest of eternity.” The man looks at the doors and asks, “Can I look inside them first?” Satan nods and opens the first door. Inside is a...

In honour of St Patrick's day, can you guess my Irish name?

Pat MiGroin.

Yeah, my grandpa just told me that one...some visual images cannot be unseen.

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A writer died and was given the option of going to heaven or hell.

She decided to check out each place first. As the writer descended into the fiery pits, she saw row upon row of writers chained to their desks in a steaming sweatshop. As they worked, they were repeatedly whipped with thorny lashes.

"Oh my," said the writer. "Let me see heaven now."

A ...

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A woman had twin boys

Unfortunately, she was unable to keep them, so she put them up for adoption. She was able to find loving homes for both of them overseas, but it was many years since she had seen them.

Then, just before their 21st birthday she got two letters, one from Egypt, the other from Spain. Each son ha...

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White Baby

A [white] missionary is captured by a tribe of natives in the heart of Congo. He is left to wonder around camp, and eventually befriends the chief's daughter. Now, those indians live by herding sheeps across the plains. And so, one day, the missionary and the chief's daughter have sexy time in the m...

A frog hopped into a bank...

...dressed in a tiny tuxedo and approached the desk of first loan officer he saw.

"Good afternoon, madam. I am Francis the frog and I'd like to take out a $5000 loan."

The loan officer sat stunned for a moment then shrugged and smiled, "I'm Patti Black and I'll be happy to assist you. ...

Jim Bob Trains A Parrot

Jim Bob is walking to work and passes a pet store. There is a new parrot on a perch outside of a pet store.

“Squawk! Hello handsome!” Said the bird to Jim Bob.
Jim Bob smiles and goes inside to buy the bird.

“$1000 dollars” said the owner. Jim Bob doesn’t have the money but the ow...

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Guide to pooping at work

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back in our cubicles and suddenly felt something brew down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable. For those who hate pooping at work, following is the 2013 Survival Guide for taking a du...

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