UPJOKE

Who Invented Jokes

The guy who invented autocorrect has died...

...his funfair will be help next sundial.

Who invented the circle?

Sir Cumfrence

The guy who invented throat lozenges died last week.

There was no coffin at the funeral

What should happen to the person who invented Knock Knock jokes?

They should get a No-Bell prize. :)

To the guy who invented the number zero

Thanks for nothing

The person who invented autocorrect walks into a barn.

He orders a bear.

It wasn’t easy for the guy who invented the microphone in the beginning.

He got some really bad feedback.

I met the man who invented the part of a map that explains what each symbol means.

What a legend.

I like to imagine that the guy who invented the umbrella was going to call it the brella.

But he hesitated.

Who invented that game?

Did you know that Henry VIII invented the game F*ck, Marry, Kill?

Back in his day, however, it was called Wed, Bed, Behead.

“Hey Dad, who invented the haircut?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure it was some barberian.”

The man who invented Velcro has died.

RIP

Did you hear about the guy who invented the knock-knock joke?

He won the 'no-bell' prize.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I just read a story about a German scientist who invented a prosthetic penis

Nobody thought he could pull it off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who invented autocorrect has died.

May he roast in piss.

Who invented Popcorn Chicken?

Kernel Sanders

We should really thank the guy who invented Venetian blinds

Without him it would be curtains for us all.

Imagine the guy who invented maple syrup...

Hey this tree tastes way better than the last 10 trees I sucked!

Who invented the miniskirt?

Seymour Hiney.

The guy who invented USB passed away recently

At his funeral, they started to lower his casket into the ground, but they had to stop half-way, and flip him over.

Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers and got rich?

He made a mint

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Most people didn’t like the guy who invented doors

They say he was a bit of a knob

To the genius who invented 1ply toilet paper....

I wanna shake your hand.

The guy who invented the USB connector died...

They lowered the coffin into his grave.

Then they lifted it back out, turned it round, and lowered it back in again.

The guy who invented velcro shoes thought to himself

'Why knot?'

The man who invented auto-correct has suddenly past away...

His funfair is next monkey...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Do you know who invented the endoscope?

I don't either, butt I heard he's an asshole

Let's just take a moment to salute the genius who invented the vibrator.

"If you build it, they will come."

The man who invented Tetris died.

They buried him and the whole cemetery disappeared.

Do you think the guy who invented the vibrator heard voices saying . . .

"If you build it, they will come."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man who invented the dildo sadly passed away. His funeral went just as expected.

Only women came.

The guy who invented auto-correct for smart phones passed away today.

Restaurant in peace.

Everyone has heard of the historical figure, Karl Marx.

But no one remembers his sister, Onya, who invented the starting pistol.

The person who invented the umbrella was going to simply call it 'brella'..

Then they thought about it for a second....

The man who invented spreadable margarine got scammed out of every penny he made out of it.

I can't believe he's not bitter.

Did you hear the man who invented the USB port died?

At his funeral they lowered the casket....

Then raised it, turned it around, and lowered it again.

To the person who invented autocorrect...

There's a special place in he'll for you.

Who invented King Arthur's round table?

Sir Cumference

The guy who invented Sudoku actually really hated numbers

He just wanted to put them in their place.

The man who invented the trampoline died today.

His family remembers his last words... “Look what I can do.”

It is I who invented the term, "plagiarism".

However, Al Gore got credit for it.

Who invented the paper airplane?

The Write Brothers

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Who invented Fanta?

Hitler when he said,"Gas the juice"

Who invented the first telephone?

Does it ring any bells?

When the person who invented the USB drive dies...

They’ll lower his coffin into the grave, realize they put it in the wrong way and have to do it again.

How did the man who invented the bed of stone die?

In a pillow fight

The man who invented the remote control has died age 96.

He was found down the back of the sofa.

Who invented the Grandfather clock?

Pendulum Franklin.

The man who invented toaster settings has died.

He'll be cremated at 6.

Have you heard about the man who invented a bell-less belfry?

The invention was so great, he won a no-bell prize.

The guy who invented marriage

Only did it once to realize it was a mistake

They fired the guy who invented the wheel...

He was cutting too many corners.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I know for a fact that the person who invented the pump shot gun was a guy

Just the way to cock it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Greeks vs Italians

Sure, it was the Greeks who invented sex.
But Italians were the first ones to introduce it to women

The man who invented cats’ eyes...

The man who invented cats’ eyes to make the roads safer at night got the idea when he saw the eyes of a cat in his headlights.

If the cat had been going the other way, he would’ve invented the pencil sharpener.

Did you hear about the guy who invented dip made from garbanzo beans but didn't get any recognition for it?

He was honored posthummusly

The one who invented clothing

.....is also the first to feel shy

In Roman Catholicism who invented Cheese?

Cheesus
(I'm really high so I apologize if this joke makes no sense)

The man who invented the double entendre died last week.

His wife's taking it hard.

Do you know what did the guy who invented the first knock knock joke got ?

The 'no-bell prize'

When the guy who invented the USB flash drive dies,

they are going to put his coffin in the ground, lift it back up and turn it over, then put it back into the ground.

Who invented the machine for writing?

A chinese man by the name of Tai Ping.

Did you hear about the guy who invented base jumping?

It was the highpoint of his career. It was all downhill after.

Who invented the first airplane that wouldn’t fly?

The Wrong Brothers

The person who invented bestiality drowned yesterday...

I guess now he's sleeping with the fishes.

There was an old scientist who invented an anti-Alzheimer’s vaccine.

Unfortunately, he forgot the formula.

I visited the birthplace of the man who invented the toothbrush today

There's no plaque

Who invented mince?

A leper playing guitar.

The person who invented human cloning has died.

He will be attending his funeral tomorrow.

The man who invented single-ply toilet paper

made a serious breakthrough.

The guy who invented the vibrator was bat $hit crazy.

The voices in his head said “Build it and they will cum”.

The man who invented the TV remote control died...

He's going to be buried between two couch cushions.

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