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Lewinsky Jokes

What do Lewinsky, Monroe, and Reddit have in common?

They all went down on a President.

What is the volume of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

About one U.S Leader.

Why are people acting like Kamala Harris is the first woman to obtain such a high ranking position in the US Government?

Have we all forgotten that Monica Lewinsky was directly under Bill Clinton?

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell

The devil awaits him. He says “Bill, don’t worry, it’s not as bad down here as they say. I let you pick your eternal punishment for yourself.”

“What are my options?” Bill asks.

So the devil shows him around.

Behind the first door is Ronald Reagan. He’s chained up, and getting w...

Monica Lewinsky takes a dress to her dry cleaner.

"Do you think you'll be able to get the stain out?" she asks.

"Come again?" the man at the counter responds.

"No, mustard," Monica replies

Osama bin Laden dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do: I've got a couple of folks here who weren't qui...

Monica Lewinsky has released the following statement on Hillary Clinton's run for the American Presidency:

"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton. The last Clinton Presidency left a very bad taste in my mouth."

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The 1st day at school: the new student named Jose Armando, the son of a Mexican restaurateur, entered the 5th grade. The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American history.Who said 'Give me Liberty, or give me Death?'"

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Jose, who had his hand up. "Patrick Henry, 1775."
"Very good!" apprised the teacher. "Now, who said, "Government of the people, by the people, for the people, shall not perish from the earth?"
Again, no response except from Jose :"Abraham Lincoln, 1863....

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George Bush dies and goes to hell

Satan is already waiting for him.
'Well, I don't know what to do. See, you're on my list, but I have no free rooms for you. But you, you definitely have to stay in hell, so I'll have to find a solution. There are a few people here who aren't as bad as you are... I guess I'll let one go and you'll...

Some people believe Monica Lewinsky was a Russian Spy

She would inform the Kremlin on what came out of the President’s head.

They were however unhappy when she blew the whole operation.

I really thought Monica Lewinsky should be on a dollar..

but she's already had her face on a Bill.

Monica Lewinsky and Hillary Clinton bump into each other at a party.

A dollar falls out of Monica's pocket. Hillary picks it up and says, "that's the second Bill we've shared."

There once was a gal named Lewinsky...

Who played music like a Stravinsky.
"Twas "Hail to the Chief"
On this flute made of beef.
That stole the front page from Kaczynski.

Said Bill Clinton to young Ms. Lewinsky,
"We don't want to leave clues like Kaczynski.
Since you look such a mess,
Use the hem ...

The question of Monica Lewinsky:

Did she blow a sitting U.S. president or blow him while standing?

Why was it called “the Lewinsky scandal”?

Because if they called it the Clinton scandal, people wouldn’t know which on you were talking about.

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?

Both say Please insert Bill.

What was Monica Lewinsky's job at the White House?

Receiving heads of state.

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[NSFW] How Bill Clinton tricked Monica Lewinsky...

Clinton asked Lewinsky if she wanted to see the presidential clock and she replied yes.

So she followed him into the Oval Office and he turned around with his dick out and she said “Bill you nasty thing, that’s not a clock!”

Bill replied “It will be when you put two hands and a face on...

Why didn't Monica Lewinsky get a tax return in 1995?

Clinton was paying her under the table.

Why is Monica Lewinsky so poor

Because she's always blowing bills

Who is Monica Lewinsky's favorite football player?

Ha Ha Clinton Dix

Monica Lewinsky said it 20 years ago and she said it again this year

Hillary Clinton wasn't the right person for the job.

What did Bill Clinton find attractive about Monica Lewinsky?

He said she had the prettiest smile he ever came across.

Monica Lewinsky's statement on Hillary's run for President

Monica Lewinsky released the following statment on Hillary Clinton's run for President..
"I will not vote for Hillary Clinton . The last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in my mouth. As we get closer to the 2016 election year, citizens must remember that they cannot even trust Hillary Clinton ...

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I heard Monica lewinsky voted for Trump

Just to fuck a Clinton one more time

Did you hear that Monica Lewinsky stopped smoking cigars?

Now she's just bummimg cigarettes!

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What did Bill Clinton tell Monica Lewinsky after getting inpeached?

Bitch, I told you to lick my erection. Not wreck my election

What do Monica Lewinsky and the Green Bay Packers have in common?

They both love Clinton-Dix.

Hillary Clinton found out that Bill was getting it on with Monica Lewinsky.

She shrugged her shoulders and said "Better her than me."

I'd rather vote for Monica Lewinsky than Hillary Clinton...

...because at least a little bit of Bill rubbed off on Monica!

Why did Monica Lewinsky change her fandom from the Packers to the Washington Redskins?

She likes Clinton-Dix

What does Monica Lewinsky say to call her dog over?

"Come, spot!"

How much liquid can Monica Lewinskys mouth hold?

One U.S. Liter

What do Monica Lewinsky and NFL players both have in common?

It's their knees that go first.

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Donald Trump dies and when he gets to hell he sees the Devil

The Devil says to him, "Donald we've been expecting you. Unfortunately we are full right now and don't have room for you. But if you want I'll show you three rooms I could make available to you."

Trump agrees and the Devil opens the door to the first room and they see Richard Nixon endlessly...

What do Monica Lewinsky and an Asian political correspondent have in common?

All they talk about is the presidential erection

Donald Trump goes to hell

Upon his arrival, the Devil greets him warmly and with an especially big smile on his face.

Devil:”Donald Trump, welcome to hell! I had an especially difficult time selecting your eternal punishment, and so for a treat I’m going to allow you to choose one one three doors and take the place o...

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Trump snuffs it, and arrives at the Pearly Gates

they issue him with a Redirect Notice, and he is sent to the not-so-pearly ones.
The Devil looks at his clipboard irritably.
“Look, I’ve got a problem. You’re due here about now, but I’m full. I’ll have to ID one of the temporary inmates, whose sentence is just about up, and give them an ...

I just realized seminal has two meanings

Monica Lewinsky's dress was both.

ITT: Jokes that would have killed at a party in 1998.

I'll start us off:

What do Monica Lewinsky and a vending machine have in common?
They both have a slot that says "insert bill here."

Love Handles

One day as Monica Lewinsky was walking along the beach awaiting her Senate trial testimony, she came upon an ornate bottle that had washed up on shore. Curious, she picked it up, brushed off the sand, and lo and behold a genie popped out.

"Greetings, Miss Lewinsky," the genie said. "Since yo...

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Trump dies and goes to Hell

Upon arrival the Devil tells Trump he can choose one of three punishments set before him. Trump agrees.

So the Devil and Trump go to see Nixon swimming endless laps in a pool. Satan asks Trump if this will suit him. Trump says no I can't swim forever.

So they continue on. The secon...

Bill Clinton in Hell

Bill Clinton in Hell

Bill Clinton dies and is on his way to Hell. At Hell's gates he meets Satan. Satan tells Clinton that Hell is full, but that Clinton will be replacing one of the current inhabitants, and he will be given the choice of who he will replace forever in Hell.

Three door...

Why doesn't Chelsea Clinton have a brother or sister?

Monica Lewinsky swallowed them.

What did Bill Clinton say when asked about

What did Bill Clinton say when asked about Monica Lewinsky's best feature?

She has the whitest teeth I've ever came across.

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Translation of the Bulgarian variation of the 1st day of school joke.

It's the 1st day of school at an American Middle School.

The teacher introduces the new student - Takiro Suzuki from Japan.

Class starts and she says:

- Now we will see if you know your history. Who said "Give me liberty, or give me death!"?

No one knows b...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

At the beginning of class, the teacher introduced: "Children, today we welcome our new friend from Japan, his name is Suzuki Shakira."

Let start our lesson today by a few quizzes about American history !

\- Who said "Give me liberty or give me death." ?

The whole class was silent, only Suzuki raised his hand:

\- Patrick Henry, Philadelphia,1775.

\- Excellent ! Next one, who said "...government of the peo...

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Hillary Clinton Riddles

Q: Apparently Monica Lewinsky won’t be voting for Hillary Clinton this election
A: She says the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth

Q: All Trump has to say to beat Hillary in the debates
A: I have the receipts.

Q: What does Bill say to Hillary after sex?
A: H...

A man walks into a t-shirt store...

There are 3 shirts on display.

The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."

The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."

The third tee shirt has a picture of M...

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