UPJOKE
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Insulted Jokes

Upon Arriving Home, A Husband Was Met At The Door By His Sobbing Wife Tearfully she explained, "It's the pharmacist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone."

Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the pharmacist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a few words, the druggist told him,

"Now, just a minute, please listen to my side of it...
This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went withou...

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!”

The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says:
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“You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a Muslim redditor, I feel disappointed...

That my posts never blows up.

Edit 1: Everyone says that my jokes are the bomb, but still this shit didn't explode.

Edit 2: KA-BOOOM!

Edit 3: For those wondering, I am a Muslim for real and I find this shit funny af so chill out guys, no need to hate on religions, we're at /r/jo...

I once insulted an artist about his bad painting

He just brushed it off.

My friend got offended when I insulted his broken lamp...

Then again dark humour isn't his thing

A COVID patient felt insulted when I wished him well...

I told him to stay positive.

Someone insulted me on my monitor's refresh rate

Right where it hertz

The needle insulted me as it entered my arm

What a prick.

An Arab man slapped his wife, and she was insulted.

She went to her father and told him, "An eye for an eye. My husband has slapped me, and you must avenge me"

So her father asked, "On which cheek did did he slap you?"

"He slapped my left cheek."

So the father slapper his daughter on the right and said, "Be happy, I have avenge...

Waldo once insulted chuck norris

And we all know how that's going

My wife insulted me saying I suck at finishing stories.

That’s when I hit her with the sickest burn / comeback of all time.

If there were a cord that insulted people...

It would be called a discord

Yesterday I insulted a fencer...

He made a convincing riposte. I got the point.

If I had a dollar every time a baby boomer insulted me...

I could afford a house in the economy they ruined

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Parking Tickets

So the other day I went to the supermarket, and I was there for literally 5 minutes. When I came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"

He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called...

My Wife wore a "Vaccines cause autism" shirt

She was insulted, punched and spit on

Not to imagine what would have happened if she left the house!

teacher insulted due to over confidence.

A teacher wanted to teach her students about self-esteem, so she asked anyone who thought they were stupid to stand up. One kid stood up and the teacher was surprised. She didn’t think anyone would stand up so she asked him, “Why did you stand up?” He answered, “I didn’t want to leave you standing u...

I insulted a communist.

I told him he was dressed "classy"

What happened to the joke that insulted the mods?

People laughed, because it was a good joke.

I want to a cafe in Paris and was insulted by the barista.

It was a regular French roast.



*edit "went"

My friend insulted my taste in Chinese food

And I was like "Damn, that's lo mein"

Never Text an Apology

THE ORIGINAL TEXT MESSAGE:
Hi Bob, This is Alan next door. I’m sorry buddy, but I have a
confession to make to you. I've been riddled with guilt these past few
months and have been trying to pluck up the courage to tell you to
your face, but I am at least now telling in text as I can’t l...

How does an Asian feel after they have been insulted?

Disoriented -.-

Have You Ever Been Insulted And Complimented At The Same Time?

It’s amazing how a person can compliment and insult you at the same time. Recently, when I greeted my coworker, she said, “You look so gorgeous, I didn’t recognize you.”

A man insulted me, so I challenged him to a duel.

I took the first swing, but he parried and thrust his sword into my shoulder. "Ow!" I said, and swung at him again. Again, he parried and thrust, this time hitting me in the stomach. "Christ, man, are you ever going to go on the offensive?!" I shouted at him. He simply shrugged and invited me to com...

My doctor recommended exposure therapy to get over my fear of being insulted, so she set me up with a specialist.

It turned out to be a great diss appointment.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked my wife for anal the other day. She was insulted and angrily gave me the finger

I couldn't walk properly the next day

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a boxer, I was insulted when someone asked if I was a virgin

I replied “Of course, there are no hits below the belt.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All the organs of the body were having a meeting, trying to decide who was the one in charge...

"I should be in charge," said the brain , "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."


"I should be in charge," said the blood , "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd waste away."


"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Bec...

What do you say to a redhead who has just been insulted?

Aw-burn!

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