A grade school teacher was instructing her students on the value of coins.
She took a half-dollar and laid it on her desk. "Can any of you tell me what it is?" she asked.
From the back of the room came the answer: "Tails!"
A middle school band director named Joe is having trouble instructing his students to play their instruments.
One girl is being extremely difficult and cannot play the flute to save her life. Finally he walks over to her and hits her in the head with her flute, killing her. She dies instantly and he is sentenced to death by electrocution. The warden asks what he would like his last meal to be. Joe says "I'd...
A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon...
A drill sergeant is instructing a platoon.
He is walking up and down the line of men, complementing, or insulting the men on their work in the field that day.
Finally, he reaches a private at the end of the line.
In a gruff voice, he yells "PRIVATE, I DIDN'T SEE YOU AT CAMOUFLAG...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Extraction
A dentist ran out of anesthetic just before the last extraction for the day was scheduled. He gave the nurse a very large needle, instructing her to jab it hard into the patient's butt when the signal was given, so it would take his attention away from the tooth extraction. It all happened in an ins...
A general is inspecting the drydock where an advanced prototype is in the final stages of commissioning.
The project manager excitedly explains how the attack submarine will be much faster than an enemy due to an innovative design which drastically reduces drag forces. The general asks how progress is coming along.
The manager replies, “The propulsion system is complete, I think it's ready for ...
A husband and wife were relaxing at home when all of a sudden it started to snow...
Their show was interrupted by a news broadcast instructing everyone to park on the west side of the street to allow the snow plows to run. The woman jumps up and grabs her keys to move her car immediately. The next night the snow is still unrelenting and the broadcast instructs everyone to p...
God Will Save Me
A heavy rain began to fall onto a small town. Townspeople were instructed to evacuate as it was believed the rain would not stop and floods were coming.
One man refused to leave. A van pulled up in front of the house and emergency personnel instructed the man to evacuate as the rain became he...
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