UPJOKE
miscarriagemifepristoneabortifacientpregnancyfetusembryosurgerystillbirthunsafe abortionmedical abortionbirth controlabortion lawmedical doctorfeticidecurettage

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus
upvote downvote report

If abortion is such a mature subject,

why does it bring out people's inner child?
upvote downvote report

I wrote a joke about abortion...

But i decided not to keep it
upvote downvote report

What is the best name for an abortion clinic?

Don’t Kid Yourself.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can a black man change a republican politician's views on abortion?

Get his wife pregnant

Why are Catholics so anti abortion?

So they have a good supply of young children in their foster homes for the priests.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

NSFW DARK JOKE: Never eat out a woman who had an abortion.

That shit is haunted.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.”

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The easiest abortion I've ever performed was on a stripper.

It was like taking a baby from Candy.

How are abortions done in the Harry Potter universe?

*Fetus Deletus*
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If abortion is murder

Is jerking off genocide?

Where do you stand on abortion?

just above the uterus and jump a little
upvote downvote report

My wife didn’t want to get an abortion but I did

So we met in the middle and sent him to school in America
upvote downvote report

How do you call an abortion in Spanish?

Adios embrios
upvote downvote report

I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic

Woomba
upvote downvote report

I was going to make a joke on abortion...

But I just couldn't deliver
upvote downvote report

Instead of calling it an abortion, they should call it a Digiorno.....

it's Not delivery, it's Digiorno
upvote downvote report

I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic

They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger
upvote downvote report

I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister.

Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.
upvote downvote report

What do you call a abortion in Czechoslovakia?

A cancelled check.
upvote downvote report

I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic...

How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?
upvote downvote report

What did Arnold Schwarzengger say while doing an abortion?

"Hasta La Vista, baby."
upvote downvote report

I just figured out why USA is about to ban abortion (dark)

That's to have more targets for their school shootings
upvote downvote report

Guys, abortion may be illegal soon. If you accidentally get a girl pregnant, make sure she’s an anti-vaxxer.

Instead of paying for 18 years of child support, you’ll only have to pay for 3.
upvote downvote report

Abortion is

The most effective form of spawn camping
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How does a pregnant woman in Texas get a legal abortion?

Trespass.

It turns out I was guilty of a major misconception with this whole abortion thing

I thought "Row vs Wade" was a decision shipwreck survivors had to make
upvote downvote report

I'm undecided about abortion

on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?
upvote downvote report

I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic

They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.
upvote downvote report

What did all the abortion doctors do after abortion was banned?

They went to plan b.
upvote downvote report

ABORTION BILL

A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"
The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."
upvote downvote report

What do you call a cow that gets an abortion?

Decaffeinated
upvote downvote report

Do you know what happened to the UPS driver who had an abortion?

She didn’t deliver.
upvote downvote report

Reporter: Herschel Walker, what do you think of the latest abortion bill?

Herschel Walker: I think we should pay it.
upvote downvote report

Abortions are so fun

It really brings out the kid in you
upvote downvote report

With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes.

Because there is no delivery.
upvote downvote report

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.
upvote downvote report

I'm going to start an abortion clinic...

...called "Don't Kid Yourself."
upvote downvote report

Which movie villain works at the abortion clinic?

The Terminator.
upvote downvote report

What do gamers call an abortion?

A spawn kill.
upvote downvote report

I still don't know how i feel about abortion

On the one hand, I am in favor, since this is the murder of children.
On the other hand, I am against it, because it gives women the right to choose.
upvote downvote report

I just realized why all my abortion jokes bomb...

...because they never deliver.

*ba dum pish*

As opposed to dead baby jokes, which never get old.
upvote downvote report

I asked my GF, "Why do abortion jokes made you laugh so much?"

She said, "because they bring out the kid in me."
upvote downvote report

The owner of the only abortion clinic that vowed to defy Texas' new law prohibiting abortions past 6 weeks says, it's never been busier...

"Currently we got a 24 month wait list"
upvote downvote report

Abortion is now illegal

So... I guess I’m an antivax parent
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

For the democrats: Abortion: Yes, and guns: No

For the republicans: No abortion, but we like guns. All life is sacred


Unless it enters my fucking property
*loads shotgun*

What do you call a gamer who works at a abortion clinic?

Spawn camper
upvote downvote report

I saw an anti-abortion meme and wondered about copyright law ...

Does the image come with reproduction rights?
upvote downvote report

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President

Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"
upvote downvote report

If U.S. taxpayers had to pay maternity leave....

The right to abortion would be the first amendment.
upvote downvote report

Abortions are for....

Abortions are for the anti-vaxxer who don't waste time.
upvote downvote report

My wife and I are considering having an abortion

How do we tell the surrogate?
upvote downvote report

President Trump was told about the new abortion bill.

Trump in a low whisper to his chief of staff:
“I thought I paid that bill already.”
upvote downvote report

Anti-abortion campaigners be like....

"You cannot defeat us!!"
upvote downvote report

Pro Life Tip

Don't get an abortion.
upvote downvote report

Abortion jokes are never funny.

So if you accidentally start forming one, you should terminate it before it comes to fruition.
upvote downvote report

The best thing about being an abortion doctor

You don't have to buy dog food
upvote downvote report

My moms sister is Anti-abortion

It’s a bit of a cruel nickname but she has had 5 of them.
upvote downvote report

What do you call a woman who recently had an abortion?

Pregnain't
upvote downvote report

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.
upvote downvote report

The problem with abortion jokes

Theres never a good hook
upvote downvote report

What’s Latin for abortion?

Fetus Deletus
upvote downvote report

Abortion...

can be a real out of body experience!
upvote downvote report

When it comes to abortion

there are many misconceptions
upvote downvote report

What's an effective way to get Texas Lawmakers to change their view on abortion law?

Get their wives pregnant, if they have any.
upvote downvote report

Most anti-abortion people aren't pro-life

Don't believe me? Just look at how they treat the living.
upvote downvote report

My gf got an abortion today

And you know what? Being a dad is dead easy right now.
upvote downvote report

Abortion clinics should be banned

Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.
upvote downvote report

What happens when you abort an abortion?

Me
upvote downvote report

What do you call a motel abortion?

An early checkout...
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl walks into a "no questions asked" abortion clinic.

The nurse says, "How can I help you?"

Girl says, "LYING BASTARDS!" and leaves.

I can't stand abortions

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.
upvote downvote report

What do they call an abortion in Hogwarts?

*fetus, deletus!*


^It's ^my ^first ^time ^posting ^here. ^Tell ^me ^if ^I ^did ^something ^wrong ^or ^if ^this ^is ^the ^wrong ^sub...


^And ^yes, ^I ^am ^a ^Muggle.
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information