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Abortion Jokes

What do you call a failed abortion?

Survival of the fetus

If abortion is such a mature subject,

why does it bring out people's inner child?

I wrote a joke about abortion...

But i decided not to keep it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How can a black man change a republican politician's views on abortion?

Get his wife pregnant

What is the best name for an abortion clinic?

Don’t Kid Yourself.

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The easiest abortion I've ever performed was on a stripper.

It was like taking a baby from Candy.

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NSFW DARK JOKE: Never eat out a woman who had an abortion.

That shit is haunted.

Why are Catholics so anti abortion?

So they have a good supply of young children in their foster homes for the priests.

Daughter: "Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?"

Father: "Ask your sister.”

Daughter: "I don't have a si-"

How are abortions done in the Harry Potter universe?

*Fetus Deletus*

Where do you stand on abortion?

just above the uterus and jump a little

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If abortion is murder

Is jerking off genocide?

My wife didn’t want to get an abortion but I did

So we met in the middle and sent him to school in America

How do you call an abortion in Spanish?

Adios embrios

I finally found out what they call the vacuum at the abortion clinic

Woomba

Instead of calling it an abortion, they should call it a Digiorno.....

it's Not delivery, it's Digiorno

I have the worst parents ever. I asked them how they felt on abortion, and they told me to ask my sister.

Not only did they not give a straight answer, I don't even have a sister.

What do you call a abortion in Czechoslovakia?

A cancelled check.

I was going to make a joke on abortion...

But I just couldn't deliver

I thought of a great name for an abortion clinic...

How about 'Birth Ctrl+Z' ?

I just figured out why USA is about to ban abortion (dark)

That's to have more targets for their school shootings

I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic

They get really angry if you go in and ask for a coat hanger

Abortion is

The most effective form of spawn camping

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How does a pregnant woman in Texas get a legal abortion?

Trespass.

What did Arnold Schwarzengger say while doing an abortion?

"Hasta La Vista, baby."

Guys, abortion may be illegal soon. If you accidentally get a girl pregnant, make sure she’s an anti-vaxxer.

Instead of paying for 18 years of child support, you’ll only have to pay for 3.

What did all the abortion doctors do after abortion was banned?

They went to plan b.

ABORTION BILL

A congressional aide asks a politician, "What are we going to do about the new abortion bill?"
The politician replied, "Shhhhh -- just pay it."

What do you call a cow that gets an abortion?

Decaffeinated

I'm undecided about abortion

on one side it's killing babies and I'm all for that, but it gives women a choice. Do we really want that?

I locked my keys in my car outside an abortion clinic

They gave me the dirtiest look when I went in and asked to borrow a coathanger.

It turns out I was guilty of a major misconception with this whole abortion thing

I thought "Row vs Wade" was a decision shipwreck survivors had to make

Do you know what happened to the UPS driver who had an abortion?

She didn’t deliver.

Reporter: Herschel Walker, what do you think of the latest abortion bill?

Herschel Walker: I think we should pay it.

I'm going to start an abortion clinic...

...called "Don't Kid Yourself."

Abortions are so fun

It really brings out the kid in you

With the right delivery, any joke can be funny. Except abortion jokes.

Because there is no delivery.

What did the conservatives say to the abortion rights supporters?

You'll never de-fetus.

The owner of the only abortion clinic that vowed to defy Texas' new law prohibiting abortions past 6 weeks says, it's never been busier...

"Currently we got a 24 month wait list"

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For the democrats: Abortion: Yes, and guns: No

For the republicans: No abortion, but we like guns. All life is sacred


Unless it enters my fucking property
*loads shotgun*

I still don't know how i feel about abortion

On the one hand, I am in favor, since this is the murder of children.
On the other hand, I am against it, because it gives women the right to choose.

What do you call a gamer who works at a abortion clinic?

Spawn camper

Abortion bill

Trump is sitting in the oval office when mike pence walks in. Pence says, here's the abortion bill you just need to sign it Mr. President

Trump replies "I thought Michael cohen paid for that"

I asked my GF, "Why do abortion jokes made you laugh so much?"

She said, "because they bring out the kid in me."

Abortion is now illegal

So... I guess I’m an antivax parent

What do gamers call an abortion?

A spawn kill.

Abortions are for....

Abortions are for the anti-vaxxer who don't waste time.

I saw an anti-abortion meme and wondered about copyright law ...

Does the image come with reproduction rights?

If U.S. taxpayers had to pay maternity leave....

The right to abortion would be the first amendment.

I just realized why all my abortion jokes bomb...

...because they never deliver.

*ba dum pish*

As opposed to dead baby jokes, which never get old.

Which movie villain works at the abortion clinic?

The Terminator.

My wife and I are considering having an abortion

How do we tell the surrogate?

President Trump was told about the new abortion bill.

Trump in a low whisper to his chief of staff:
“I thought I paid that bill already.”

Anti-abortion campaigners be like....

"You cannot defeat us!!"

Pro Life Tip

Don't get an abortion.

The best thing about being an abortion doctor

You don't have to buy dog food

Abortion jokes are never funny.

So if you accidentally start forming one, you should terminate it before it comes to fruition.

I find abortion to be a difficult topic.

On one hand, i am for killing babies. But on the other hand, i don't want to give woman any more rights.

My moms sister is Anti-abortion

It’s a bit of a cruel nickname but she has had 5 of them.

What do you call a woman who recently had an abortion?

Pregnain't

The problem with abortion jokes

Theres never a good hook

What’s Latin for abortion?

Fetus Deletus

When it comes to abortion

there are many misconceptions

What's an effective way to get Texas Lawmakers to change their view on abortion law?

Get their wives pregnant, if they have any.

Most anti-abortion people aren't pro-life

Don't believe me? Just look at how they treat the living.

My gf got an abortion today

And you know what? Being a dad is dead easy right now.

Abortion...

can be a real out of body experience!

Abortion clinics should be banned

Those doctors demonstrate a complete lack of humanity. Spawn killing is a filthy tactic.

What happens when you abort an abortion?

Me

What do you call a motel abortion?

An early checkout...

I can't stand abortions

I'm ok with killing babies... but the idea of a woman making decisions just doesn't sit right with me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girl walks into a "no questions asked" abortion clinic.

The nurse says, "How can I help you?"

Girl says, "LYING BASTARDS!" and leaves.

What do they call an abortion in Hogwarts?

*fetus, deletus!*


^It's ^my ^first ^time ^posting ^here. ^Tell ^me ^if ^I ^did ^something ^wrong ^or ^if ^this ^is ^the ^wrong ^sub...


^And ^yes, ^I ^am ^a ^Muggle.

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